The Misadventures of Ky Kiske
by Invader-Zam4
Summary: Four of Zam's agents tread to the dark marshes of Midgard. What do they seek in this damned place? You will not expect what will happen. The continuing struggle of the authors continues...
1. Prologue: Jam's Abduction

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: All of the characters portrayed here are not mine. Ky, Sol and the rest of the GGXX characters are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
PROLOGUE - KY'S CONVERSION  
  
Three years have passed since the midnight carnival. The world has changed much. The man has been defeated. The Post War Management Bureau's plot has been discovered and they have been arrested. Peace has reigned throughout most of the land. There is still so much fighting. But for now, there is no threat to the world. It is in turmoil, as it has always been, but no longer in danger. More importantly, each one of the GGXX cast members have had there own final endings.  
  
Sol has taken Dizzy away from Johnny. Now that his singular driving force of living, namely seeing The Man under his heel was fulfilled, he sought to return to his daughter. The two are living simple lives at Dizzy's grove.  
  
Necros and Undine, upon seeing that their purpose of protecting Dizzy until she needed them no more was also fulfilled, separated from Dizzy and went their separate ways.  
  
Testament laid flowers at his father's grave. Then wandered off once more.  
  
Anji continued to campaign for the freedom of the Japanese people. He was able to focus all his attention to this since no more robotic versions of a certain pretty boy were after him. His progress has been slow, but sure.  
  
Upon defeating Raven, Axle gained the ability to return back to his time. The problem was he could only time travel once. Axle decided to stay in the future for a while, since his world was still in shambles, despite all his efforts.  
  
Her thirst for revenge being satiated, Baiken returned to the colonies. She set up her own dojo. She can be seen sweeping the front of her dojo with her free hand in the mornings.  
  
Bridget returned to his village to proclaim his manhood. When he returned, he saw that his family had fallen into debt. He wished to help them rise from poverty. Because of his noted skill, he received many job offers, as a bodyguard or a teacher of combat.  
  
Chipp still hangs out at the Japanese colonies. Being a nuisance as always. Though the Japanese seem to enjoy having a westerner so dedicated to learning their ways.  
  
Eddie, with The Man's help, was able to sustain himself. He no longer needed a host. He now goes around terrorizing people.  
  
Faust continued his... practices. He eventually became a professor at a magic college. His course is an elective for all students aspiring to be mystic healers. Faust's course mainly consists of healing by means of medicine. Though his classes are wacky, the students are never bored and learn quite a lot on the practices of ages past. Medical science, being effective in the treatment of more complex ailments has become a must for every healing center in the world.  
  
I-no, not being bound to anyone anymore, continued her life as a rock artist. Her skill with the guitar as well as other valuable... assets instantly propelled her into stardom. She has become a playmate for playboy around four times already. This was all done after she recovered from being burned alive by Sol a few times during the climactic battles.  
  
Johnny and May continue their lives as pirates, sailing the endless blue sky. Though May is fully aware of what she is, she does not allow that to hinder her being a normal girl who can magically summon sea mammals and wield an insanely huge anchor. Johnny still continues his prospects on Millia. Though he appears to be making progress.  
  
Millia is now able to rest after running from the assassins for so long. She is able to live normally. She now blends in with a crowd of ordinary women. Though she maintains her sultry attitude and magival ability to control her hair, she now shops for clothes (absolute bliss after wearing that outfit her whole life), goes to clubs and even develops a relationship. With who, she does not say...  
  
Potemkin was promoted to rank of captain. He now trains Zepp's most elite soldiers. Though he regrets not being able to go into battle anymore and the mounds of paperwork he has to do, he takes joy in the fact that he has more time for painting and drawing. As well as having enough money to buy all the Dragon Brand Mechanical pencils and brushes he could possibly want. Dragon Brand, art materials that wont break even if trampled by a dozen dragons! Tested with REAL dragons!  
  
Slayer returned to his sleep with Sharon. He foresaw the peace that would reign and ha found it...boring. He occasionally wakes up if he senses that something interesting is about to happen to the world.  
  
Venom became the assassin's leader. He continues the shadowy operations of the assassins. He has completely accepted Zato's death. Though he will not think twice of shooting if Eddie comes within ball range.  
  
Zappa was able to communicate with S-ko. She is actually the floating spirit of a girl in a coma. In turns out she was an experiment of the Post War Management Bureau. After taking vengeance on them, and returning her to her body, Zappa and S-ko happily married. The six spirits still linger around them, being their guardians.  
  
Indeed everyone has their own little happy endings but this story is about two of those souls whose happy ending is about to take a slight detour...  
  
***  
  
Jam Kiske jumped down from a sand dune and landed effortlessly on a rocky floor. She was in the middle of the desert. The jagged rocks and the sand made it all too obvious. But even in the middle of nowhere danger was present. Sand raiders rose from the sands and threatened the girl, who was obviously out of her place. As they charged with their spears, Jam felt a certain twinge of excitement. She did not need to fight for a long time, and now she has a glorious opportunity to. She took out one even before he got near with a blazing kick. The others charged forwards. A flurry of kicks, punches and ki blasts followed. As they all got to their feet, she became even more excited as she blew them all away with her Chun-li-rip-off ki burst.  
  
"Wow! That was a great exercise ne?"  
  
Just then, a ring was heard. Jam pulled out her communicator.  
  
"Jam! Jam!" It was Ky  
  
"Oh hello darling!"  
  
"Jam! Why didn't you answer right away?! Are you in danger! Tell me!"  
  
"Oh I'm alright darling. Don't worry, I'll be home for dinner."  
  
"Jam, explain to me again why you're on an insanely dangerous treasure hunt? Don't I make enough money as the police chief and you as a chef to support the both of us? Oh my god, was changing the men's snack from donuts to dumplings too much! AAAAAAHHHH! I'm sorry Jam!"  
  
"Darling, please don't worry. I just wanted to relive the excitement of being a bounty hunter. Don't get me wrong though darling, I love being your wife. But I just need to feel the danger once more."  
  
"Then why didn't you take me with you?!"  
  
"Well then it won't be dangerous now will it? Okay darling, sandstorm coming up. I can't be contacted for a while. Bye Bye! Wo Ai Ni!"  
  
"Jam! Ja...*"  
  
The signal was gone and Jam continued on with her adventures. Before she left, she looted the bodies of the poor sand raiders. She found a few things of value though, jewel. She took all that she could find then continued on, fighting giant scorpions and more sand raiders and looting them afterwards. She arrived at a small patch of level sand covered by rocks and a mountain. At the mountain was a small shaft. She then arrived at the mouth of a ruin.  
  
"Finally! I'm here!"  
  
As she approached the ruins, she saw something headed towards her. She jumped out of the way, just when a kris, a broad sword and a rapier pierced where she was. She looked up to face her assailant. As she saw who it was, her eyes widened.  
  
"Kuradoberi Jam, I mean, Kiske Jam! We meet at last!"  
  
"G...G...Grant!?"  
  
"Oh, so you still remember me? I'm touched." The figure known as Grant mockingly said. Lifting himself up with some sort of telekinetic power, he floated towards the ground.  
  
"But Jam, I'm still hurt. Do you know how long it has been since you borrowed some money form Mr. Jerk?" His feet landed softly on the soil.  
  
"Wa..wait! I can repay it now! I swear! Just give me two hours... even just one!"  
  
"Jam! Whats happening there?!" The signal had come back  
  
"Oh no..." Jam said under her breathe as she heard her husband voice  
  
"Sorry Jam. But the deadline has long since passed, its time for you to pay up!" Then, the three swords dislodged themselves from the ground and floated near Grant. Grant then threw four more swords to the air and they all floated near him.  
  
"Time to go Mrs. Kiske! Please come unwillingly. I do so enjoy forcing you to."  
  
"Damn, if there is no other way..." Jam girded her loins for combat  
  
Grant made three of the seven blades fly towards Jam. Jam rushed forward and side stepped to dodge the swords. "Good thing were not in 2D anymore." Jam thought to her self. Grant raised his hands and two of the swords floated higher. He then moved his hands towards each other, causing the two swords to slash forward. They surely would have hacked Jam into three, if she hadn't dashed forward suddenly. Grant looked surprised at Jam, who was now at his side. Jam then dashed forward to Grant with her ki-powered back fist. But Grant got the last two swords and formed a sword-cross defense for Jam's attack. He then flew away and levitated on the ground after getting some distance from Jam. The seven swords came once more floating around him.  
  
"Hmph. Your pretty good Jam. Looks like I;m going to enjoy this."  
  
"You really think you can defeat 3000 years of Chinese history? My style has been perfected since ancient times!"  
  
"Oh my, well then I'm REALLY going to enjoy this!"  
  
Grant positioned four swords, with his psychic ability once more, into a wheel. He then had it charged toward Jam while spinning.  
  
"BLADED COG!"  
  
Instead of avoiding it, Jam charged towards it. Then did her fiery flying kick  
  
"RYUUJIN!"  
  
This broke the wheel and Jam charged towards Grant. Grant had to make the cross sword defense again. Upon hitting the swords, Jam jumped upwards, flipped and did her blazing heel bash on the back of Grant's head  
  
"GEKIRIN!"  
  
Grant flew forwards. Sensing that Jam would take advantage of his momentary vulnerability, Grant recovered and had the swords swing wildly. The swords created a cutting sphere protecting Grant.  
  
"SABRE SPHERE!"  
  
Having the swords protecting him, he then levitated towards Jam. Jam had to avoid the swords that were protecting Grant as they were sharp enough to cut bone.  
  
"HAHAHA! What now Jam?! My swords can act as defense AND offense at the same time! HAHAHA!"  
  
Jam began to feel worried as she got backed into the mountain. As the sphere of death approached her, she stood up and got into a waitress pose.  
  
"RENHOUKYAKU!" The ki ball bursted once more. Grant was barely inches from the blast. He was unharmed, but the swords fell limply to the ground as a result of the explosion. It only hit Grant then that he was in a vulnerable position. But it was too late. From the ki ball, Jam charged forward.  
  
"GEKI: SAI SHIN SHOU!"  
  
The flurry of punches and kicks followed by the burning phoenix whipped Grant to the floor. Defeated. Grant raised to his knee  
  
"Well done. I could not have expected anymore from one of the fighters who did battle with The Man." He then looked at Jam with a murderous glint in his eyes. "However, playtime is over." Somehow mustering new strength, he called forth the seven swords to rise once more and spin around him. This caused a huge tornado to form.  
  
"ULTIMATE GRANT BLADE-NADO!"  
  
The tornado then charged forward at alarming speed. Even Jam was not able to escape from it.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, at a police headquarters.  
  
"Jam! JAM!"  
  
"Something the matter chief?"  
  
"It's Jam! Something happened to her. She hasn't called back either."  
  
"Whose Jam chief?"  
  
"Jam! My wife?! The person who cooked that dumpling that your stuffing your face in right now?!"  
  
"Oh! Mrs. Kiske! Oh dear, do you suppose something happened to her?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out. Can you take care of things here Maloney?"  
  
"Will do chief" replied the officer as he ate another dumpling. "I hope nothing bad has happened to her. These dumplings are really good..."  
  
***  
  
Ky arrived at the ruins entrance. He looked around. Slashed rocks. Chared earth. Broken stones. It didn't take a Holy Knight to figure out a battle was here. He took one good look around. He saw Jam's communicator.  
  
As he picked it up. He knew that Jam was kidnapped. The questions ran through his mind. Fortunately, Ky heard most of Jam and Grant's conversation.  
  
"Who was this Grant and this Mr. Jerk? Why did they take Jam? How much did Jam owe? What did she need it for?"  
  
So many question. Questions that wouldn't be answered by standing around like this. He got in his police car and sped off.  
  
***  
  
Ky searched Jam's papers with great anxiety. He found many documents, but not the one he was looking for. "Ancient recipes, ancient martial arts scrolls, tabs for Baiken and Anji (wow, those two drink a lot of sake), repair bills that was paid for by Venom and Millia, ahh! Hear it is!" Ky unfolded the receipt and took a look at it, reading it out loud.  
  
"I O U. I, Kuradoberi Jam, do solemnly swear to borrow from Mr. Jerk the total sum of one million world dollars...*" Ky was dumbfounded. "ONE MILLION WORLD DOLLARS? WHAT IN THE NAME OF KLIFF'S KITCHEN KNIFE DID SHE USE IT ON?!" Ky then took another look on the receipt.  
  
"Wait, the date, it is very near from that time..." Ky shifted into a flashback  
  
***  
  
Three years ago. The man had been defeated. And Sol was getting ready to move past his fighting days. Ky, still having needed to settle the score, could not have this.  
  
"SOL! Before you fade away completely, let us finish our duel!"  
  
"Alright pretty boy. One last fight. But this time, I ain't holding back." Sol took off his limiter. After roaring ferociously and shaking the ground with his sheer power, Sol looked at Ky with his pupil-less eyes and said "LETS...ROCK"  
  
Ky charged forward. What ever move he used, Sol would Just bat away effortlessly. Such was Sol's true power. One last fight. That was all he needed then he could stop this life of mindless violence. Sol's determination was almost as strong as when he fought the man. He knew that Ky would never be content if he didn't give it all.  
  
When Ky would try the Stun Dipper, Sol stomped on his foot and kicked him away. He caught the Greed Sever with his bare hands. He took all the stun edges Ky threw at him without even flinching once. Sol wanted this to be over with.  
  
"It's time I ended this Kiske. VOLCANIC VIPPER!" Sol rushed forward like a blazing fireball towards Ky. Ky would not let up that easily.  
  
"RIDE THE LIGHTNING!" As the fireball and the lightning ball collided with each other, there was an immense power struggle. Ky put up a good fight, but Sol still won. As Ky flew backwards, Sol chased after him.  
  
"TYRANT..." Ky, seeing on what was happening, defended himself with the Furaiken.  
  
"RAVE!!!" Ky defended the burning fist with all his might. But Sol was in full power. Ky was strong, but not strong enough. It was only a matter of time until the Furaiken...  
  
CRACK...  
  
Smashed into a million pieces. There, Ky was left with the disturbing realization. He was never a match for Sol.  
  
***  
  
With his pride gashed and the Furaiken smashed, Ky went into a state of depression. That sword was apart of him. With its destruction, it was like a part of him died. There was no where to repair it. The magical components of a Jin-Ki is so complex, that even Sol forgot how he made them. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't even recognize that someone was with him. He would just sit in his dark room staring into a dark corner. He was getting malnourished. His condition was becoming critical.  
  
What a pitiful death it would have been. Ky, once a noble hero... reduced to dying from depression. He surely he would have, if it hadn't been for Jam. On one cold winter night, a faint blue light illuminated Ky's windowless room. As he saw what was glowing, his eyes widened. It was impossible! There was no way! But there it was! Jam had walked into the room with the Furaiken. Repaired.  
  
"Ky...This is for you"  
  
Ky clasped the familiar handle. At that instant, Ky's strength returned. His white hair returned to their original blonde. Well, not really. His hair never became white but his restoration was as dramatic as Theoden's though. Ky realized that Jam had been taking care of him all that time. He was eternally grateful for the humble chef.  
  
***  
  
Ky's depression returned once more. Thankfully, he didn't sulk. He decided to use a more productive way of expressing his sorrow: Drowning it in booze. But Ky isn't really a heavy drinker, even if he is in a deep state of depression. It took him one hour to finish two bottles of Budweiser.  
  
Ky knew his situation was hopeless. He couldn't take the battle into court since Jam signed a contract. No doubt Mr. Jerk had a copy of it too. He couldn't mount an offensive. Though he could easily find out Jerk's hideout, he had nothing on him. No evidence, no arrest warrant, nothing. The only way Ky could get Jam back is if he paid the 1 million world dollars Jam owes. But where could he get that kind of money?  
  
"Dammit Jam!" he exclaimed as he hit the bar. "Why? Why did you have to put yourself in so much peril for me? Damn it this is my fault! If I wasn't so stupid and just got over the fact that I couldn't ever beat Sol, Jam would never have had too...*"  
  
Then, a tall, dark, figure entered the bar. The man in the black hat, shirt and pants eyed Ky and decided to say hi.  
  
"Hey Kiske! Didn't think you were ever man enough to enter a bar!" Johnny then noticed that Ky assumed the "my life is so miserable and I just want to drink in peace" position. "Geez, what happened. You look more of a wreck than that time you saw that tabloid picture of you and Sol." Ky continued his silence. Until...  
  
"I'm not in the mood for your tomfoolery, Johnny."  
  
Johnny sensed his the seriousness of Ky words. He changed his tone. "I know about Jam."  
  
Ky's eyes widened. "How did you...*" Then he saw Johnny look at him through his shades in a smug manner. "Right. Criminal network."  
  
"So what are you going to do?"  
  
"I can't do anything! I'm powerless to stop this guy! He has too much legal power. The only thing I could do to get Jam back is pay her debt. But where am I going to get a million world dollars?!"  
  
Johnny smiled a wryly smile. "I know where you can get that money." Ky's ears sharpened. "But, you would have to go against everything you fought for. Truth, Justice, Honor and all that crud."  
  
"What exactly are you proposing, pirate?"  
  
"You see Ky, I have to go on a couple of business trips. I'll be gone from the May Ship a long time. But the Jellyfish pirate's criminal activity has to continue. Someone has to lead them in their bank robberies, cargo theft, grave digging and ruin exploring. We really don't care about the money, just the reputation we could get. I know May is a capable lass, but I would feel more comfortable if there was an adult supervising everything. Seeing on how you are a natural born leader and in need of money, I was wondering if you could...*"  
  
"I've heard enough." Said Ky as he stood up. "I will not have a hand in any form of criminal activity. I have a right mind to arrest you right now!"  
  
Johnny laughed heartily. "HAHAHAHA! Oh Ky, Ky. When will you stop thinking about other people and start thinking for yourself? What about Jam? I know Jerk and he is not the friendliest of people. He treats people as he would treat gears. EXPENDABLE. Who knows what tortures Jam is experiencing right now? Every second you waste is another second Jam has to bear at his hand."  
  
Ky gulped. "Even so, ends do not justify the means. I will make the money my own way. Good day!" Ky began storming out the door.  
  
"Okay, I'll be here if you change your mind. You're making a MISTAKE Ky."  
  
***  
  
Ky glided the dark streets of the city. His feet eventually took him to the park. He passed many sites where he had many fond memories. Memories with his wife. Trees where he chased her around. Fields were she fed him her cooking. The more he remembered all those memories made him consider Johnny's offer. It is the only way, plus it is a quick way. Jam would be in his arms before he knew it. All he had to do is...  
  
"NO! I'm making a deal with the devil here!" He said to himself. "If I do this, so many innocent lives will suffer. He would have to steal from honest folk. He would have to hurt blameless people. Why must so many suffer for me? Why must they be reluctant patrons for my wife's ransom?" Ky had to sit on a bench. As the evening breeze passed him, he considered what Johnny told him. Had he not been suffering for everyone's sake? Had he not given his whole life to protect the innocent? Had he not selflessly given everything he had to the humble service of others? Was it not time that they did something for him?  
  
His blue eyes suddenly had a change of depth. His only joy in his life was taken away. While he sits here and wallows in his suffering, everyone else was living a happy life. When would he get to have his happiness? Anger flared in his blue eyes. It's about time he had his share of happiness. It was time for everyone to suffer a bit...  
  
***  
  
As Johnny shot down another tequila, a shadow crept up to the bar. Johnny smirked as he turned to face the new bar patron.  
  
"Evening officer..."  
  
PREVIEW OF NEXT CHAPTER: Konichiwa mina-san! Its me! Kiske-Kuradoberi Jam! Don't worry darling I'll get myself out of this mess! Oh my, who is that handsome pirate with the Jellyfish pirates? No, not Johnny! The new guy, the one in the mecha that's firing electricity bullets. Eh? That's KY?! No way! Darling! Watch out for that exploding teddy bear! Next time on The Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Misadventure Parody Starts Now! Ky's New Persona! (Ky looks good as a pirate * giggle *) 


	2. Misadventure Parody Starts Now! Ky's New

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: All of the characters portrayed here are not mine. All of the Guilty Gear XX characters mentioned is property of Sammy. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money  
  
CHAPTER ONE: Misadventure Parody Starts Now! Ky's New Persona!  
  
Ky walked with Johnny along the metallic hull of the May ship. The place was eerily quiet. Ky had decided to take Johnny's offer of going into a life of crime in order to shell out the 1,000,000 world dollars that Jam borrowed. As they walked, Ky could not help but contemplate that he would abhor himself for everything he was going to do. But there was no turning back now. He would gladly take on the world as long as Jam was with him. He had enough of playing the messiah. It was time to receive what was due to him.  
  
Johnny noticed Ky's deep thought and sought to break the silence.  
  
"Ky, are you sure about this? You could be gone for an indefinite amount of time. What about your job at the police station?"  
  
"I never used any sick days. I have enough to go on a 4-month paid vacation. Which is precisely what I am doing right now."  
  
Johnny snorted. "Well that's convenient."  
  
They finally arrived at a door at the end of the long hallway. "Here we are." Johnny turned the huge wheel and swung open the door.  
  
"WELCOME! MR. KISKE!"  
  
"What on earth...?"  
  
There was a huge welcoming party for Ky. All eleven of the girls were then. The cat and even Bertha was there. A big banner reading "Welcome Mr. Kiske" was hung upwards. Everyone was clapping and throwing confetti at the dumbfounded cop.  
  
"Johnny, what is this?"  
  
"Well, we couldn't let you be a part of the Jellyfish pirates without a proper welcome now could we?"  
  
May approached Ky. "Don't worry Ky, Johnny explained everything to us! We'll work even harder at pillaging, ransacking, stealing and buccaneering to help you get Jam back."  
  
At the back, April was talking to August. "Oh my, how romantic! Your sweetheart going on death defying adventure all for your sake!"  
  
"Yes. It's enough to make any girl swoon" The two just giggled at the background.  
  
Ky was still stunned, even when all the girls were talking on how Ky is on a romantic adventure, how more handsome Johnny is than Ky, on how Ky is still wearing his Holy Knights uniform, on how they imagined Ky in a pirate's outfit. Johnny noticed on how the giggling was getting louder than the motors.  
  
"Alright everyone! Lets finish this celebration with one last welcome to our newest member!"  
  
"Welcome to the Jellyfish pirates, Mr. Ky!"  
  
With a last applause, the celebration ended. Then another one began. The banner that read "Welcome Mr. Kiske" was turned over. It now read "Goodbye Johnny!" The mood of the party changed from a happy, genki type to one with a hint of...pouting?  
  
"Humph, Where is Johnny going without us?"  
  
"It seems real suspicious to me..."  
  
"I bet he's going out with another woman..."  
  
"He should take me with him!"  
  
"No, he should take me!"  
  
"NO! ME!"  
  
"No! ME!"  
  
The celebration turned ugly as a flurry of dolphins, harpoons, bullets, whales and helms were thrown by the girls at each other.  
  
"Why would Johnny take you? Your but ugly!"  
  
"Yeah?! Well at least I have breasts! Ow! Watch it with those helms!"  
  
"Your all wrong! He should take me! Beat them up Mr. Dolphin!"  
  
"Hah! Just try it! Well have dolphin blubber tonight!"  
  
"Owch! That's me hair! Don't make me dislocate your thorax!"  
  
"I don't HAVE a thorax!"  
  
Johnny, seeing that the royal rumble catfight was going to destroy the ship, called all the girls. The fighting immediately stopped (Charisma roll: Critical success)  
  
"Girls! Girls! There's no need for you to be suspicious where I'm going! I may not be taking anyone of you, but that doesn't mean I love you any less right?" He smiled his patented Kim Kapwan rip off smile. The light reflecting of Johnny's perfect teeth was enough to swoon the girls into a coma. Which they did. After seeing that the girls had calmed down, Johnny decided that it was time to leave.  
  
"Okay Ky, there all yours."  
  
"Wait! What do I do?"  
  
"Don't worry, the girls will take care of the ship. You'll only join them if the missions are dangerous. See ya..."  
  
With that, Johnny walked away. Ky sighed and asked himself "What have I gotten yourself into Ky?" As Ky turned, he saw the girls had miraculously recovered from their coma and was smiling at Ky.  
  
"So what do we do now? Mr. Ky?"  
  
Ky sighed once more. "The sooner we get a million world dollars the better. But I would like to get to know all of you a little better though?"  
  
The girls giggled as they went into a line and did a roll call.  
  
"January! Please call me Jan! I am the helmsmaiden of the ship! I can drive anything! Whether it be a ship, a hover car or a war mecha, I can drive it!"  
  
"Febuary! Please call me Love! I am one of the ship's cleaning crew! I can clean a place out very quickly! I can find money hidden in an underwear drawer!"  
  
"March! Please call me...uh, March! I am the ship's cook! I help Bertha in the kitchen! I make sure we have yummy meals for everyone!"  
  
"April! Please call me...uh, April! I am the ship's operator! I help keep the ship in air by monitoring all the aspects of it! I'm also good intelligence retrieval! I make all the missions we carry out!"  
  
"May! Please call me May! I am the First Mate of the Ship! I help...um keep enemies away with a big anchor and whales!"  
  
"June! Please call me June! I am the ship's decorator! I make sure the ship is up to date with the latest decorations so that we are the prettiest pirates in the air!"  
  
"July! Please call me July! I am the ship's demolition expert! I blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up and use the things on the ground to make stuff that blows stuff up!"  
  
"August! Please call me August! I am the ship's mechanic! I make a lot of big mechas and make sure the ship is running smoothly!"  
  
"September! Please call me Steph! I am the ship's combat expert! I know five forms of karate, two forms of jujitsu and one form of interpretive dance! "  
  
"October! Please call me Olivia! I am the ship's firearms expert! I like guns! I like bullets! My favorite gun is a harpoon gun! I am also the ship's sniper. I can dissemble a magical rod and reassemble it in eight seconds flat!"  
  
"November! Please call me Saint! I am the ship's medic! I know a lot of magical healing and can patch up any wound! I even know some medical science! Fanny taught me when she stopped by looking for Faust!"  
  
"And I'm Bertha. Head cook of the ship. Don't worry Ky, I'll make sure that these girls behave."  
  
Ky could not help but back up when he heard each girl's specialty. These girls were very dangerous. What kind of a father is Johnny?  
  
"Um...Mr. Ky?"  
  
"Yes...uh...June?"  
  
"You don't intend to go buccaneering in your Holy Knights uniform right?"  
  
"Why, something wrong with it?"  
  
"Well, I'm sure you don't want anyone to find out that you have turned to a life of crime right? Well, your uniform is a dead give away to who you are. Plus, if the other groups see that we have a Holy Knight with us not only will we be the laughing stock of the underworld we will be mistrusted. They will think we are snitches!"  
  
"I guess your right. But what would you suggest?"  
  
June smiled a sly smile as she faced her comrades. "Giiiiiiiirls?"  
  
Everyone smiled and screamed "MAKEOVER!!!!!!!!" All the girls tackled Ky and brought him to the costume room. There, Ky tried on everything that the girls could find. Ky was just swept away with the excitement of the girls.  
  
KY CATALOGUE, SPRING OF 2090  
  
April the Commentator: "With the new line of Ky outfits taking the market by storm, what ensemble will reign as the ultimate Ky alternate costume? Lets watch..."  
  
Ky in the flying Dutchman costume from Spongebob Squarepants.  
  
"Without the beard and the eery green blow, Ky just doesn't look intimidating enough."  
  
Ky in Johnny's outfit.  
  
"Nope, only Johnny can pull that fashionable look off."  
  
Ky in the Johnny Bravo outfit.  
  
"Ky isn't muscular enough and his hair isn't long enough to make a sky scraper out of."  
  
Ky the cat guy  
  
"* giggle * Sorry. Fan Service"  
  
Digi-Kyrat  
  
"* laugh * Sorry, more fan service..."  
  
Ky Howard  
  
"He looks a lot like Rock, but his eyes aren't flaring red."  
  
Tatewaki Kyno  
  
"Blondes just can't pull of the blue lightning samurai look."  
  
Sakura Teisen's Kyyama  
  
"The white suit looks good on him, plus the guitar is a nice touch. But Ky can't play the guitar."  
  
Kyff Underdn  
  
"Brown version of the Holy Knight's uniform looks great, but the white hair makes Ky look old."  
  
Ky the Sol Knight  
  
"Red-white instead of blue-white eh?... I hate it!"  
  
Ky the ONE  
  
"Black suit and black kilt on Ky makes Neo look like a girl! But black is sooo out of season."  
  
Ashley Kyot from Vagrant Story.  
  
"OOOHHH! He's showing his ass! The cowlick is a nice touch. But the bulky armor doesn't look nice though..."  
  
ChingKy  
  
"Ghetto Ky in da house!"  
  
Anakin Kywalker  
  
"COOLNESS! Rat's tail looks bad though."  
  
And so after so many Ky puns, the girls finally chose an outfit for Ky. Blue cap with Johnny's skull and cross bones on them. Shades. Black Shirt. Denim Pants. Blue denim vest. Ky now looks like Clark from KOF. The outfit completely hides Ky's identity.  
  
"Great! Now we have to chose a name."  
  
"Yeah. Going around calling him Ky would be a dead give away too."  
  
"But whats a good one?"  
  
"We need one that says 'I'm a bandit so get out of my way'  
  
"How about 'I'm a bandit so get out of my way'?"  
  
"Um!"  
  
"OW! Just kidding!"  
  
"I know!" Exclaimed the first mate. "From now on, you are Klyde!"  
  
"Yeah! That's a good name!"  
  
"Yeah! Three cheers for our new, temporary, leader Klyde!"  
  
"HIPHIPHOORAY!HIPHIPHOORAY!HIPHIPHOORAY!"  
  
Ky sighed once again. Hiding his identity. Hanging out with pirates. He was now becoming a true bandit.  
  
"Okay Klyde. One last step to your transformation."  
  
"What now?"  
  
"You need to get rid of your trade mark weapon."  
  
"You mean the Furaiken? I can't go into battle with any other weapon. And..." Ky shifted into a dark somber mood. "Jam got into a lot of trouble for this."  
  
"We understand. But it will be too obvious if you charge head on with a Jinki."  
  
"Um, Mr. Ky?"  
  
"What is it August?"  
  
"If it would be alright with you, I have made a weapon that will allow you to use the lightning seal sword without showing it to people."  
  
"You have? What is it?"  
  
"Come with me please..."  
  
***  
  
Ky, August, Bertha and the rest of the May ship crew moved to the hangar. There was a vehicle covered in a white sheet. August approached it.  
  
"Everyone, I present to you..." She uncovered the mysterious vehicle. "THE FURAIBOT! OR THE FRB!"  
  
The FRB was a green mecha. It was about six or seven feet. There was a seat on the top, which was obviously the cockpit. One of the arms was a megaman- esque blaster. The other arm had fingers. The legs looked stable enough to carry the whole thing.  
  
"Lightning magic is used to power the mecha. It is also the ammo used for the blaster. Lightning bullets have the same force as fire bullets. But they leave an after shock after hitting, paralyzing the target!"  
  
Ky approached the FRB. As he placed his hand on the mecha, he suddenly remembered that he wanted to pilot a bot when he was a boy. Looks like his wish would come true. But he was a bit uncomfortable of striking from a distance. He had always fought honorably. Now he would have to reduce himself to cowardice as he abuses his range advantage.  
  
"It's for Jam. It's for Jam." He told himself as he was returning to his crusader mode.  
  
"Mr. Ky, all it need now is a power source." August said as she pointed the back of the mecha. There was a furaiken-shaped hole at the back. As Ky placed his beloved sword in the slot, the FRB went online. The back closed, safely hiding its power source. The FRB then stood up.  
  
"Go on Mr. Ky, try it out!" encouraged August. Ky climbed into the seat. It was surprissingly comfortable. Then Ky looked again as he saw that the seat was actually a Lay-Z-Boy. August began explaining the controls.  
  
"You raise the gun arm with this lever and the other arm with this one. You can control the fingers with the buttons there. Now, raise the gun arms. Push that button there on the lever to shoot. Now aim for that dummy. Okay, now shoot!"  
  
Ky complied. As he shot, an electric bullet flied from the arm. It blew up the target. Ky was a bit shocked at his attack. But there was a twinge of... enjoyment? Ky saw the other targets. He rotated the body and fired at them. Ky imagined the targets as Grant and Mr. Jerk. He imagined Grant as an effeminate faggot and Mr. Jerk as a fat businessman who sleeps with little kids. Ky's rage, the easy attack, the resulting explosion that resulted, all this lead to Ky going...  
  
"You evil BASTARD! How DARE YOU HURT AND KIDNAP JAM! I WILL BLOW YOU TO KINGDOM COME!"  
  
...trigger happy.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA! I'LL BLOW ALL OF YOU UP! HAHAHA EVIL RUFFIANS! KNOW YUR PLACE! EVIL SHALL NOT PREVAIL!"  
  
The girls got a bit worried as Ky began shooting anything in the hangar.  
  
May saw that this was a good time to assert her authority. "OKAY KLYDE! You had your fun! Now stop that!" Ky was not listening. "Well, this is probably for your own good anyway, come on out, MR. WHALE!"  
  
Great Yamada popped out of nowhere. He was on a collision course with Ky. Ky saw the whale and remembered all the times he took the full damage from a huge sea mammal headed straight for him and on how it...hurt. All the concussions. All the comas. All the barnacles! And Ky was still in his right state of mind. He then charged up the hand arm of the FRB.  
  
"Not this time you moving mass of oil and blubber!"  
  
With a 180-degree spin, he punched the whale right in the kisser. There must have been a lot of force in that charged fist, as it flew the whale to the hangar wall, causing the ship to tilt for a while. Then Ky charged up his gun arm and fired a huge energy blast at the unfortunate creature. It would have been the force of a sacred edge. Needless to say, the whale became...medium rare.  
  
"AAAAAHHH!!! MR. WHALE!"  
  
"Cool! Who wants whale blubber tonight?"  
  
"OH! I DO!"  
  
"ME TOO! ME TOO!"  
  
"CAN I HAVE THE LIVER?"  
  
"ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP!"  
  
May ran towards the poor thing and started crying buckets. Ky recovered from his blood rage and ran towards May.  
  
"Oh dear! I'm so sorry May! I didn't mean to hurt the whale!"  
  
Saint approached the poor girl. "You know May, since you made Yamada out of water magic, you could just make him disappear and appear again. He will be as good as new!  
  
May stopped crying. "Your right Saint!" Then he looked at Ky with a certain hint of malice. He was unarmed. No furaiken. No FRB. This was a perfect time to...  
  
"COME ON OUT MR. WHALE!"  
  
***  
  
When Ky awoke, he was in the medical bay. He felt like a truck or a 20-ton sea mammal ran over him. Saint and August was at his side.  
  
"Are you feeling better, Klyde-san?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess. Don't worry, I've been hit with worse."  
  
"Ky, can I ask you something?"  
  
"What is it August?"  
  
"How did you know about the 360-rotating ability, the taser fist and the charged shot? I haven't told you those features yet."  
  
Ky reflected. How did he know all those functions?  
  
"Well, you see my only pleasure, before tea-cup collecting, was playing mecha games. Front Missions, Heavy arms, G-Generation Gundam, Super Robot Wars Alpha, Armored Core, I loved those games. When I saw the similarities of the FRB's cockpit and in those games, I guess I just assumed those features. I always liked mechas for some reason."  
  
August laughed. "Well once your feeling better, come to the hanger. There is one last function I need to show you."  
  
***  
  
Ky went to the cockpit and started up the FRB.  
  
"Okay August. Now what?"  
  
"See that button that's labeled TT? Press and hold it."  
  
Ky did so. A laser scope appeared.  
  
"Not target that plane and release it!"  
  
Ky, moved the FBR to target the plane and fired. The body opened up and fired an electrical ball. When it hit the plane, it didn't do any damage, but there was a circle in front of it and four electrical arrows pointing at the circle.  
  
"That's the Taser Target. You see, on the field, many of my ship mate gets distracted easily. Our latest hostage-taking ploy failed because May, who was the get away pilot, had to stop by and buy some mangas! She said that she really needed the latest-yaoi filled comic of Gensomaden Saiyuki! That and June flirted with one of the handsome hostages! Shouting at them won't do any good. So when they see this, they will know that they want you to investigate the target."  
  
Ky was a bit taken back by the need of the Taser Target. I guess after all, they were still girls. Pirates or not.  
  
Just then, April came in.  
  
"Mr. Ky, I mean Klyde? Are you ready for your first buccaneering mission?"  
  
This was the moment Ky had been waiting for. Ky was ready. All traces of doubt had gone away from his mind. He was ready to start stealing, looting, pillaging and hurting people. It's time to get what he was due and he was due 1,000,000 world dollars! Then in the back of his mind, he was thinking that after the mission, he would be praying 8 rosaries in penance.  
  
***  
  
Bridge  
  
"Okay April. What are our available missions?"  
  
"We can choose from four missions Mr. Klyde!"  
  
Ky looked at his options. They were basically robbing from a bank, stealing cargo from a port, going underground to explore some ruins and investigating that ruin that Jam was about to go into. Robbing a bank would be the easiest way to get some quick cash, so Ky thought.  
  
"We are robbing a bank!"  
  
"Yes sir! I will get the necessary preparations!"  
  
***  
  
Meeting Room  
  
Ky entered the meeting room. The eleven girls were already there, chatting, throwing paper airplanes, swooning on Johnny's picture, reading an old tabloid with Ky and Sol on the cover in a provocative position.  
  
"Okay! Lets get this pre-mission meeting started!"  
  
OBJECTIVES  
  
"We are basically robbing a bank right? How much is the expected money that is currently deposited in the bank's vault?"  
  
"50,000 world dollars."  
  
"That's not a lot, but it's a start."  
  
MAP  
  
"The bank is on a small island town."  
  
"Klyde, I will now explain the mission plan"  
  
"Go ahead April."  
  
"We will drop you off directly in front of the bank. From there, proceed to robbing it. We will come in ten minutes to pick you up. If we play our cards right, we'll escape even before the police come!"  
  
CREW  
  
"Mr. Klyde, for each mission, you must choose four of us to accompany you. No more, no less. You can't add Jan since she is the get away pilot. Please choose who will be the most beneficial to your mission."  
  
"Olivia and Steph, just in case things get ugly. June, in case she sees something that might be useful, and Love since she asked nicely."  
  
MECHA  
  
"Mr. Klyde, you will be piloting the FBR for this mission. Things could get ugly down there and you need to be combat ready."  
  
"Alright."  
  
MISSION START  
  
***  
  
Jan swooped down with one of the May ship's ships. The FBR was hanging below it and the four girls on the FBR. As Jan swooped near a building, the FRB let go. Klyde landed with a loud thud in front of the building. Jan then pulled up away. Klyde knew the essentiality of time for this mission hence he made haste. Ky was also very serious when it came to mission matters.  
  
"Is this the bank? Ok..." He used the taser bomb to blow open the door. The girls took this as their signal and rushed into the building. Moments later...  
  
"Meow!"  
  
"Ruff!"  
  
"Chirp!"  
  
"Pikachu!"  
  
The four girls ran out, followed by a bunch of animals.  
  
"Mr. Klyde! Its full of animals!"  
  
"Huh?" Klyde looked up and saw the sign. There was a dog with the doctor's headband on.  
  
"This isn't the bank. It's an animal hospital! Argh, the bank must be on the other side of the island... Klyde to May ship. Come in, May ship!"  
  
"May ship here! Whats up Klyde?"  
  
"Intelligence failure. Abort mission. Come pick us up!"  
  
"Roger that Klyde! We'll pick you up in five minutes!"  
  
"Roger that, over and out."  
  
Love approached Ky. "Mr. Klyde! We found some money!"  
  
Ky thought for a while. Now that they were here, they might as well make the most of out of the trip.  
  
"We may still be able to reach the 50,000 world dollars. Grab what you can!"  
  
"Yes sir! Klyde sir!"  
  
Klyde rushed to the nearest house. He blew the door open with a taser target and the girls rushed in. We see the girls opening drawers, lifting beds, opening cupboards, opening cookie jars and basically making a mess out of the place. They even opened the TV. What program is shown? Nothing. It just shows the ol' ps1 justice in ol' ps1 graphics using the ol' ps1 orbital destruction on ol' ps1 sol.  
  
Scene shift back to the town. The girls come out with some cash! Looks like Love did a cleaner sweep than he thought. He moved to the next house and did the same. As the girls were in the house, a man started throwing rocks at Klyde.  
  
"Go away!"  
  
Klyde didn't want to hurt the poor sucker. Just let him know that it would be wiser to make a run for it rather than fight. He set the gun arm to stun and shot the vigilant, foolish civilian. Even though it was in its lowest setting, the gun arm still charred the guy unconscious. Then, out of the man, world dollars started flying. Strange, but now was not the time to question money. Get what ever comes. He did the same to some other civilians that tried fighting him with sticks, rocks and dogs. As he charred all of them, their money seemed to exit their body. It was like he was in an RPG where money appeared after killing a monster, except he didn't level up. Klyde found a less aggressive way of dealing with the pesky citizens who were seriously scratching the FRB. He taser targeted them and the girls would pick them up, shake them, and pick up the world dollars that fell down.  
  
Eventually, the police came. Klyde saw that confrontation could not be avoided, so he decided to charge up his gun arm. The he noticed that the cops were carrying riot shields and energy rods. Those were still worth something! So he taser targeted the cops and the girls just tackled and stole their riot shields and energy rods. Klyde could not help but smack his forehead and mutter "Lousy training."  
  
Then Klyde saw the police car. He noticed the skill of the girls on salvaging so... why the heck not? He taser targeted the car. The girls pulled out some tools and began working on the car. They came back with wheels, motors, car radios, car mirrors, magazines and sirens. Klyde was reaching the goal. But time was running out. Klyde then saw the other police cars headed towards him. Then Klyde went trigger-happy. The cars never even got close. They blew up from Klyde's barrage and sent the officers airborne. Curiously enough, world dollars came flying out of nowhere. The girls wasted no time in collecting the loosed world dollars. Klyde had reached the 50,000-world dollars aim.  
  
Meanwhile, on the highway to the animal hospital, a lone officer was trying to get to the crime scene. This officer was different. He was still a boy. He wore a hood over his head and a big handcuff around his waist. Plus he wasn't riding on a hover police car. He was riding on...yoyos?  
  
"Oh man! I'm so late! Why didn't the alarm go off?!" He whined as he reached the crime scene. Klyde had turned the small town into rubble before Bridget came in. When he arrived, he confronted the FBR.  
  
Bridget began speaking through a loud speaker. "Hello, hello, is this thing on?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You there! In the robot! Come out with your hands up!"  
  
"Took you long enough. Did your mommy have to wake you?" Klyde asked in an out-of-character mocking tone.  
  
"Wha... How did you... NO! No she didn't!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah whatever."  
  
"Oooh! Your really going to get it now!"  
  
Officer Bridget threw a teddy bear at the FRB  
  
"Am I supposed to be afraid of a teddy..*" Klyde then took a look at the bear. It had a dark expression. An expression of one that is damned. An expression that could drive millions into dementia. Yes! The bear looked like ROGER! Knowing that something as evil like that had some evil trick up in its sleeve. Klyde made the FRB jump back as he open fired on the teddy bear.  
  
BOOM!  
  
There was enough force in that bear to knock Klyde and the girls to the animal hospital. Bridget then pursued, cuddling another bear. Klyde saw that the little boy must have had more bears, so he took an evasive approach. Basically running away before the bears, or the resulting explosion, could hit him. Bridget was destroying the few buildings that was left standing. Klyde just ran around trying to get a good shot at Officer Bridget. Bridget just dodged the lightning bullets as he continually threw ballistic bears at his adversary.  
  
"Shoot, the pick-up can't land if there is a battle. I got to find away to take out this copper." Klyde then saw a car, probably the only thing not charred within a three-mile radius. With the FRB, Klyde picked up the car and faced Officer Bridget.  
  
"You're coming downtown with me!" shouted the officer as he threw another bear while advancing at the pirate. At the same time, Klyde threw the car. The two hit, causing a massive explosion. Bridget had to shield himself form the resulting blast. When the blast began subsiding, Bridget saw a huge energy blast that somehow reminded him of the sacred edge. The power of the blast sent the British officer flying for a good few meters. As he got up, Klyde shot a taser target at him. Bridget wondered why there was a target on him, then he saw the four girls accompanying the machine charge at him. He shifted into his star yo-yo defense.  
  
Olivia started shooting at Bridget with one of the stolen energy rods while June pulled out of her spring catalogue 2086 ascot a couple of ornamental knives and threw it at Bridget. Bridget easily deflected the projectiles. Then the he noticed the two other girls got into striking distance. Steph got into a flying kick pose while Love spun her mop like a spear. The two hit Bridget at the same time, propelling him into another few good meters.  
  
Bridget was getting agitated. He rushed with his yo-yo rush move. Klyde saw him coming and shot the mountain face repeatedly. This resulted in a rockslide. Bridget to jump to avoid the rocks. He did so, thankfully. As he breathed a sigh of relief...  
  
"Hey kid, you forgot something." Klyde then threw one of the bears at him.  
  
"Huh? This one must have been a dud."  
  
Kzt! Kzt! Kzt!  
  
When Bridget looked, there were three lightning bullets headed towards him.  
  
KABOOOOOOOM! This sent Bridget flying into the stratosphere and fall back down, charred. Charred, a symbol of defeat and paying the victor for defeating you, so it would seem. A charred Bridget kneeled up to face his victorious foe.  
  
"Jan to Klyde! I'm here to pick you up!"  
  
"Roger that! Over and out!"  
  
* Cough * Cough*  
  
"You should get an alarm clock so that you will wake up earlier. Well,  
see ya!"  
  
"WAIT! I'm not finished with you! Oooh darn! Just you wait!"  
  
***  
  
On the way back to the May ship, Ky contemplated on how he acted during the mission. Why was he like that? Why didn't he hesitate to hurt all those people? Where did those witty remarks to Bridget come from?  
  
Ky remembered seemed to recall back when he was small. He would always dream about being an outlaw. Being a free spirit, a desperado, not a care in the world. He would always play the outlaw, which is probably why his parents sent him to the Holy Knight's Military School when he was only ten. Now that he has the chance, he seem to be living his forgotten dream, as Klyde! The new, brave temporary, leader of the Jelly fish pirates!  
  
***  
  
Preview of next chapter: "Konichiwa mina-san! Its me! Klyde! Wow, we seem to be stealing cargo from the docks in our next adventure. What's the cargo anyway? SAKE?! Oh dear, I have a bad feeling about this... Next time on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Sake Run! Please wait for me Jam!" 


	3. Chapter 2: Sake Run

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske, May, April and the rest of the Guilty Gear characters portrayed here are property of Sammy. "The Misadventures of Tron Bonne" and all related characters and story elements belong to Capcom. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money.  
  
Chapter 2: Sake Run  
  
In a remote part of the Philippines, a young man of 17 spends a late night in front of a television set and PS2. It is around 1:30am and the man, eyes now baggy and yawning, finally shut off the unit when he notices that the adapter is starting to smoke.  
  
"Damn...Suikoden 3...need to play...but need...to...sleeeeeeeeeeep..."  
  
As he starts to get ready to enter the domain of the middle-child of the endless, a meteor suddenly hits his back yard. Forgetting his sleep- depravity, he grabs his trusty bamboo rod and rushes out of his room to the terrace. He climbs out of the large window to the roof. Not wasting anytime, he jumps down to face the meteor.  
  
As the smoke subsides, he find that the "meteor" is actually a robot cat. Not JUST any robot cat, it is HIS pero-neko...  
  
"MIR! Your back!"  
  
The robot faces him with his large blue eyes.  
  
"HI!" Then he starts doing a little dance. "DOO DOO DOOO DOO..."  
  
"Uhuh, so did you complete your mission?"  
  
The robot cat looked at him. His blue eyes turned red.  
  
"Sir yes Sir! I am back from a information-gathering mission from 'The Wedding Night 2.' Mission successful sir!"  
  
"I didn't think Sheo would end it so soon. Oh well..."  
  
Indeed Mir was at that fanfic. He portrayed a joke character, a small cat that was part of an invading cat race. He was only lightly mentioned, he didn't want to be involved in the story too much, just enough to have access to unlimited information. He succeeded in doing so by being Kirkia's pet for a while. He left when the story started becoming a dark, angst- ridden tragedy, hence he didn't join in the grand final battle against...you know who. While they were all busy creating their fleet, he hacked into their data banks and received all the information he required. His true purpose there was to investigate an anomaly. An anomaly known as...Sho Tsuzuku.  
  
"Sir, your suscpicions on Sho were true. I have data confirming it. You were right, he isn't just a parasite that is grows stronger the longer he stays on a fanfiction. He is...*"  
  
"Very good. Mir, we will deal with all this red tape later. For now, lets continue 'The Misadventures of Ky Kiske'."  
  
Mir's eyes went blue once again.  
  
"I'm GONNA HAVE A MUFFIN!" screamed the little defective robot as he did so.  
  
Zam got his little companion as brought him to the house. He attached his robot buddy/slave to his computer and began writing once again...  
  
***  
  
Ky woke up with a splitting headache. No, it wasn't a hangover. Ky had dreamt about all that he had done. And he wasn't in his pirate persona Klyde. He was in goody-too-shoes Ky. So the resulting repentance gave him the same repentance of that of a hangover. He had prayed 3-4 rosaries, seeking repentance. But even after all that, he was still sorry for pillaging a town, resisting arrest and giving Bridget several convulsions from his electric bullets.  
  
"Maybe I'm just not fit to be a pirate." Ky thought as he got up. He then saw a report on his desk. It was from April. It was a mission report on the past * ehem * withdrawal. As Ky flipped over the report, he was astounded to see what was in it. They completed the mission of getting 50,000 world dollars from... contributions... from the local townsfolk and police. In fact, they reached a total of 54,630. But due to Ky's resourceful taser targeting, they managed to sell all the sirens, wheels, mirrors, riot shields, energy rods, exploding teddy bears, magazines, cookies and all that other stuff they...borrowed. The total earnings were 80,000 world dollars! And all that has already been transferred to his account.  
  
Ky was indeed surprised. He was now only 920,000 world dollars short! He was feeling ecstatic. But then, an omiouis feeling came over him. As if someone was watching him. He turned to the direction of the strange feeling and saw his altar. He saw Jesus eyes watching him in a weird manner. It was like he was doing Ghost Rider's penance stare on Ky. Ky sighed. He got a box nearby and approached the altar. Once more, he sighed. "Sorry, but this is for a noble cause. Mine, that is." He shoved all the bibles, crosses, crucifixes, holy water, blessed cloth, buddy Jesus' in to the box and closed it. "I will listen to your lecture later." He then took the box and shoved it into a nearby closet. "Its time for everyone else to be...'discomforted' for my sake. Hehe."  
  
Ky then began getting ready for a new day of buccaneering. After taking a warm bath (man the atmosphere at 500,000 feet up in the air must be cold) he got his suit ready. He fitted his blue denim jeans, his black shirt and his blue denim vest. He then wore his black cap with Johnny's crossbones. Then he took a good look in the mirror. He gazed into his own green eyes as if he wasn't going to see them again. Then, he wore his black shades. "Klyde is in the house! HOO HAH HRR!" Out of some strange impulse, after wearing his shades, he did a few Johnny Bravo poses.  
  
"Man, I hope no one saw that..." Ky replied to his own impulsiveness, unaware that August had installed a surveillance monitor in his room. He believed that no one was spying on him so he grinned a bit. He turned on the radio and danced to the tune of pulp fiction. It was one of those things he always wanted to do.  
  
*** Meanwhile, at the security room, all 12 girls were watching  
  
"Heehee. Oh man this is good stuff..."  
  
"Haha! Oh dear! Maybe we shouldn't be intruding of Ky's privacy...NOT!"  
  
"Oh god! April! You getting this down?!"  
  
"I'm sending the clip to all the SolxKy yaoi fan sites now."  
  
"Oh shit! He's coming!"  
  
"Everyone! To your stations! Look busy!"  
  
***  
  
Ky entered the bridge. All of the girls were busy with the monitors and their stations. Ky was finding it hard to believe that these girls were...girls. Johnny must be very strict. Well, if they are taking their jobs seriously, I should do the same.  
  
"April, what do we have lined up for today?"  
  
"Well..rhm...sir...hrm...I have a good...hrm...way on how he can...haha...money quickly." April replied, still trying to hold back the laughter.  
  
"Ooooookay. What is it?"  
  
April breathed and calmed herself down. "There is a new shipment of Japanese sake at the London port today."  
  
"Sake? How is that different from all the other alcohol? That will just get us petty cash!"  
  
"Not so sir! You see, only Japanese at the Malaysian colony know how to make sake. And they don't share it with anyone else! The only reason that sake leaves a colony is because they are giving it to their brothers at the other colonies. The sweet taste and rarity of sake has made it a very lucrative commodity! Four crates of the stuff can get us a cool 150,000!"  
  
"Wow. Not a bad deal. Alright! Get all the details worked out. We will start the mission meeting at 1200 hours. In the meantime..." Ky's stomach growled "I will get something to eat, I haven't eaten breakfast yet."  
  
***  
  
Ky slipped into the mess hall. Bertha was still there, cleaning up.  
  
"Oh my! Mr. Ky! You missed breakfast!"  
  
"I know Bertha. Is there anything left."  
  
"Well, there is still some meat left by the girls. But it's a very tiny piece of pork."  
  
"Aw man. I'll have it anyway." Bertha then scurried off to the kitchen to get the left over.  
  
"Aw man. I'm really hungry..." Ky whined. He slumped into the mess hall's table. "I suppose this will satiate me a while. I can just go into one of the nearby restaurants and order something more to eat. Man, I really can't go on without any food. I'm so hungry... I could eat 3, no, 5 French breads and a MUFFIN!"  
  
Bertha then put half of a massive roasted boar, smothered in honey sauce, still steaming. Ky was a bit stunned when he saw the food that was laid out before him.  
  
"Um, Bertha, didn't you say there was a little pork left?"  
  
"Why yes. There were six of these at breakfast. The girls wolfed them all down, they did!"  
  
"Uh-huh. Okay..." Ky replied as he got his utensils and tried to get a piece off the massive thing. The meat proved tougher that what he expected. The fork was barely piercing the meat and the knife wasn't even cutting it. But Ky is a persistent lad. He tried harder and harder. But as his irritance on the meat grew, so did his hunger. Until... * SNAP * the utensils broke. This drove Ky into another blood rage as he got the whole thing and began feeding on it with his teeth.  
  
"GRRRRRRR. AAAARRRGGHHHHH! RORR! RORR! RUFF! RUFF! MAUL! ROWR! CHEW! BITE! RIP! NO MERCY! HEAVEN OR HELL! DRIP! GRID! BURP!"  
  
As Ky finished eating, he wiped his face on the tablecloth. He then saw Bertha on the other side of the room, somewhat scared.  
  
"Ehehehe. I guess I was hungrier than I thought... Well, that was an excellent meal. Thank you Ms. Bertha." Ky quickly rushed off the room.  
  
As Ky strode down the hallways, something entered his head. Strangely enough, all that meat eating reminded him of Jam...and just how flirty she was. He remembered as he was eating and there was rice on his face, Jam would usually go 'Oh Ky! Your such a kid. Let me clean you up.' Why was that flirty? Cause she would clean him up, with her tongue. She even used the soy sauce on his lips as a shameless excuse to give him a French kiss. This made Ky smile for a while. Then he got depressed. Ky is always missing Jam. But now he was starting to miss her wife's succulent dishes.  
  
"Jam. I miss you..."  
  
***  
  
Meeting Room  
  
Ky entered the meeting room. The eleven girls were already there, chatting, throwing paper airplanes, reading Candy magazines, and counting money.  
  
"Okay! Lets get this pre-mission meeting started!"  
  
OBJECTIVES  
  
"Okay, our end goal is to be able to steal four crates of sake right? How much can we sell them for?"  
  
"150,000 world dollars."  
  
"Alright! There is a lot of money here, so lets not screw up!"  
  
"ROGER!"  
  
MAP  
  
"The target port is at London. It's called the 'Innocent Warehouse District'."  
  
"There sure are a lot of warehouses there."  
  
"You could probably hide anything there."  
  
"Fishes, boats, mechas, cocaine, people..."  
  
"Klyde, I will now explain the mission plan"  
  
"Go ahead April."  
  
"While the rest of us perform at the local strip club..."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"...you and one other girl will proceed to take the targeted cargo and place it on this ship that we...er...borrowed. After placing them all, you will signal to us and you will shove off for the May Ship. We, in the mean time will exit out of the docks safely."  
  
"I CANNOT LET YOU GIRLS GO, MUCH LESS PERFORM, AT A STRIP CLUB!"  
  
"Relax Klyde, around 4 of us CAME from strip clubs. We know our way around."  
  
"Besides, what better way to attract burly seamen than with cute girls in sailor uniforms?"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Klyde, if it makes you feel any better, we will exit as soon as you get the four crates. So be sure to get them soon!"  
  
"Okay. But promise me you'll run if something comes up alright?"  
  
"We promise!"  
  
CREW  
  
"Since I can take only one girl, I will take May along."  
  
"Alright! Some action!"  
  
MECHA  
  
"Klyde, we modified the FRB for this mission. In order for it to be able to carry those heavy creates, we have taken out the gun-arm and replaced it with a normal arm. Also, we have replaced the legs with tank legs so that there is more support."  
  
"Alright."  
  
MISSION START  
  
The girls started struting around in their skimpy sailor uniforms (which was actually their Jelly Fish Pirate uniforms) while dancing to the beat of the "Pink Panther," much to Ky's disapproval.  
  
"Klyde! The sooner we get this over, the sooner they can do they're big finale! Let's go!"  
  
Klyde reluctantly left the girls at the mercy of the amorous sailors and boarded his now unarmed FRB.  
  
***  
  
Klyde rushed with May to the mission area. When they got there, May pointed to a small tug boat.  
  
"We, um, borrowed this boat. We will unload all the sake crates here."  
  
"Okay. Where are all the sake crates?"  
  
May pointed them all out. They were all conveniently colored green.  
  
"Those wooden boxes you could carry with ease. Those metal crates you can carry, but not walk. HEY!!!!!" May screamed as she pointed to a red crate. "CHINA! If we can, lets get that too! It's worth a lot!"  
  
"All right. Iguso!"  
  
And so the two went to work, picking up boxes, using them to help him get all the green crates. They were even able to get the box of china!  
  
"Great! This is the last crate!" Exclaimed May as Klyde chucked the last crate into the boat.  
  
"Good. Now give the order to the others to evacuate NOW!"  
  
"Aye-aye sir!"  
  
May got her communicator. "April, were done here! You can go now. you don't say... you don't say...you don't say... you don't say! YOU DON'T SAY! Okay bye."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She didn't say."  
  
As the two were about to get on the boat, they saw a trail of red smoke surrounding them.  
  
"May! Don't breathe it! It's probably toxic!"  
  
May, being the insubordinate little bugger that she is, didn't.  
  
"It doesn't smell toxic. It smells like... like..."  
  
"SO YOU'RE THE SAKE THIEF..."  
  
The two hesitantly turned around.  
  
***  
  
"B-B-BAIKEN?!" Exclaimed the two as they saw the pink haired swordmaiden with a murderous glint in her red eyes. If that wasn't scary enough, she was foaming. It looked like she was on drugs.  
  
"You little PUNKS! I HAVENT HAD A DROP OF SAKE FOR THREE GLORIOUS MONTHS BECAUSE OF YOU!" She said as she walked like a drunken zombie towards them  
  
"May, what's she talking about?" Klyde asked, puzzled.  
  
"We've been stealing the sake from this port since three months ago."  
  
"Oh dear."  
  
"No sake. It's been horror. You have no idea of all the dementia, manic- depression, delusion, fevers, hallucinations I've endured. It's WORSE than the time GEARS burned down my village! Now you two will pay. I wont stop until you two are just a greasy smear on my blade. I will make you into a bloodier mess than Kenshiro from 'Fist of the North Star' could ever do. I will beat you... TO A PULP!"  
  
With that, Baiken charged with blind, alcohol-deprived fury. To someone whose blood was sake, three months without it was like a three-month period. She is like the brave, valiant vixen who fights the predators who want to eat her children. The children called "sake"  
  
Klyde knew he couldn't fight. He could easily take out his Furaiken and fight her, but he couldn't risk losing his identity. Ky was about to jump off and run when May stood infront of her.  
  
"Klyde, I'll deal with her, start the boat and leave! The pothers are waiting. I'll follow after."  
  
"So your name is Klyde eh? After I gut this one, YOU ARE NEXT!"  
  
Baiken's lack of alcohol has made her into a very dangerous woman. May's anchor fell from the sky. When she clasped it, Baiken was gone and there were machine gun bullets that were moving towards her.  
  
May jumped out of the way, then Baiken appeared in front of her. Somehow she learned Souirou's machine gun run. Baiken drew out her sword and slashed the ground. Fire enveloped her sword as she wildly swung it. May could do nothing but defend against her blazing fury.  
  
"Baiken! Owch. Don't you remember me! ahh! It's me May! Argh! Why are you so angry?! Awch! I think you need help! AAAA!"  
  
"NEED... SAKE... IF YOU DIE I WILL HAVE SAKE... MUST KILL SAKE THIEF!"  
  
Ky knew that May was no match. He needed the gun arm and fast. After loading the FRB and strategically placing it at the deck, he went down blow to look for the gun arm. He had a strange feeling they would need it. Ky's instinct never let him down.  
  
May found an opening and called out Mr. Dolphin to bonk Baiken. Baiken stood straight, not making an effort to dodge or defend. Then she split into two. The dolphin harmlessly passed between the two of them. Then Baiken did Aoshi's flowing water trick. As the Baiken holograms surrounded May, a flame thrower came out of Baiken's decapitated arm. As they all fired on May, she super jumped upwards. The Baiken's stopped circling, then a canon came out of the arm and fired at May again. This time, a barrage of anti-tank missiles came flying towards May. May's good, but she can't dodge them all. The last one hit May square in the chest.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"  
  
As May fell to the ground, lightly charred, Baiken sheathed her sword and went for the kill. May gathered all her strength then in one last desperate attempt, did a surprise attack on Baiken. Baiken quickly drew out her sword and parried this attack. A vortex formed, paralyzing May."  
  
"WHERE DID YOU LEARN THE AMAKUKERUNUROHIRAMEKI?" screamed May as she stared in unbelief. Instead of making another slash, Baiken stood straight and stepped a few step back. Once more out of her arm, a HUGE PARTICLE CANON came out for the deathblow. "AND A PROTON CANON?!"  
  
As the proton canon charged, a sadistic glee came to her face.  
  
"Hey BAAAAAAIIIKEN!" she turned. It was Ky. He found the gun arm. "Say hello to my little friend!" Ky fired a charge shot. It went directly into the barrel of the proton canon. "Oh buddha..."  
  
"KAAAAABOOOOOOM!"  
  
Baiken flew to the stratosphere and fell down... charred to perfection.  
  
"Whew. Thanks Klyde!"  
  
"Glad that's over with. Come on May! Lets go!"  
  
"I * cough * will remember you face * cough * Klyde. THIS ISN'T * cough * OVER!"  
  
The little tugboat sped off. Leaving a heavily decimated port with a very dangerous Japanese at the center of damage.  
  
***  
  
Preview of next chapter: "Hello everyone! It's me April! Wow! Were getting an ancient treasure from an ancient ruin. Oh my, a dark and scary cave. There could be a lot of traps and monsters here. But its alright, just as long that Klyde stays with us. EH?! Your staying behind?! Huh? What's an addict doing here? Next time on The Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Raiders of the lost magical-expensive-thingy. Jam's so lucky."  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Whew! Next chapter is done! Good job Mir."  
  
"I'm gonna have another muffin!"  
  
"...Alright just get OFF of my head... It seems we have a visitor."  
  
"Hello Zam."  
  
"Tsuzuku. What are you doing here? Aren't you busy cvorrupting Sheo Darren's fic?"  
  
Indeed, the antagonist from the Wedding Night 2 was in his room. But a girl was with him though. One of a very quiet demeanor.  
  
"As you already know, that project is already done."  
  
"So what are you doing here."  
  
A grim expression came over his face. He brushed his silver hair and sighed.  
  
"Have you seen him?"  
  
"You mean..." he replied as he stared with his blue and black eyes at the girl Sho was with. "...her brother?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You mean he's missing?!"  
  
"Yes. And I have to stop him before another event like the Wedding Night 2 happens once more."  
  
"Unfortunately not. Why did you seek this universe first?"  
  
"I have detected certain fluctuations in your universe. I thought..."  
  
"Your concern is appreciated. But its just me getting used to the supreme power of one universe. It's nothing to get worried about."  
  
"If you say so. If something come up, do not hesitate to call upon the hexagon."  
  
"...I will only call the hexagon if it's the last resort."  
  
"Very well Zam. Goodbye."  
  
After the two disappeared, Zam looked outside the window. His blue/brown eyes reflected the full moonlight. As he lit a cigarette and scratched his spiky hair, he muttered...  
  
"I hope its nothing to get worried about... MIR GET OFF MY HEAD!" 


	4. Chapter 3: Raiders of the Lost MagicalEx...

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: All of the Guilty Gear characters portrayed here do not belong to me. They are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money.  
  
***  
  
Chapter 3: Raiders of the Lost Magical-Expensive-Thingy  
  
Ky was busy in his room calculating his...eheh...earnings. The sake sold pretty quickly and so did the China. Of course, there was the extra money the girls * ehem * "earned" from the sailors.  
  
"Okay, finally, there's the money Saint and Olivia donated. Ugh, to think this money came from filthy, dirty seamen! I will have to make a raid on that place to show those stupid, salty bastards on what happens if you take advantage of little girls on Officer Ky's watch! But first I have to focus on getting that 1,000,000 World Dollars and getting Jam back. * Sigh * Okay, add that up with the saving I already have, and that amounts to..."  
  
Ky pulled the lever on his magical adding machine. Ky took off his miniscule calculating glasses in disbelief. There was no way.  
  
"400,000 world dollars?!"  
  
Ky was understandably surprised. The amount he was expecting was less than half of that. Ky redid his calculation. There was no mistake. He currently had 400k world dollars. Ky was perplexed. How did he get that much money. Then Ky noticed the length of his parchment paper. It reached the floor already. Apparently, in addition to the expected money from his two missions, all the petty thieving the girls did added up. Hence, they got more money. But, that didn't explain everything. There was around 150,000 world dollars unaccounted for.  
  
Then, the clock hit two.  
  
"Oh, they must be at the ruins by now..."  
  
***  
  
Flashback to yesterday.  
  
"Okay April, why don't we investigate that ruins Jam was exploring for the next mission?"  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Klyde, but someone beat us to it."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Yes, other people have already explored the entire ruins. Every nook and cranny has been mapped out and everything of value has been taken. A shame too. There was around 250,000 worth of valuables too."  
  
Small spirit fires started appearing on Klyde's cap.  
  
"But, there is another ruins we can explore!"  
  
"Really? Where?"  
  
"Here, 500km west of the city once known as "New York."  
  
"But that place has already appeared on the news. Its probably crawling with explorers by now!"  
  
"True, but no one has gotten to the lowest levels yet! All the traps and monsters scare, if not kill, them."  
  
"Monsters? Traps? I don't know..."  
  
"Don't worry Klyde! If we can strip in front of horny seamen AND not get raped, we can easily avoid a few traps!"  
  
"...Alright. Just as long as you all promise NEVER to do something like that ever again!"  
  
***  
  
Meeting Room  
  
Ky entered the meeting room. The eleven girls were already there, chatting, drinking lattes, looking at the Ky catalogue and giggling, even playing Tetris on an X-Cube.  
  
"Okay! Lets get this pre-mission meeting started!"  
  
OBJECTIVES  
  
"Okay, our aim is to get to the lowest level and grab whatever's down there! We don't know what's down there so be careful. All we know is that there are numerous people already down there and there are a lot of traps and monsters too, so stay close."  
  
"Um Klyde, may we make a request?"  
  
"What is it May?"  
  
"You see, people will be less suspicious if little girls talk to them. They could think that they are just playing archeologist or bringing food to their fathers. So they would probably impart information much more easier so..."  
  
"You want me to stay behind? Is that it?"  
  
"Um, yes..."  
  
"Unfortunately, I can't do that. I know how absent-minded you girls can be! Remember our fight with Bridget? June almost died because she thought Roger was cute and tried to play with him!"  
  
"Don't worry Klyde! I invented something that could help you keep an eye on us!"  
  
"Is that so August?"  
  
MAP  
  
"The ruins is 500kms off the rubles of New York City. We will go around the city. We don't want to accidentally be around when I-NO gets her period."  
  
"Yeah. Remember what happened to Zepp?"  
  
"Man, I heard they are STILL trying to repair the west wing."  
  
"Was that the same time Potemkin went into a concussion?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"While the ship hovers 250kms off the ruins, the main party will take one of the ships and enter the ruins."  
  
CREW  
  
"Mr. Klyde, for this mission, you can choose three of us to make the main party. Choose who you think will be most beneficial to the mission."  
  
"Hm... August is the driller ready?"  
  
"Uh, yes sir."  
  
"Good, we might need it to break through hard walls."  
  
"But I can just blow them up! Limestone only needs 3 pounds of plastic explosive to...*"  
  
"No July, you might end up causing a cave-in."  
  
"Hmph..."  
  
"Okay, the first member is Jan. She is the only one who knows how to pilot the driller. Next one is Steph, in case we encounter some monsters. Finally, March, I noticed she has good people-skills. She can probably do the talking with the other ruin explorers."  
  
MECHA  
  
"Mr Klyde, you will be controlling this from the cockpit. The Chibi-Zepp!"  
  
The Chibi-Zepp was a small zeppelin. A small box that had small helicopter blades for flight. There was a small hole, probably where the camera looks. So you can look only forward. You will have to turn the unit in order to see other things. It was relatively easy enough to control with remote control.  
  
"Plus, we will be using this as well, the Driller!"  
  
The driller was something of a construction tool. It was an open, mechanical box, toughly two meters. It was enough to fit a human person inside. Plus there was a drill on top. It travels via tank wheels so it moves rather slowly.  
  
MISSION START  
  
***  
  
Klyde waltzed into the cockpit.  
  
"Status report."  
  
"They main party has reached the main entrance and is descending into the ruins."  
  
"Will we be able to maintain a signal on the Chibi-Zepp?"  
  
"Yes sir, we are using a strong 1-Terra Watt Signal tower so there is no danger of no signal."  
  
"Very good. Oh by the way?"  
  
"Yes Mr. Klyde?"  
  
"I calculated all our earnings, it seems that we have 150,000 world dollars unaccounted for. Anyone have an idea how it got there?"  
  
"May! You didn't tell him?"  
  
"Um no..."  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"While you were sleeping, we got your money and...eheh...went to a casino."  
  
Anime Physics at work! The following happen in the same order. Awkward silence followed by more awkward breeze Klyde turning stone and crumbling to dust Klyde reforming and and screaming his head off to the girls Girls going 'eheh' and 'oro'  
  
"Lighten up Klyde!" replied the first mate and main reason of the gambling. "I mean, we did get you 150gran. So what are you whining about?"  
  
"WHAT IF YOU LOST...?"  
  
"Then you would have to stay with us a little longer. That's the worst case scenario."  
  
"That would be so much work wasted!"  
  
"Quit your whining Ky! Everything worked out for the best anyway!"  
  
"...FINE. But from now on, all the money is deposited to MY bank account!"  
  
"EH?!"  
  
"That's right! Now on with the mission!"  
  
"Hmph..."  
  
***  
  
At the ruins...  
  
"Okay everyone, can you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Loud and clear!"  
  
"August, couldn't you have put a Lay-Z Boy on this Driller? It's so uncomfortable!"  
  
"Never mind that for now. I'll use the built in taser target to show you who to talk to alright?"  
  
"ROGER"  
  
"All right. Lets go!"  
  
***  
  
At the cockpit, Ky was watching the whole thing with the monitors. Of course, he could only see what the Chibi-Zepp could see. Luckily enough, the Chibi-Zepp was mobile enough to move around. Equally lucky enough was that no one suspected a weird mechanical thing that was moving around with three girls.  
  
Ky pushed his controller forward. Pretty soon, he saw a relatively young miner down the tunnel.  
  
"Hey, there's a guy!"  
  
Ky used the taser target and shot it at the guy. The three girls rushed to the man.  
  
"Huh? Are you girls digging too?" He spoke in a young, brash voice.  
  
"Yes we are! We're explorers!" replied March  
  
"Haha! Isn't that cute! Just be careful okay? There are a lot of traps around here so don't wander off too much alright?"  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
"I have an idea, why don't we go together? The more the merrier is what I say!"  
  
"um...what do you think Klyde?"  
  
Klyde thought for a moment. "No, I don't trust him. Tell him that we aren't sharing any treasure."  
  
"I'm sorry, we aren't sharing any treasure."  
  
"You really believe that's there is treasure around here?"  
  
"Um yes... Isn't that the reason you came down here?"  
  
"Aw heck no! I already got my share of booty. I just want to know what's at the lower levels!"  
  
Klyde thought once more. "Well, if that's the case, I guess we can let him join us."  
  
"Okay, come along!"  
  
"Cool! You'd better take this then..."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's a map! I've mapped out all the know locations on the first two floors"  
  
Klyde smiled. "That's nice of him. Be sure to thank him!"  
  
"Thanks you sir!"  
  
"Hey, call me Dipp. I'm sure we'll see each other soon! Well, good luck young explorers!"  
  
"Thanks! Mr. Dipp!"  
  
Acquired Map Dipp joined the party, for now...  
  
***  
  
So the four went off deeper in to the cavern. Klyde's sixth sense began tingling.  
  
"Wait. The three of you stop..."  
  
"Whats the matter Klyde?"  
  
"There is something not right about this..."  
  
"What are you three waiting for?" asked Dipp as he went forward.  
  
Just then, Vahn tripped a laser trip wire. This caused a pendulum to fall perpendicular to the hallway and SMACK. Hit Dipp.  
  
Dipp is now knocked out and cannot continue adventuring  
  
Klyde hit his head. "Man he's so useless! Well go on without him!"  
  
"B-bb-bb-but sir..."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"The pendulum is still swinging!"  
  
"Oh yeah, it is... There should be a switch somewhere... THERE! By the wall! It's so big only an idiot wouldn't see it."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"..." Klyde taser targeted it.  
  
"Oh! Over there." The girls proceeded to push it and the pendulum stopped.  
  
"Okay! Lets go!"  
  
***  
  
They continued down the ruins, using Dipp's map to guide them. Eventually, they reached the stairway down to the third floor. There, they met a man in an advanced, complex armor. Although the wrinkles in his face clearly says that he has gone through many winters already, he was still very muscular.  
  
"It looks he's a veteran. Let's talk to him."  
  
"Yes sir!" Klyde taser targeted him  
  
"Hm? Are you girls exploring too?" he spoke in a deep man's voice  
  
"Yes sir! We're very good explorers! We disarmed a trap already!"  
  
"Haha! That's good. But don't tell me you intend to go down here?"  
  
"Umm...Why not?"  
  
"There are a dozen traps down there! Plus, even if you get through all of them it will all be for naught! There is an unbreakable door down there. You'll need the key to open it."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Thank you Mr..."  
  
"Call me Ripp. If you girls were wise, you'd get out of here soon."  
  
"What do we do now Klyde?"  
  
"I'm sure that that key is somewhere around here. Lets go look for it!"  
  
"Roger!"  
  
*** "Wait a minute..." Ky thought as a particular wall caught his eye. He had the girls investigate it.  
  
"It's a small cave-in sir! I can easily break through it! Should I?"  
  
"Alright Jan, do it?"  
  
Jan smiled, waved, then charged head on to the wall.  
  
BONK!"  
  
"Um Jan, try charging with the drill first..."  
  
"Oh, okay!"  
  
Jan was able to drill through the wall. They were in a small cavern. They was a woman of semi-dark skin and white hair inside. Klyde ordered the girls to investigate.  
  
"Hello! What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was trapped..." she is very soft-spoken. Her voice is very sultry though  
  
"Oh! So we helped you?"  
  
"Yes. Thanks..."  
  
"Not exactly the talkative type is she?" observed Klyde  
  
"Here, take this..."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Ohhh! It's an ancient artifact!"  
  
"You can sell it for some money."  
  
"Wow! Thanks!"  
  
"I'm Tripp. Pleased to meet you."  
  
"What could she be doing here?" Klyde wondered. Then he saw on the monitor some writing, that he taser targeted.  
  
"What are these?"  
  
"Those are Gypp's notes." Replied Tripp  
  
"Gypp's notes?"  
  
"Yes. Gypp is a famous explorer. He writes tips and hints to help newbie explorers."  
  
"Wow! He's nice!"  
  
"March, what does it say?" asked Klyde  
  
"Lets see, it says..." Shift to Gypp's low, raspy voice.  
  
I have been long investigating the mysterious fountain of bliss. It has been said that the fountain of bliss is magical water that if you drink it, all your troubles seem to go away, hence its name. It seems that the key to finding the fountain of bliss is to gather three special stones together. One of which is in this room.  
  
"Sugoi! Should we get one? Huh? Jan? Steph? What are you doing?"  
  
Jan and Steph were hiding behind Tripp.  
  
"March...Why did your voice change while you were reading that?"  
  
"Eh?!"  
  
"Never mind that!" bellowed Klyde. "Just get a stone already!"  
  
Acquired Mysterious Yellow Stone  
  
***  
  
And so the girls went on exploring. They disarmed a few traps, fought a robot or two. Nothing they could not handle. Until they got to a corner. According to Dipp's map, that led to a dead end. But there was a strange smoke that was coming from the corner.  
  
"Oh no..." Klyde said as he realized what the smoke could be. "Poison gas! Jan! Steph! March! Get out of there!"  
  
Too late...  
  
"Aw man, are we like on the May ship again?"  
  
"Yeah man, we are like...so high up."  
  
"Dude, do you see a horse?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Is it pink?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Dude! You're wasted!'  
  
"No. You're wasted..."  
  
"No you."  
  
"No you."  
  
Everyone onboard was dumbfounded. "What are they talking about?"  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"April, can you get an atmosphere analysis of the place?"  
  
"Sure Klyde. First, I need a sample of the smoke, the Chibi-Zepp can get one. The vacuum is complete. Here it goes... Computer, begin analyzing atmosphere."  
  
Beginning Analysis. Determining Properties. Cross Referencing Properties. Defining Parts. Whoa, I see dead people. Dude, where's my ram? Dude, where's my Ram? Man, I feel like I've attained cyber-buddha-ness. Or something.  
  
"..." April began hitting the monitor  
  
BAM! BAM! BAM! "Piece of junk..."  
  
Analysis Complete. There are four major components in the atmosphere.25% Oxygen. 15% Carbon Dioxide. 10% Nitrogen. The last part is a huge saturation of carbon monoxide. The type of carbon monoxide that can cause intoxication, delusion, hallucination, manic-depression. Common name for product that can produce mentioned carbon dioxide is...*  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Marijuana. Oh boy, Klyde what do we do? Those girls are already high."  
  
"* sigh * Okay. You three listen up. March, did you bring that thermos you were packing?"  
  
"Um, I really don't know, but you know. Maybe I kinda did."  
  
"Dude, its here!"  
  
"Oh man, I must have some kind of, you know will of the word or something..."  
  
"Anyway... All of you take a drink."  
  
"Um...yeah sure."  
  
"O-kinda-kay"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
The three did so. They all took one good long gulp. Five. Four. Three. Two. One...  
  
"Oh my GOD! EEEEEEEEHHHHKKKKKKKK! Oh My **** God! *****, **** argh that doesn't taste ***** good! River dancing *****!"  
  
"BLEEEEAAAAAAAA. **** Oh my **** ****! Argh yuck! Dog **** taco!"  
  
"YUUUUUUUUUCK! **** **** ***** ***** **** ******* ******* ****** Barbara Streisand! "  
  
The three were spitting like hell. The marijuana's effect was too weak for the over-powering liquid.  
  
"Klyde, what was that?"  
  
"Liquefied pizza with chocolate ice cream. I had a feeling they would need it."  
  
***  
  
After a few hours for cursing, the three girls got they're act together.  
  
"Alright, lets find the joker responsible for this."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
The three rushed into the corner to find.  
  
"MR. ZANUFF?!"  
  
"Chipp?! What's he doing here?" Asked Klyde furiously.  
  
Indeed it was the ninja. He was on another pot session. He was smoking a huge marijuana cigar and making ship smokes ala Gandalf. He probably decided to do it here so that no one could see him.  
  
"hey little sea goddesses what's up?" asked the high ninja.  
  
Klyde, furious, put on the speakerphone on the Chibi-Zepp.  
  
"Chipp what are you doing?! I thought you gave up drugs in order to be a ninja better?!"  
  
"Whoa, Is that you Ky? Man, you lost weight or something dude. DUDE! You can, y' know, fly! That's great man. I wish I could fly. Or at least run fast like those ninjas."  
  
"... Well talking to him is pointless. Lets go."  
  
"Wait a minute man..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I wanna make an offering to the sea goddesses. Y'know, so that we have waves and pot always. Here, like, take this."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Sir! It's the key! The key to the room at the bottom level!"  
  
"March, how do you know that?"  
  
"Um... would you believe plot device?"  
  
"...No."  
  
"Then... how about the Internet?"  
  
"Well, that does make sense. Anyway, lets go."  
  
"Fare thee well, little sea goddesses dudettes."  
  
***  
  
The main party descended down to the very last level. There was only a straight hallway that separated them from the door.  
  
"Okay, you girls ready?"  
  
"Um, Sir Klyde, I'm not so sure about this..."  
  
"LETS GO!"  
  
And so the three charged ahead. A variety of traps sprung that they only managed to dodge by a hair. Apparently, they're luck rolls all passed. The variety of traps included were... Arrows firing from the walls Magnets trying to attract them to the wall Iron balls chasing them Pendulums swinging around Fire firing everywhere Boxing gloves springing out of the ground Disco music Teletubbies in dominatrix outfits with strap-on dildos Barneys with guns Floors that open up, having spike at the bottom Wrestlers in Tutus Proton canons (they seem to be on the market now a days) TVs that have Sadako crawling out of (One actually had Zappa crawling out of it) Poisons Strings Hands that shoot out knives Lions and other animals Electricity Evil Eyes And a bunch of other stuff  
  
Eventually, they reached the door  
  
"Is everyone alright?"  
  
The three were shivering beyond vibrational measurement.  
  
"Teletubbies. So many TELETUBBIES!"  
  
"I wuv you, you wuv me..."  
  
"SADA..."  
  
"I'll take that as a yes... Forward!"  
  
"Y-y-y-yes s-s-s-s-sir..."  
  
The three climbed on top of each other and the one on top shoved the key in and the door opened.  
  
"Here we go!"  
  
***  
  
As the three entered, there was a swarm of Robo-Kliffs?  
  
"Oh my god! This place must be connected top the old mine laboratory of the Shussen Kanryu Kyoku that collapsed a few years ago! I heard they made a Robo-Kliff before they made a Robo-Ky. But I didn't think that they would take the OLD Kliff. I thought they would use the young Kliff."  
  
Indeed they were robotic duplicates of the old Sheiksidan leader. With one exception. They had big mallets instead of big kitchen knives.  
  
"Klyde! They look strong!"  
  
"Nonsense, we aren't going back now! Attack!"  
  
"Owwwkaaay. Lets go girls."  
  
"AAAAAAHHHH!" SMACK "OWWWWW!!!"  
  
The girls were out numbered and out gunned. All they had was a Driller, their fist and a frying pan. They had mallets. Their first charge got them smacked back to the wall.  
  
"Klyde! What do we do?"  
  
"Knowing the sick humor of the post management bureau," Klyde thought to himself. "Girls! Throw rocks at them!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Just do it!"  
  
The girls grabbed every rock and threw them. The Robo-Kliffs just leaned back and avoided them.  
  
"Klyde! It's not working!"  
  
"Just keep doing it! Anytime now..."  
  
CRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKKK  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOO"  
  
All the Robo-Kliff's back broke and they all collapsed momentarily. Except one.  
  
"There! He is probably the leader! If we beat him, all of the Robo-Kliffs will deactivate!"  
  
"How do you know Klyde?"  
  
"Umm... Internet?"  
  
"Okay! Lets go girls!"  
  
Steph charged as the other two set up. The Robo-Kliff swung his mallet. Steph effortlessly dodged, showing her interpretive dance background. Then she did her Dynasty Warriors Combo. Jab, shin-kick, 45 kick, charge then a hay maker. This sent the robotic old man flying, into March! March was ready with her frying pan. Hey batter batter, hey batter, batter SWING BATTER, BATTER! Hit! Now Robo-Kliff was flying to wards Jan! Jan full charged the Driller. By the time the combo reached 25, the Robo-Kliff exploded. And so did the rest of the Robo-Kliffs. They had won.  
  
Now a chest in the room opened up. A HUGE black crystal levitated upwards then towards the girls caught it.  
  
"LOOK KLYDE! It's a giant dark matter!"  
  
Dark matter is a special black crystal that powers most magical items in the world. Needless to say, they are worth a lot of money.  
  
"Wow! Black matter! That's worth a lot! Especially since there is a dark matter shortage! Great job you guys!"  
  
Everyone in the mine was there. Conveniently after the battle was done.  
  
"Congratualtions! Don't you worry, I'll get the next one!" said Dipp  
  
"Haha! You young girls have potential!" said Ripp  
  
"Congratulations. You earned It." said Tripp  
  
"You did it little sea goddesses dudettes." Replied Chipp  
  
"Yay! We did it!"  
  
"Lets go home!"  
  
"Alright! Head on back now so that we can start the victory party!"  
  
"Roger!"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What is it April?"  
  
"I got an anonymous email. It's a map of the ruins that Jam was going to explore."  
  
"Strange, but why did s/he send it? We can download one anytime. The whole place has been explored anyway."  
  
"No sir! According to this, there is a secret wall that leads to another part of the ruins! It hasn't been explored yet. He says that there is a great treasure there! What do you think sir?"  
  
"Well, we don't have anymore missions, so lets do it! Bur for now, LETS PARTY!"  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere...  
  
"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!"  
  
Zam screamed in blind fury as a raging pain flooded his body. He fell from his computer chair. Luckily, Millia didn't show up, since he was doing the title of her BGM, writhing in pain. It was like every muscle cramped up in his body. Like Kenshin getting slashed by Shishio's fire blade. Like enduring Kensiro's North Star Hundred-Crack Fist.  
  
The pain lasted for around a minute. But it did eventually subside. But something else lingered on. Fear. Zam knew that there was only one thing that could have caused his immense pain.  
  
To Zam, his reality is like a part of his body. It exists as he breathes. If something goes wrong, Zam will feel it. He has a mysterious psychic link to the universe he has created. To him, he is just not the God of his world, he is the life force of it as well. If something goes against his will, it will cause a fluctuation in the waves of reality, which translates to pain for him.  
  
Zam now realizes that something, or someone, is messing with his world. He had his suspicion, as well as his doubts. But the pain was all too real. As the pain subsides, he stands up and faces the moon. The moon of his design, he could easily will it to be anything he desires. He sighs and lights up another cigarette. As he takes one long puff, the moon's light gleams in his blue/brown eyes. He faces the dark blue sky with a sense of anxiety.  
  
"So, you are here... MIR!"  
  
"Sir!" replied the red-eyed bot  
  
"Call Helena. We're going to the PORNO STORE."  
  
"WHHEEEE! ERO! ERO! ERO!" needless to say, his red eyes returned to their natural blue.  
  
***  
  
Preview of the next chapter: Konichiwa mina-san. This is Invader-Zam4 speaking. The pain still seems to grow. At this rate, I wont be able to continue my story. I might actually die! I have to get out of my universe for a while. I have to consult with someone first. I guess its high time everyone learned the true story of Sho Tsuzuku. Yes, I know he is in my world and I should deal with him before he becomes too much of a problem that he becomes a threat, but I wont. I have my reasons. Next time on The Misadventure of Ky Kiske, Sub Chapter: Zam's Creed. Its not stupid, its ADVANCED. 


	5. Subchapter 1: Zam's Creed

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske  
  
1 By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear characters are property of Sammy. Most of the characters portrayed here are property of Tecmo, Namco, Enix etc. I DO NOT OWN any of them. Please don't sue me I don't have any money.  
  
***  
  
Subchapter 1: Zam's Creed  
  
Zam was riding at the back of his black Cadillac down a familiar road. He wasn't at his world though. He was somewhere else. The streets were dirty and grimy. Whores lined up the streets. Drunkards litter the sidewalks. Just by looking out the window, he could see that this place is a cesspool of crime and depravity. Man did it feel like home.  
  
Driving the black Cadillac was a familiar, blonde, French woman. She was wearing her sensual white outfit, with a little cute chauffer hat. Of course, what kind of self-insert would he be if he didn't have some anime/video game bitches right? At his side, his little robot buddy MIR was asleep. Not on his head thankfully.  
  
Zam had a dazed look on his face. He was concentrating so heavily at his arm, which was now wrapped in bandages. It looked like he was going through a Camille Vidan state, like Sheo Darren did. This made Helena worry a bit. As Helena saw a shop coming to them, she smiled her usual smug.  
  
"Zam, we are here."  
  
Zam snapped out of his stunned state. Helena could once again see the gleam in his blue/brown eyes. "Oh, thank you Helena. Just park over there and wait for me. Keep the air conditioner on. I wont be long.  
  
"Yes sir..."  
  
As the car parked, Zam stepped out. He stared at his bandaged arm once again and sighed. Lightning a Marlboro, he went inside the porno store.  
  
***  
  
This wasn't just your typical porno store. For one, it was pretty big. It was as big a restaurant. And everything was well categorized. All the erotic CDs, comics, books, toys etc were all organized in a neat manner. You don't see that much effort put into a porno store. The main clerk was reading a newspaper, hiding his face. Zam approached the front desk. The clerk lowered his paper.  
  
"Hello Zam."  
  
"Morning Sho."  
  
Indeed it was Sho Tsuzuku who was manning the store. It shouldn't come up with too much of a surprise though. Only that megalomaniac would make such an investment at a porno store.  
  
"Here for some more CDs? We got a new shipment of dominatrix CDs." Asked Sho in an unusual friendly manner.  
  
Zam smiled taking a puff of his cigarette. "No, not today Sho."  
  
Sho smiled. "Aren't you going to going to deny forcibly, shouting expletives at me then nose bleeding yourself unconscious?"  
  
"Sho, you know that there is only one person that does that."  
  
The two looked at each other. A brief silence, then the two said at the same time, "Sheo. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH!"  
  
"So, why did you come here? I'm sure you don't have time for a break. You got a universe to maintain."  
  
Zam sighed. He slowly unraveled the bandage. "Could you get Sullia to look at this?"  
  
Sho looked at the arm. He couldn't believe it. That rancid, pile of flesh was his arm? It looked like it underwent third-degree burns. It was twitching like hell. The tendons were barely hanging on his arm. You could even see the bone in one of the fingers. You could even see blood coursing though it.  
  
"A reality wound? Someone is messing with your world eh?"  
  
Zam nodded  
  
"You know, there are ways to prevent the pain."  
  
"I know. But we must see the future with our own eyes."  
  
Sho smirked. "Sullia!" He called to the girl that was alphabetizing the yaoi CDs.  
  
"Hai! Onichan?" Sullia was that same mysterious girl that appeared with Sho on the night MIR had returned. She is a genki girl. Always smiling. She has a short, Ami Mizuno-ish hair. But it's color was blue-greenish. Hard to believe that she was related to Sho. Him being stoic, calculative, manipulative, and having black hair on one side and white hair on the other. She walked merrily to her brother's counter. "What is it brother?"  
  
"Would you mind taking a look at Zam's arm here?"  
  
The moment she looked, she put her arm on her mouth. "WAH! Zam-kun! How did you get that?"  
  
"Haha. Lets just say that someone doesn't like me."  
  
"Does it hurt?"  
  
"Quite a bit. You wouldn't mind, would you?"  
  
"No! Leave it to me!" She placed her hands above Zam's arm. A mysterious energy flowed out of her hands and into his arm. Zam felt a sweet sensation. It felt like spring water flowing through his hands. Slowly, Zam's arm was being healed. Sullia knew it would take some time for his arm to fully heal, so she sought to pass the time. She noticed Zam's spikes.  
  
"Ah! Zam-kun! When did you have your hair dyed?"  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"It red now! Didn't it used to be brown?"  
  
"Oh yeah! When did you have it dyed Zam?"  
  
"I didn't have it dyed! It still brown!"  
  
"No way, it looks like...*"  
  
"When sunlight hits it, it turns red, see?" He demonstrated his point by putting his head in the shadow. Yes it did turn into brown. Just then, a street urchin cam strolling into the store.  
  
"Mr. Tsuzuku! I finished selling the porn CDs!" he said as he handed a wad of bills to Sho  
  
"Good job kid." He said as he took half of the bills. "You can take your money and go home now." But the little boy didn't. He looked down and scratched his head.  
  
"Um, Mr. Tsuzuku, I was wondering...*" Sho raised his eyebrow.  
  
"You see, my mom need to have this operation, and she needs a lot of money. Me and my 7 brothers and sisters have been working to save up the amount but we're still a few thousand short and we need the money by today! So I was wondering...*"  
  
"You want to work overtime, is that it kid?"  
  
The small lad nodded. Sho pulled something out of the drawer and plopped it onto the counter. It was a stack of porn CDs.  
  
"Sell this by nightfall and you can keep ¾ of the profits."  
  
The child made a big smile as he snatched the erotic material. "Thank you Mr. Tsuzuku! Thank you!" he repeated several times as he rushed out the door.  
  
"There we go Zam-kun! Good as new!"  
  
Sullia's power was incredible. His arm had returned to normal. The pain and the twitching was gone. He placed it on her arm.  
  
"Thank you Sullia. I owe you one."  
  
"Ehehe. It was nothing."  
  
Zam then noticed a fish mask lying on the counter.  
  
"Where's the Shady guy?"  
  
"He's off on some business."  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Ryoga Hibiki, the eternal lost boy, experienced a miracle. After only 2 months of getting lost, he was back at Nerima. The Tendo Dojo was only up ahead. Soon he would be at Akane's arms. One way or another, he would be in her arms. Only a few steps left to his goddess. Just then, a real shady guy in a trench coat came in front of him. He pulled out a CD rack.  
  
"Boss, boss, DVD? VCD? X?"  
  
Ryoga's nosebleed shot him straight into the stratosphere and down, down, down to who knows where?  
  
***  
  
Back at the porno store...  
  
"Well, I'd better get going."  
  
"See ya, Zam..."  
  
"But, one last inquiry."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why are you in an Armani suit?"  
  
"I have a case today. Those damn bakers are filing a lawsuit against me. They said that my honest store drove them out of business."  
  
"I'm confused. Are you the defendant or the lawyer?"  
  
"Both. I'm representing and defending myself."  
  
"Um, Sho, 'the lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client' don't you know that?"  
  
"True, but tell that to the past five jokers who filed a lawsuit against me."  
  
"Oh well. When are you going back to East Town?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"East Town? The town east of South Town? The town you control?"  
  
"Oh. Sometime soon. I just have to fix all my business here and expand my humble shop."  
  
"I see."  
  
"You stopping by for orchestra night? I believe it's this week."  
  
"I don't know, I didn't like Wolfgang Crowzer's performance the last time. All he knew how to play was Castlevania crud."  
  
"Don't worry, it's not him time."  
  
"Who is it then?"  
  
"Madoka and Mido Ban."  
  
"Interesting. Reserve me a ticket."  
  
"Will do."  
  
"See ya Sho."  
  
"Hai..."  
  
***  
  
Zam returned to the back of his black Cadillac. "Helena, head for the airport. Some friends are dropping by..." She complied, driving them. Helena was not used to having a full knowledge of the situation. It gave her an uncomfortable feeling, especially when she learned her maid turned out to be an assassin.  
  
"Zam..."  
  
"What is it?" Asked Zam as he stared off into space.  
  
"I'm having trouble understanding this man called Sho Tsuzuku. I mean, he's an anomaly that feeds on other fan fictions by messing with the story. He gets stronger as he spends a longer time at a certain universe. He is a powerful being that can destroy realities. But that man in the pornography shop looked far from a reality-destroying psychopath. He looked like a businessman. So would you mind explaining to me what is happening here? What is he?"  
  
Zam hesitated for a moment. "Very well, Helena. You are my most trusted agents. I believe you have a right to know. But you didn't ask the right question."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The more apt inquiry is 'what are they?'"  
  
"They?"  
  
"Yes, they. Sho Tsuzuku, or should I say the TRUE Sho Tsuzuku is the keeper of the Ranma fan fictions. He is the guardian and herald of all the stories that all the great authors have made that involved that particular anime. He has traversed the imaginations of countless fan fiction authors. He has studied all of the story potentials, move explanations and modification ever made to Ranma Saotome. With his knowledge came power. Power that came from all the Ranma writers. What he gained was the power to summon ANY Ranma from ANY fan fiction ever made. God Ranmas, angst Ranmas, turbulent Ranmas, he could summon them all to do his bidding. He gained strength as well. He received the ability to USE any of the moves that he saw in ANY of the fan fictions ever made!  
  
But this power came at a terrible price. When he fully mastered all his new gained skills and abilities, he realized that they constantly deteriorate his existence. So much power was too much for one author insert to withstand. Oh sure, the thought of doing like Ryu Ohshi, being a wandering vagrant, kicking people's asses appealed to him, but he had another agenda. One that required longevity.  
  
So, TRUE Sho Tsuzuku split himself into three parts.  
  
REVALATION. This being represented his dark side. All his angst, hatred, indifference, insatiable thirsts for power was manifested in this one man. Needless to say, he is a powerful being. Not too smart unfortunately. He believes in only one thing: Might is Right. He antagonizes people for the sole purpose of being an antagonist. Oh sure, he could let people let live in peace and harmony but how would that be entertaining for him? He is also the one who messed up with Sheo Darren's fan fiction "The Wedding Night 2." Sheo called him Sho because he did not have a full understanding of his opponent. His real name is Samael Tsuzuku.  
  
GENESIS. This being represented his good side. All of his kindness, generosity, hope, and joy were manifested in this girl. She isn't as strong as her evil brother, and that's already saying a lot. But none-the-less she exists. Unlike her brother who has the power to wound and destroy, she has the power to mend and create. She is a kind girl but not in anyway innocent. She knows her way around. She has no desire for conquest or power. A simple life would suit her just fine. She is faithful, kind and benevolent. She was that girl I saw in the store. Her name is Sullia Tsuzuku.  
  
Finally, there is DEUTORONOMY. He is what TRUE Sho desired from the start. He is a being of pure logic. He knows not the boundaries of good and evil, just what is logical. The only cause that he strives for is his own goals. He moves with a calculative mind. Manipulating people for his own ends is a common act for him. He treads so surely. He is very stoic and virtually emotionless. Though his actions may have a certain bastard factor in them, he can easily justify them all in court. He is a business minded individual with a full grasp on all the concepts of law. He shuns physical combat, preferring other people to do his dirty work for him. Failing that, he goes into negotiations with his assailant. A blitz of words and facts usually incapacitates his enemies and usually leave them giving him half of all his property. His other fearful power is his power of CONVENIENCE. I have not seen the full extent of this power but this much i know: It is a power that makes everything convenient for him. He is the eldest amongst the three. He is Sho Tsuzuku, aka the guy that runs East Town and that porno store.  
  
Will that suffice? My dear Frenchwoman?"  
  
Helena was stunned when she realized whom they were dealing with. "So, you believe that Samael is the one messing with your world?"  
  
"I can't rule that possibility out, but I have no proof."  
  
"So, if you know that someone is messing with your world, why are you still calling all your agents? Why let him or her commit another tragedy similar to the 'Wedding Night 2'? Why aren't we stopping him now?!"  
  
"Your frustrations and confusion is well-justified."  
  
"So why?"  
  
Zam sighed.  
  
"Before I was a writer, I was a dedicated journalist. I got my story and and beat the deadline. I was as persistent as I was skilled. My stories were pretty darn good. I actually look cute in that press jacket and cap. After a while, I retired and became a writer. I saw that the principle of journalism can be applied to writing fan fictions. I decided to use that as a guideline, with a few exceptions of course. I have to be detailed, but not so frank. I have to define my characters well, even if they are fictional. But now, I have violated one of the most cardinal rules of journalism."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"A story is never supposed to be about you. I should have been involving myself in my story so much. My author insert shouldn't even exist. So I made a resolution. I will stay out of the limelight. I will not even mention myself. I will not deal with who ever are causing me all this pain until Jam is safely in Ky's arms."  
  
"So why are you calling all your agents?"  
  
"The pain will not stop. I may go into a concussion. But my consciousness can still continue writing the story. Unfortunately, it will be rambled thoughts. You three's mission is two fold. The first is to protect me. With all my energies concentrated to the completion of my fanfic, I doubt if I will be able to protect myself. I'll be as open as a strip club on payday. The second is to piece together my rambled thoughts, if I get into the concussion state."  
  
"I see. So who will be assisting me in this matter?"  
  
"Two other girls." Zam handed her two folders. "The first one is an agent known only as 'Whip.' She is skilled in the use of, what else, a whip. She is also trained in small arms and espionage. I met her in a candy store somewhere."  
  
Helena was analyzing her...co-worker in her mind. She probably thought of the other girls as competition for Zam.  
  
"16 huh? She's still a kid. Her body isn't even developed yet. He probably got her because of her connections to NEST. Either that or she was just there. Zam never did have a good judge of people."  
  
"The other one is Isabella 'Ivy' Valentine. She is a fierce warrior who knows a bit of necromancy. She has a full and complete knowledge of the supernatural."  
  
Helena continued to analyze her...'competition' in her mind.  
  
"Hmph. Sure your well developed. But you are just so...so...bitchy. Probably a whore. She probably drinks beer and scratches herself in public. Besides, I am so much more beautiful than this rancid, unsightly...*"  
  
"She is also my ex-wife."  
  
The black Cadillac swerved, capsized, did a Seta-san roll and fall back right side up unscathed.  
  
"Whoa...MIR, you alright?"  
  
"WOOHOOO! LETS DO IT AGAIN! THEN LETS MAKE WAFFLES!"  
  
"How about you Douglas?"  
  
"I'm fine. But you never told me you had a wife before."  
  
"Well, it was such a perfect place and time. I was a mortally wounded man who had amnesia and collapsed at the house of a lonely woman who was living the rest of her life in solitude after destroying the Soul Edge. She nursed me back to health and I kept her company. Even after she told me she was a necromancer who uses bondage techniques to subdue her opponents I felt an attraction towards her. I guess she finds a man who accepts her for who she is as attractive. When the shards of Soul Edge started appearing again, I divorced her. Couldn't have her having any distractions now could I? Anyway, lets go pick them up."  
  
A vein popped out of Helena's head. "Sure thing, Zam." She replied with a certain sense of tension.  
  
The black Cadillac drove on.  
  
***  
  
Preview of the next chapter: Bonjour mina-san! Klyde here talking! It'll be good to be back on the field with the FRB again. I wonder what Jam was looking for in this ruin. More importantly, who sent us the map of the secret passages? Well, you get what you've got and you go for it. Man this place looks dangerous. Wait, why does this blindfold look so hauntingly familiar? Next time on The Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Shadow Puppets of Doom! Jam, wait for me... 


	6. Chapter 4: Dark Shadow Puppets of Death!

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: All of the characters mentioned here are not my property. Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear trademarks are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
Chapter 4: The Shadow Puppets From Hell!  
  
Samael Tsuzuku, evil side of Sho Tsuzuku, parasite of worlds, stared out into the window of his hotel room. He was somewhere in Switzerland. He stared out into the scenery. The mountains were majestic. The trees swayed with the wind. Dragons competed for the dominance of the sky against the clouds. People walking peacefully by, until a random monster appears and they all draw weapons or start casting spells. As he burned the beautiful scenery in his mind, he made a smug smirk.  
  
"So this is the insanity that Zam has created eh? Its not too bad, I guess. Could use a little work."  
  
In the back of his mind, Samael knew that Zam was weakening. If he could be seen openly in public and nothing bad happening to him, he must be too weak to do anything about it. If what his assistant told him is true, it is already a challenge for Zam to maintain this world and his life. Just then, his manservant came in.  
  
"Sir."  
  
"Ah, Mancervantes, you return with news, I trust?"  
  
"Indeed I have sir. I have the information you were seeking."  
  
"About the hexagon?"  
  
"Indeed"  
  
"Well, lets have it then!"  
  
With the sole purpose of protecting author universes from spiteful antagonists or created characters that have gone out of control, the hexagon is the final line of defense of all realities. It is a council of self-insert writers who have well developed their characters and created them with justifiable and equal strengths. They have purposely forsaken God- moding, in the realization that this will not give an interesting story. The secondary purpose of the hexagon is to add excitement to a fanfiction. By their sheer presence at a story, they add their own brew of angst, comedy and weirdness to a story. The hexagon only intervenes if the ordinary protagonists, characters and author-inserts fail to stop a threat. They are dedicated to keeping an author of a universe the God of it. The other exception is if an author experiences writer's block of writer's boredom. Those are the only times the hexagon intervenes as a group. As individuals, however, they intervene whenever it is convenient for them. Despite the benevolence of their mission, each member seems to have their own agenda when not doing their duties. Whether it is gaining new powers, spreading their influence or developing their self-insert, the members have been known to freely intrude with the many anime and fancfiction universes.  
  
"..." Mancervantes paused  
  
Samael blinked repeatedly.  
  
"Well, its like a League of Extraordinary Self-Inserts. So if a universe or reality is in trouble, they mess with it..."  
  
"If it isn't, they mess with it anyway..." Mancervantes completed.  
  
"How strange. So who are the members of this 'council'?"  
  
"I was only able to get four of them sir."  
  
File 001  
  
Name: Sho Tsuzuku  
  
Current Location: East Town/Porno shop  
  
Abilities: Power of Convenience, Negotiation skills.  
  
Other notes: He has an ability similar to Kenshiro's pressure point where you point your gun at yourself, except he needs not touch you. He is not lucky, everything that happens is just convenient for him. Example, when he was at the roulette table, he bet half of his billions on 00 green. While the ball was spinning, a man chewing gum tripped. He spit the gum unto the green slot. The ball stayed at the green slot. Sho now owns that casino.  
  
File 002  
  
Name: The Shady Guy  
  
Current Location: Unknown. Doing several errands for the porno shop he jointly own with Sho.  
  
Abilities: Power of Porno, Technical Skill, Artistic Vision, Multiple personas  
  
Other notes: He seems to be the group's mechanic, he knows how to fix a lot of things, provided he has the tools. He also produces and directs most of the porno films at his shop, with the help of a porno director known only as PD. He knowledge of porno seems unrivaled. His main mode of defense seems to be throwing porn CDs with the accuracy, speed and lethality of a Predator's disk. It is more dangerous since he can throw several at one time. Though he may be more artistic than fighter, his other personas seem to complement him. There are only two known right now. Plaplavengance is a Metal rocker with abilities similar to I-No. Plaplaman is a heavily muscular man who knows Hokto-Shinken and wears a fish mask.  
  
File 003  
  
Name: Tyr De Luna  
  
Current Location: East Town  
  
Abilities: Expert Marksman, Professional Assasin  
  
Other Notes: He is Sho's personal assassin. He seems to be puppy-dog loyal to him. He is a dangerous man. He only carries three weapons with him. The first is his main weapon, a WW2 Mauser Rifle. Despite the obsoleteness of this model, he handles it perfectly. He is known to take out large groups of snipers, armed with Artics, from a distance using only that. There is also an account of him taking out the Metal Gear Ray using only that obsolete rifle. The second one is a spherical metal ball that he calls his 'cool thing.' His only description of it is that 'its this thing...and its cool!' Details of this weapon are unknown. Finally is a heavily wrapped object. No one has gotten a close look at it yet. It is suspected that it might be Wolfwood's cross-gun.  
  
File 004  
  
Name: Invader-Zam4  
  
Current Location: Own Universe  
  
Abilities: Unsurpassed Magic Power, Alien Technology  
  
Other notes: An eccentric writer who has unsurpassed magic power. It has never been seen the full extent of his power. He has only given a few clues to the magnitude of his magical prowess. One is that stopping time is the least of his skills. Another one is that he claims that he once fought Leena Inverse and Bastard at full power. He didn't say if he won or lost, he just said 'I survived.' Though he can do the occasional fireball easily, to do his more potent magic, he seems to require the need of a poem before he casts it. He never says why. He also has access to alien technology. Which specifically is unknown. He has been known to create the Juraian light sabers, travel in the Saiyan base balls, give orders to an Irkan Invader robot unit, use the Green Lantern Corp rings, use heat rays and x- ray vision and turn his eyes green as he fire energy blasts just to name a few. Though he seldom uses all his alien technology, having a slight preference to his magic.  
  
"So you have no idea who the other two members are?"  
  
"No sir, I am sorry. I do not even know if there ARE any more members. I am surmising that you are assuming that there are six of them because of the name 'hexagon'?"  
  
Then the two glared at the curtains. Mancervantes fires a green optic blast at the curtains.  
  
"Come out" ordered Samael  
  
A ninja came out of the shadows, his eyes green, like Mancervantes'.  
  
"He must be Zam's spy, I shall interrogate him sir."  
  
"Please do so Mancervantes."  
  
As the manservant left the room, a shocking and disturbing thought crept up to Samael. If Zam was the God of this universe, why did he need a spy?  
  
Jan dropped off Klyde, April, Steph and Ollivia at the drop point. Klyde took a look around in his FRB. Not too long ago, his wife was running around in danger here. Now he was here. Had he come 4 weeks earlier he could have saved hi wife. Or at least be at her side. Now its time to see: What was she looking for?  
  
"Okay, lets go."  
  
"Yokhai!"  
  
The sand storm blocked off all the sensors. They were completely blind, with the exception of the small ranged radar that is. They were still able to dispatch them easily. What made Klyde freak out was that whenever he blew one of them up, world dollar BILLS came out of their explosions. The girls were more than eager to pick them up. Several times, Klyde found himself walking in circles for no reason at all. As if someone is controlling him...  
  
There were several nuisances as they made their way to the ruins. One of many were these cube-like, talkative robots that were so full of themselves.  
  
"We are the borscht. You will be assimilated into our uni-mind. Resistance is futile."  
  
The borscht would have been a worthy adversary. Klyde's shock bullets, July's grenades and Olivia's magic rods blew them open. But they quickly regenerated and, like an old record, repeatedly said "The data from your attack has been analyzed and assimilated. Immunity is now at 100%"  
  
Indeed, they did gain immunity to the attack. Their attacks didn't even dent them anymore. "You will be assimilated." Klyde began to wonder what sick science fiction fiend could create such things.  
  
"Will you stop saying that!"  
  
"You will be assimilated."  
  
"Oh screw this! Girls, lets go!"  
  
"You will be assimilated."  
  
The thing about the borscht was that they moved as slow as zombies. They just ignored them and moved on. The borscht tried feebly to catch up, at their .5km per hour speed, to no avail.  
  
"Come back. You will be assimilated."  
  
"Oh that is it!" Klyde was angry now. He picked up a boulder and threw it.  
  
"Oh fck..."  
  
KABOOM!  
  
Apparently you can never get immunity to a physical attack. Just stronger armor.  
  
Eventually, they got to the site where Jam and Grant fought. Oh how Klyde longed to get a whack at Grant. He could never forgive him for hurting Jam. Though he kept imagining him as some faggot that went 'Ohohohohohohoh.'  
  
The problem was, they couldn't find it. The entrance of the ruin eluded their vision. They looked everywhere, well almost. There was sand, sand, sand, sand, rock, rock, rock formation, sand, sand, quick sand, sand storm, sandman, red stonehenge, a terracotta statue, sand, sand, charred earth, a piece of Jam's clothes (this made Klyde very angry) and sand. That and Faust molesting another little boy.  
  
"..." Klyde taser targeted Faust  
  
"Go get him girls."  
  
The four charged with rage.  
  
"Bridget's exploding teddy bear!"  
  
"Baiken's proton canon!"  
  
"Robo-Kliff's big knife!"  
  
"WHATTA SAYAKO?!" Faust saw new girls to play with, despite the fact that they tried to blow him up, disintegrate him and make sushi out of him, which he evaded, with a teleport. The three just blew up the boy, sending him high up into the air and falling down far, far away, safe from Faust.  
  
"Hello little girls! Lets play!" He did his swimming overdrive. The three jumped out of the way.  
  
"April! Don't just stand there!"  
  
April did not budge. Faust hit her and the four treasure boxes came out. Then April calculated at an alarming, super-computer-ish, speed.  
  
"Accordingtothedatacollatedbymanyfansitesallaroundtheworldaswellastheexperie nceofmostplayersthereisatreasureboxthatseemstohavethehighestrateofgettingana ngel,despitethefactthatthatisgoingagainstthelawsofchance,itseemstohavetohave thehighestsuccessrateandifmyreverseengineeringofthegameaswellasmyresearchisc orrectitis...THE THIRD!"  
  
Cherub came. Horn played. She was right. KABOOOM!  
  
"AIYA!"  
  
"April-chan! Sugoi!"  
  
"Glad that's over with, lets get back to finding the entrance."  
  
The five continued to search in vain. An eerie wind blew in.  
  
"looooooooooooook behiiiiiiiiind yoooooooooooouuuuuuuu."  
  
"April did you here something?"  
  
"No, Klyde-san, how about you July?"  
  
"looooooooooook behiiiiiiiind youuuuuuuuuuuuuu."  
  
"Nope. Steph?"  
  
"Sorry, Olivia?"  
  
"foooooooooooooor goooooooooodsssssssssss saaaaaaaaaaaaake! Looooooooooook behiiiiiiiiiiinnd yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu!"  
  
"No nothing."  
  
"I must have been hearing things. Better have Saint take a look at me when we gat back."  
  
"oh river dancing christ on a bicycle..."  
  
A meteor crashed behind them.  
  
"What the- Hey! There it is!"  
  
The four entered the cavern.  
  
It was one of the many ruins of the old world. Before the gears. Who knows what these large ruins were then? A smoldering pile of concrete and wood. But the biggest mystery is the one word that appears at every ruin ever have explored. It is the word that has the greatest archeologists baffled. It even appears twice in some ruins. Some claim it to be a sanctuary, since so many people have been seen clustered around the name. Some say that it is the name of a god of Love, one who offered the greatest aphrodisiacs in exsistence, hence s/he was worshipped everywhere. The most logical theory is that it is a hypnotic station for some evil man who desired the control of the world before it went to hell. It is the source of great and heated debates. What is the significance of the name "Starbucks?"  
  
Guided by April, Klyde and the three other girls ventured into the dark ruins, seeing an occasional 'Starbucks' every now and then, nothing that they hadn't known already. The ruins were stripped of anything important and many of the monsters have met their demise already. Finally, April led them down a long hallway.  
  
"The secret entrance that the anonymous e-mailer sent is straight down this hallway. We have to cross this part of the ruins called a 'department store.' It's a 200m walk so don't get too excited. Man, the ancestors must have had great stamina if they could traverse such long distances."  
  
As they ventured down the seemingly endless hallway, each step seemed to be colder for Klyde. The darkness of the ruins had a vague similarity to a dark forest. At the thought of that, Klyde subconsciously placed one of his arms on his shoulder. This made him pause for a while.  
  
"Huh? Klyde, what's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Sorry, lets hurry."  
  
Klyde hastened their pace. As they descended deeper into the cavern, Klyde realized the origin of his actions. Whenever he felt a bit chilly, Jam would lovingly place her arms around him. That gave him a sense of security, warmth and happiness. But now, the cold seemed to be flowing through his body. As if they were taking their revenge after being denied by Jam for so long. The frigid wind seemed to enjoy the fact that Ky had no one to protect him now, just some cold steel.  
  
At a mine somewhere unknown, Jam felt a sudden chill. She couldn't explain it. But she knew it was an omen all too well. Something was happening, but she didn't now what. Well, maybe she did. In her weakening voice, she slowly muttered:  
  
"Ky-san..."  
  
At last, they reached the end. The wall was massive. They bore a mysterious sign "Bingo Bonanza." Who knows what these symbols could mean.  
  
"Okay, this is it. We need to blast though this wall in order to get to the secret chambers, if our informant is true." said April  
  
"Alright. July?" ordered Ky  
  
"Okay, two pounds of plastic explosives should clear the path!"  
  
"But, July-san, wont that make the whole ruin crumble?" April asked  
  
"What?! Ow, alright, how about this condensed fire magic, this should just generate enough heat for a 20m radius, incinerating anything in its path!"  
  
"Including us?" remarked Steph  
  
And so, the four went through all of July's explosives. Each one stronger than the last. They went through C4s, gasoline tanks, Chinese fireworks, disintegrators, evaporators, nitroglycerine, two chemicals that if mixed together could create a chain reaction that would destroy mankind, atomic bomber men, time bombs, incinerators, and something called the 'cremator 2000.'  
  
"Grrrrrrrrrrr. What do you all want?! All I have left is this stick of dynamite."  
  
"That'll work!" remarked Olivia  
  
"What!? But its so...plain. Just a big boom! No lights, no ashes, no magic dragons, no rune symbols, no blue flame, no after smell, nothing!"  
  
"July, just plant and light it."  
  
"Awwww"  
  
A disappointed July complied. Unenthusiastically sticking the dynamite into the hole, she lit it sluggishly and walked lazily to cover.  
  
KABOOM.  
  
There was a new hallway beyond the wall. From the distance, they heard an inhuman noise. It was like the grunting of beasts. It kind of sounded like Donald Duck laughing. There would always be a drumbeat and a cymbal crash before those creepy noises came again. There was something sick in the air the five of them knew it.  
  
They advanced cautiously. There heard where the noises were coming from, it was in a room at the end of the hallway. They suspected that the treasure might be there, I mean, who wouldn't right?  
  
When they reached the door, Klyde looked at the girls to see if they were ready. Each one took a deep breath. July got her mini-flash bombs ready in her fingers. Olivia armed her fire rod. Steph got into a fighter pose. April stopped herself from hyper-venerating. Klyde signaled. 1...2...3! The Klyde opened the door.  
  
"Aw common Zato, you shouldn't be putting yourself down so much!" "But its true Eddie! We humans are so inferior, we have to DIGEST our food!"  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Each one of the five member party stared in disbelief. They looked like they were in a restaurant, with the exception of the bar and the stage. It was a cheap restaurant though. Plastic chairs for seats, cheap tablecloths, ashtrays made out of ash, and beer flowing like water. The sheer fact that there is a restaurant in a ruin was freaky enough, what made it freakier was that all the patrons and the employees were forbidden beasts.  
  
Yes all the dark forbidden beasts that roamed the earth were here. Some were dark beasts through the six forbidden magic. Others were infamous beasts that roamed around the world. Klyde could recognize most of them. What caught his eye was what was the sign that bore: 'Today's act: The ventriloquist performance of Eddie and his puppet Zato. Yes, Eddie was on stage doing a stand up comedy using Zato as his puppet. How ironic, the puppeteer has become the puppet. This must have been pay back for Eddie. Who knows what kind of abuse Zato did to him?  
  
Flashback, a few months ago. Zato is lying on a psychiatrist couch made out of shadow. He was in the fetal position cuddling a little plushie Eddie. Eddie is seated near him in an easy chair. He is wearing little glasses and writing down notes on a shadow board like a psychiatrist.  
  
"And then, a few weeks ago, I LOST MY SIGHT! Now all I can see is DARK! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"  
  
If Eddie had round pupils, you would have seen him roll them.  
  
"S...s...s...so what do you think I should do doctor?"  
  
"For the last TIME ZATO! I am a tool of destruction. I cannot give advice on life and love! I can only destroy!"  
  
"But...d...does...doesn't your name come w...w...with a PD? I even s...s...saw your diploma!"  
  
"Yes, I did graduate from Undead U, but for the Eighty-EIGTH TIME...I completed a course in DENTISTRY! NOT PSYCHIATRY!"  
  
"Oh, and there was this other time, I had a dream that involved Millia and a bowl of tuna. She was EATING the bowl of tuna! What could that mean?!"  
  
Eddie slapped his forehead  
  
"OI..."  
  
"So tell me Zato, what does it feel like being a lifeless undead dummy?"  
  
"You should know."  
  
"What?! Why you little..."  
  
Eddie started choking his lifeless partner ala Homer and Bart Simpson. The audience burst into laughter. Their laughter did sound like Donald Duck's laugh. That's probably why they never laugh in public... Klyde thought that it was time to do something.  
  
"um...Excuse me..."  
  
Every eye glared at the five humans  
  
Eddie spoke "Yes, can we help you?"  
  
"Uh, ehe, Is there any real valuable treasure around here?"  
  
"Last door on the next corridor. You cant miss it."  
  
"Oh, thank you. We'll be on our way."  
  
The five exited the room, somewhat relieved to escape that creepy scene. As they left, Zato hit Eddie with his fist.  
  
"Ow! What was that for?"  
  
"You forgot to tell them about Raynard!"  
  
"Oh, I did..."  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
The five continued down to the last door. They opened it to great anticipation. As they rushed it, the door closed behind them. They were a bit startled. But they reluctantly turned around. There was a big Gear Dragon in front of them.  
  
"ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
They all scrambled. Klyde tried his taser bullets, but the dragon just absorbed them. Same thing with Olivia's fire rounds. Steph knew her moves wouldn't work on dragon scale. And July's explosives wouldn't do shit on him.  
  
Raynard just breathed fire on them and swiped them with his tail and claws. Everyone barely evaded his attacks. Everyone was getting pretty beat up. There was more bad news. Klyde's Furaiken was starting to run out of juice! He had enough power for one last shot then it would go offline for 5 minutes, and that's 5 minutes too much of being vulnerable.  
  
So Klyde charged up. But he was in quite a dilemma. He didn't know where to shoot. Rayrad was flying above them, probably getting ready to roast them all in one last breath, one that would probably cover the whole room.  
  
"C'mon! Where to shoot, where to shoot...Eh?"  
  
The Furaibot tripped on some ruble. It fired the last charged shot straight into Raynards...  
  
KZZZZZZZZZZZZT!  
  
"ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"  
  
um... underbelly. Raynard hit notes higher that most Sopranos can do in their lives. He fell, defeated, and impotent on the floor.  
  
CRAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH!  
  
"Yatta! Klyde-san you did it!"  
  
"Whew! That was a close one!"  
  
"Yahoo!"  
  
"Wow, we were almost cooked back there!"  
  
"Great! Now lets get the treasure."  
  
The treasure box came out of nowhere, opened up by itself, and a f huge dark matter came out of it. It took the combined might of all four girls just to lift it.  
  
"Oh my god! Its enormous! April, estimate on how much this is worth."  
  
April took out a small calculator. "Lets see, if its this size, and it seems to be 48-karat, plus the shortage of dark matter, it should be...WHOA!"  
  
"How much, April-chan?"  
  
"ONE MILLION WORLD DOLLARS FLAT!"  
  
"Are you serious?!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
Ky was in a moment of ecstasy. He had done it. Jam will be safe in his arms again. His life as a pirate has come to an end. Now he could go back to desk job. He couldn't wait. Now was the time to give "Mr. Jerk" a piece of his mind. The Furaiken responded to Ky's energy and powered up the FRB.  
  
As Ky took the long march back home, each step seemed to get warmer...  
  
Preview of next chapter: "Bonjour mina-san! Its me Ky! That's right! Ky! Not Klyde! Jam, baby, you will be safe soon! Just hang on a little longer. I'll slap that Mister Jerk with a wad full of bills! EH?! Your Mister Jerk?! No way! Next time on the Misadventures Of Ky Kiske: Meet Mister Jerk! Wait for me Jam..."  
  
Zam's Blood Pressure: 110 bps 


	7. Chapter 5: Meet Mister Jerk

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related trade marks are property of Sammy. Most of the characters portrayed here are property of Tecmo, Enix, SNK, Namco etc. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
I would personally like to thank Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren for helping me in this chapter  
  
Chapter 5: Meet Mister Jerk  
  
A martyred author floated endlessly in limbo. After he sacrificed himself to save his own creations and his world, he had "killed" himself. He now floats endlessly in a damned plane. Something known as "Tar-author-us." It is a place where the consciousness of an author failed him/her. It was like floating endlessly in deep space, except you didn't die. You would have no feeling of time, space or reality. He didn't know what was happening to him. Is he alive? Is he dead? Does he even exist?  
  
Even if he were alive, he would never know. All he saw...was black. Oh, how he longed for some of his earthly senses and pleasure once more. If this continued, his mind would degrade. Pretty soon, his memory would fail. He would just be an empty shell of a man. As he stared farther into the endless darkness that enveloped him, he saw something.  
  
Saw? Yes. Sight is a mortal sense. This proved that he still existed. What he saw was...his memory was starting to fail. It was...blue. It was a blue light.  
  
Little blue balls of light swirled in front of him. Soon, more appeared and swirled. Then, they all converged to form a shape. His mind was starting to remember. They formed the shape of a being with wings. Then, a huge burst of light shined with great intensity.  
  
When his sight restored, after so long, he saw another person. But this was no ordinary person. She was a beautiful maiden, with long, lustrous, blue hair. Her blue armor was so stunning and majestic and intimidating despite it being very ornamental. Even though it was battle armor, it was very feminine. The blue, flare on her back that resembled wings made her look like an angel. This...woman could have killed with just her beauty.  
  
Then she fell to the ground, landing lightly on her feet. She opened her eyes and stared at him.  
  
"Sheo Darren."  
  
His mind jolted. Yes he exited. He was well. He shook his head to get out of the trance like state he was in.  
  
"Oro? Who are you?"  
  
"Greetings noble one. I am Lenneth Valkyrie."  
  
"Valkyrie... Lenneth Valkyrie. A Chooser of the Slain."  
  
"I have been sent by a friend. A friend who is holding you to your oath."  
  
"Friend? Oath? I know of none in particular... and why are you here, anyway? You can't be here..."  
  
"I am an avatar of souls. I recruit the souls of great fallen warriors to fight for the side of my master. That is actually my purpose of being here. A friend says that he will need of your... assistance in a matter. I can take you back, provided you fight for me."  
  
"Fight?" He sighed. "I am no fighter; I am just a dreamer lost in my own piece of the darkness. I am nothing here, nothing at all."  
  
Sheo closed his eyes again, the sadness evident in his voice. "I am nothing without her..."  
  
Valkyrie smiled. "HE knew that you would say something like that. That's why He asked Sho to send something here with me."  
  
Now that particular name got him out of his angst-laden funk.  
  
"Did you say...'Sho'?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"As...in...SHO TSUZUKU?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes."  
  
"I should have known. The bastard haunts me even here and now. So, what diabolical horror did Sho send to 'persuade' me?"  
  
"Him." Valkyrie pointed to a man approaching them. He was a handsome bugger, dressed very stylishly. He had a dignified face and long, flowing hair. When Sheo saw him, the author breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"A man. What a relief. I was expecting worse out of Sho." He raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "Who is he anyway?"  
  
"He is the vampire known as Lestat. He is the epitome of vampire sexuality. He has made love to over 200 partners over his undead life."  
  
"Right. Now, how is this supposed to scare me to going back to Sho's world?"  
  
"Did I mention that he is bisexual?"  
  
Sheo slowly turned a very suspicious and infidel (unbeliever) gaze back to Lenneth.  
  
"He is?"  
  
Lenneth nodded.  
  
Sheo turned back to Lestat.  
  
Lestat smiled.  
  
Sheo breathed a curse beneath his breath. "Get me out of here."  
  
With a swirl of light, the two were gone.  
  
When Sheo awoke, he found himself lying on a bed. Sullia was seated next to him (but thankfully for the newly-returned author, she was dressed).  
  
"Ah! Sheo-san! You're alive!"  
  
"Like I was ever dead." Sheo felt the superficial sensations of the living once more. To one who was a being that was without name, to return to your previous life was ecstasy. The first sensation: ANNOYANCE.  
  
"Sho, you bastard, I don't know how I will do it, but I swear that somehow and sometime in the near future, I will bring about the Ragnarok and silence your evil for good! And this time, it won't be business of saving the world as usual; it will be very personal."  
  
Sullia giggled.  
  
"Heehee. Oh Sheo, you're so silly. Sho didn't ask Valkyrie-san to bring you back from the.. um... dead. He just helped!"  
  
"It wasn't him?! Then who?!"  
  
Sullia made a small smile on her face.  
  
"Zam did."  
  
Just then, Sho entered the room.  
  
"Good to see you alive Darren. Well not really..."  
  
"I won't say the same for you--"  
  
"But you should."  
  
--and certainly not for myself."  
  
Sheo took a look at himself. He was in some ethereal state. It was like he was a ghost or something.  
  
"Curious... I'm really too tired to ask, but: What's this?"  
  
"You have become an Einjerejar." In a majestic manner, Valkyrie teleported into the room Sheo was in. "You have become a warrior of the Gods. Your existence is similar to the undead. You are dead, yet you feel physical pain. You are no longer living but you have not yet passed on to the next life. You have earthly consciousness but is in a different level of existence."  
  
Sheo glared at Sho. "What oath are you holding me to?"  
  
Sho made a smug smirk. He knew what he really meant by that.  
  
"I am not the one holding you captive Sheo. Zam is. As to the oath, it is your sworn alliance to the hexagon."  
  
"What alliance?"  
  
"This one." A stone tablet fell on Sheo's crotch.  
  
"Ow." Really, it was worse than he could say out loud. Nevertheless, he read it out loud.  
  
"I, Sheo Darren, swear to protect, defend and meddle in all universes that are facing imminent destruction, devastation and boredom along with the other members of the hexagon. I will... DESTROY ALL ADVERSARIES? ... CREATE HENTAI STORIES IN THE UNIVERSES I MEDDLE IN?! ... EXPAND THE SHO TSUZUKU EMPIRE?! ... ENTITLED TO FIVE CUPS OF CAPPUCINO EVERY WEEK?! SHO! I NEVER AGREED TO ANY OF THIS!"  
  
"Of course you didn't. I forged your signature."  
  
"It seems that the sole purpose of your existence is to make my life more miserable..."  
  
"Among other things. I do have a life outside of you, Sheo. It's just I enjoy playing with you."  
  
"And among other things, the perennial question: Doshite? Why?"  
  
"I am a lawyer and a businessman, Sheo. Your assistance will be...convenient and beneficial to, not just me, but everyone. Besides, what is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops screwing with you after you're dead. Just because you're were dead doesn't grant you immunity to being of use to me."  
  
"I'm not dead," the youth quietly said under his breath.  
  
"Don't worry Sheo. Zam only intends to use you as a last resort."  
  
"And may I ask why so, once more?"  
  
Sho's face grew to dark and cold. More than usual. It was like he drank three times his usual dosage of "Cold Heartless Bastard Ice Tea."  
  
"I wish I knew . But even he doesn't know."  
  
"Oh?" That was a surprise to Sheo, considering how seemingly omnipotent his foe was. "Now that's new."  
  
"I will resist the urge to create a witty retort for that. There are more pressing engagements. Zam's universe in experiencing some outside interference. He suspects that someone is destroying the universe that he made. Since he fused himself with his universe that has a direct toll on his body. He only asks that we be on standby, in case he can't deal with it alone."  
  
"Zam-san..." muttered Sullia feebly.  
  
Lenneth was speechless, hearing the fate of his employer/comrade-in-arms.  
  
Sheo was, to put it in two words, 'quite curious'.  
  
"That's why he called me back from the dead?"  
  
"Yes. Well, I have to get going. Sullia, mind taking care of him."  
  
"Hai, Onichan!"  
  
"I will be going as well," said Valkyrie  
  
Sheo and Sullia were left alone.  
  
"Well, I can't help my being here now." Sheo turned to the girl who was the 'kind third of Sho Tsuzuku'. "Where are we, anyway?"  
  
"Your in the town far east of South Town. People usually call it East Town. Its real name though, is Mugenjo or Infinity City."  
  
"Kowaii..." Scary...  
  
"Sho-onichan owns this place!"  
  
Sheo could not help but mutter a few expletives  
  
Ky ventured into a huge hallway. The size of the room rivaled that of a cathedral. He was dressed in his old Holy Orders uniform. He firmly clutched an attaché case. He was a bit intimidated by the size of the place. At the end of the hallway was a table and a rotating chair that was turned backwards. Ky's blue eyes flared anger.  
  
"Jerk..."  
  
After being in awe for a while, Ky remembered his being here. In his last mission, he had earned the total amount that he needed to rescue Jam: 1,000,000 world dollars. Now he had wished he took that mission first. He just needed to repay Jerk the amount that Jam owed him and she would be free and back in his arms.  
  
Ky grit his teeth as he approached the table. Oh how he wanted to strangle this Mr. Jerk. How he longed to see his bloody, half-dead body lying in his feet as he cuffs him. But not right now. That day will come, Ky told himself, but for now, he has the upper hand. Ky climbed up the elevated platform that the desk rested upon.  
  
"Excuse me..."  
  
The chair turned. At last, he would see the face of evil. He would see the fat, perverted businessman that he imagined was he. At last, he would see...  
  
"Hello! Pretty little French boy!"  
  
"What in the name of Jesus Christ's bicycle..."  
  
Mr. Jerk? The person behind the chair was a beautiful, well-endowed, blonde woman in a skanky business suit.  
  
"My name is Wendy Weber! What can I do for you, pretty French little boy?"  
  
"Uh...ehe...There must have been a mistake. I am looking for Mr. Jerk. The people outside must have pointed me to the wrong direction."  
  
"Oh, so you want to see Mr. Jerk eh? What business do you have with him? Pretty French little boy?"  
  
"Well, he abducted my wife and I am here to buy back her freedom."  
  
"Hmmmm...so you are taken pretty French small boy. What a shame. Tell me, how do you know...Mister Jerk? He is a very shadowy person and is only known to a few people."  
  
"Well, um...I heard my wife saying his name as se fought a lackey of his."  
  
"What is the name of your wife pretty petite French boy?"  
  
"Jam... Kiske-Kuradoberi Jam."  
  
"Oh yes... She is the Chinese chef is she not?"  
  
"Um...yes"  
  
"What was the name of her abductor?"  
  
"I believe it was...Grant." No point in keeping secrets here. Everyone here must know who they were, probably.  
  
"I see. Tell me pretty puny French boy, did you only hear their voices? Not their faces as they fought?  
  
"Um...yes..."  
  
"I see. Tell me, did you notice something...peculiar about Grant's voice?"  
  
"What...nothing I guess. Well, there was some kind of oriental accent in his English."  
  
"You are most perceptive pretty French-ling boy. Grant is Korean. Now tell me, how exactly did they say Mr. Jerk's name?"  
  
"What? Why do you want to know?"  
  
"Mr. Jerk likes his name pronounced in a particular manner. I would like to know if Grant has been following it."  
  
"Well, they both just said Jerk. Mister Jerk. That's it."  
  
"I see. Don't you thing it is strange? Two oriental people, calling someone Mister. Shouldn't they have said 'Jerk-san' instead of 'Mister Jerk'?"  
  
"Huh?" Ky was getting agitated. "Is any of this relevant?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, pretty loli-French stupid boy, it is."  
  
Wendy pushed a button. Her name flashed in her desk. Ky read the flashing name.  
  
"Wendy Weber Misterjerk..."  
  
In one brief moment, Ky's belt buckle title changed from "Hope" to "Free"  
  
"What the (expletive)..."  
  
Then it changed back...  
  
Misterjerk grinned.  
  
"So you are here to free your wife eh, pretty anal French boy? How nice of you."  
  
"I'm beginning to resent that."  
  
She began hitting the keys on her computer.  
  
"Oh my, she owes quite a bit..."  
  
Ky snapped out of his trance-like state, after saying WTF in his mind over and over again.  
  
"Yes, I know. Here is the money." Ky opened the attaché case. "Now give her back to me!"  
  
"Hmm...One, two, ...seven...hmmmm... you seem a bit short pretty French undersized boy."  
  
"What are you talking about?! There is a million world dollars in there!"  
  
"Oh, you silly, silly, pretty, French jailbait boy. There is a little thing we like to call 'interest'. I wouldn't lent her that exuberant sum without expecting something in return now would I?"  
  
"No...no way..."  
  
"Let us see...This amount, times my usual rate...times the time...You still owe me... 2,000,000 world dollars."  
  
Note: He's hyperventilating in the next line.  
  
"TW...TW...TWO MILLION WORLD DOLLARS?! WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THAT KIND OF MONEY?!"  
  
"That is not my problem, pretty French 'echa mein schiesse' boy. Grant! We are done. See him out."  
  
Note: Misterjerk made a reference to the South Park movie in the past line  
  
Grant stepped out of the shadows. The mammoth-build man dressed in a trench coat was far from the fagoty Grant that Ky had imagined.  
  
"Yes ma'am  
  
"Oh no!" Ky drew out his Thunder Seal Sword. "We are not done here Jerk! I mean, Misterjerk!"  
  
"I believe we are, by the way it's pronounced 'Mishtierjurk'. Good bye."  
  
Wendy pushed a button and a trap door opened under Ky, bringing him outside the building.  
  
"What a nuisance..."  
  
"Indeed he is Grant. So tell me, what is the good news that you bring?"  
  
"We have found a dark matter that can power it!"  
  
"Glorious. Now all we have to do is finish digging THAT."  
  
"A shame that we have to sell it. A dark matter that size would have bought us a small country."  
  
"Why settle for a small country when I can have...THE WORLD?"  
  
"If I may, Misterjerk-san, you have made such a brilliant ploy. Lending huge sums of money to unsuspecting people, then shanghaiing them to work as slaves in the mines."  
  
"Yes. It is brilliant, isn't it Grant. Soon, this brilliant mind will be taking over the world! BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"  
  
"Kwehehehehehehe!"  
  
"Grant, must you laugh like a Forbidden Beast?"  
  
"I can't help it ma'am."  
  
Klyde was back on the May Ship, in his pirate uniform.  
  
"DAMN IT! DAMN THAT WOMAN! I PRAY FOR THE DAY THAT I CAN SEE HER BEHIND BARS!"  
  
May approached the agitated Ky  
  
"So...what are you going to do now Ky?"  
  
"What else can I do? I have to continue buccaneering until I get 2 million world dollars. (sigh) April, how much is in my account anyway?"  
  
"Around 850,000 world dollars."  
  
"Well, at least I'm almost halfway there. Crap, I'm still helpless. So April, you researched on new money making ploys?"  
  
"Yes sir! Do you remember that bank we were supposed to rob?"  
  
"You mean the one where you dropped us off in the wrong island? What about it?"  
  
"I heard that some new gold bars have made it to that bank!"  
  
"GREAT! I don't care if we have to face that cross-dressing yahoo. We are going back there!"  
  
"Um...Klyde, there is one problem..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The bars wont get there until the SEASON is over."  
  
"What?! So we CANT DO ANYTHING?!"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Damn it."  
  
"Um sir, since we don't have anything to do...why don't we pass the time in the mountains."  
  
The veins in Klyde's head vanished. He breathed one long sigh  
  
"Alright. If we cant do anything, lets go to the mountais."  
  
"YAY!"  
  
Sol, former Gear Hunter, stood on top of a mountain...  
  
The sun rose behind him...  
  
Sol's silhouette stood steadfastly as wind blew past him...  
  
He stared intently as he surveyed the area that would be his...  
  
Then he raised his Fire Seal Sword...  
  
And threw it to the ground...  
  
Instead of getting imbedded to the ground...  
  
It just lied flat on the ground...  
  
Sol put one foot on the weapon he created...  
  
He smugged.  
  
"GUNFLAME"  
  
The fuenken burst a shot of fire, propelling Sol in to the air. Sol landed, shredding his Jinki into the snow.  
  
Snowboarding season was in.  
  
"Welcome, everyone, to the annual GGSSXX tournament! Where snowboarders all around the world drop whatever the hell they are doing to compete in this exciting tourney! I'm Zell Dincht!"  
  
"And I Eikichi Onizuka, 22 years old, yoroshkun!"  
  
"And we will be..."  
  
"your GREAT COMMENTATORS for this tournament!"  
  
"You know Eikichi, it sure is amazing on how popular snowboarding has become."  
  
"You're right Zell. It has become so popular, it has actually replaced basketball and football as the planet's favorite past time!"  
  
"Lets take a look at our contestant!"  
  
"First up, we have our all time champion: Sol Bad-Guy! He is charging in his patented square fireboard. He is really tearing up the tracks with his impressive speed. But he always did have a rough landing.  
  
"Lets hope that doesn't affect his chances. Now here is former holy knight Ky Kiske! His air moves always smooth and flowing. Will his finesse and cross snowboard help him to win?"  
  
"Here is Millia Rage. This sultry snow boarder is always popular with the men! Many say that her moves always has a subliminal implication in them. Her snowboard is her hair in the skateboard mode. Will her sex appeal help her to win this exciting tourney?"  
  
"Now is the controversial forbidden beast who is also a successful ventriloquist, Eddie! His shape shifting moves are always showy...is that his dummy he's using as a snowboard?"  
  
"Apparently so. Now is another assassin, Venom! He is a new player. He seems to have a suitcase, the type that contains pool sticks. Wait, a snowboard is in that suitcase! He's attaching the two pieces...and off he goes! Lets see how this new comer fares!"  
  
"Another new guy is this old dude called Slayer. His cape BECAME A SNOWBOARD? Man, he's so rigid? How can this Methuselah win the tourney? WAIT! He's doing tricks WHILE he is rigid! His board is spinning in the air WHILE he is still rigid! Man, this guy is good!"  
  
"Now we have a ninja, Chipp Zanuff. He doesn't have a board. OH MY GOD HE IS JUST RUNNING! Man, is he fast. I hope he can keep control..."  
  
"Now is the great doctor Faust! He's just swimming? Well, Faust always did have great control, he just always finishes last."  
  
"Here is the representative of Zepp, Potemkin. I wonder what is his board. He crawled up into a ball, and he is rolling like a giant snow ball? Well, that is giving him a lot of advantages in speed and obstacle control..."  
  
"Now here is Axle-Low! He is using a traditional snowboard! Wow, he is pretty good. It's like he lived in the time when this sport was invented!"  
  
"Here is hitokiri Baiken...Is that a tatami she's using as a board? Whoa, she's got great balance and control...for someone who has one eye and one arm..."  
  
"Wow! Its one of the cute girls of the competition, May! She's using a dolphin as a board! She always has flashy moves, like jumping up high with three dolphins. How will she fare?"  
  
"We got the natural playboy Johnny! Even though he's hjust using an ordinary board, he is really stylish. Break dancing in mid-air, teleporting when he is in a batoujutsu stance...man he can give Sol a run for his money!"  
  
"Here is Anji Mito. His snowboard is a very ornately decorated one. Its impressive on how he can incorporate Kabuki dancing in snowboarding. Lets see if he can dance his way to victory!"  
  
"Now we have the sexy guitarist I-no! Even though she is using her guitar 'Marlene' as her board, she can still play her! Man she is one hot mama!"  
  
"Next up is Zappa! Whoa...just looking at him makes my back hurt dude. But its incredible on how he just rides that sword he uses as a board. Quick fact: ever since Zappa joined, ghosts have appeared in the slope."  
  
"Finally, we have Bridget. He is only using his yoyos. He can actually ride his yoyos! Lets see if he can win the tournament."  
  
As everyone shredded on, the theme music of Chocobo Racing played. While they were racing each other, Robokys with feet of skis pursued them.  
  
It's going to be a fun season...  
  
END  
  
Preview of next chapter: Hello everyone. My name is Sho Tsuzuku. With the snowboarding season still up, I guess Zam's story cant continue. I guess you should all probably know what happened to Infinity City? Why I am now its owner? Well you will all find out soon enough. Next time, on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Subchapter 2: Welcome to Shou Town. I hope you enjoy your stay...  
  
Zam's blood pressure: 102 bps 


	8. Subchapter2: Welcome To Shou Town

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske By: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske, Guilty Gear and all related trademarks are property of Sammy. The rest of the characters in this story are property of SNK, Enix etc. Please don't sue me I don't have any money  
  
... ... ...  
  
Subchapter 2: Welcome to Shou Town.  
  
... ... ...  
  
Japan has a bloody past of violence and wars. Each era seemed to bring more pain and suffering to all its citizens. Fists, swords, spears, bows, guns all seemed to bring the terrible result. This era would prove to be the greatest pain that the people of Japan may have endured so far. Their survival of the Tokugawa era may be their greatest ordeal yet. For this was not just a time of great violence, it was is also a time of great evil. A dark power reigned across the land. Its evil threatened to destroy everything that the people held dear to their hearts: their homes, their families, their lives. This dark power consumed countless, ambitious souls to do their handiwork. The light of Pandora's box seemed to weaken...  
  
... but not extinguish  
  
For only in a time of great despair do the greatest heroes emerge. Warriors came, faced and defeated the evil that manifested it over and over again. They clashed with the darkness and continually defeated it. These warriors fought bravely and with each new and more dangerous threat that emerges, more of these brave souls emerge. Now, the evil has come again. So have the warriors. We join two of these new warriors. They are locked in a stalemate duel.  
  
One is a valiant, young girl. She was the dedicated protector of her village. With arrows of justice and a bow of strength, she protected her village against all those who dare threatened it. Sadly, she failed in her task. As she bravely sought out a deadly demon, other knaves came and destroyed the defenseless village. With nothing left, she went after the demon that she was seeking. Does she seek redemption? Does she seek revenge? Why does she pursue this demon? Only she knows and she is not faltering from her quest.  
  
The other is a stalwart young man. He is the current heir of the Tokugawa dynasty. But he fights in order to be strong. Despite his cool exterior, he is in great turmoil in his mind. A man whom he has never defeated, whom he has looked up to has rebelled against his family. He is torn between blood and water. He knows not which path he will take, but he knows that he has no easy choices. Whatever path he chooses will be littered in blood and the death of the ones he cares about. Right now, he can only rely on the seven swords on his back.  
  
The two clash. Neither one of them knows why, but now is not an era of reason. Now is an era of war. The girl fires one of her arrows as the young man charges. He uses one of his knives to block the bow as he unsheathes his longest katana and attempts to slash the girl. But she is surprisingly mobile. She jumps unnaturally high and showers death upon her foe. He, in return, creates a big blue wave that repels all the arrows. He chases after her. As she lands, she sees him charging at full speed. Seeing this as a dire situation, she uses a last resort. Gathering enough energy, she jumps with a great deal of power and a great deal of height. This startles him and sees that she in on a collision course towards him! He parries her assault with two of his katanas. It takes a great deal of strength, but he repels it. The girl lands safely on the ground. He takes this opening and uses his own desperation. Creating a field of energy within a one meter around him, he creates a sudden shockwave to send her airborne, where he will take the leisure of cutting her apart. She sees his ploy and jumps away from the field of energy before the shockwave starts.  
  
They are both impressed and awed at each other's skills. The engage in a stare down. Neither one of them moves. One shot, both think. They think that they only need one shot to take their adversary down. She plans to send a flurry of arrows and impale him, killing him before he even gets close. He plans on slashing her to stagger her and then send a hurl of stabs to kill her off. A solitary leaf dares to float down in between them. As it innocently touches the ground, they charge on last strike. He charges and gets ready to draw. She prays for the speed to unleash all those arrows.  
  
...  
  
He slashes  
  
...  
  
She lets go of the string.  
  
...  
  
Their bloodlust blinds both of them. Both of them feel and hear something hit. They feel no pain and continue their attack. She unleashes the hell of arrows and he stabs relentlessly. As their energy fails them, their vision returns. They find that they are both alive and that what they hit...was a green wall?  
  
Indeed the green wall had absorbed all their attacks and seems to take no damage. They mysterious blockade originated from a hand glowing green, especially the ring finger. This hand was attached to a being that was levitating. He was an intimidating character. His brown spiky hair and the black battle garb he was wearing fluttered regally in the wind. As his feet touched the floor, his malignant blue/brown eyes cast it on the two warriors. With a smug smile, he greeted.  
  
"Greetings, Yoshitora Tokugawa and Mina Majikina."  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"I am Invader-Zam. I have been observing you two. Intently and critically. I have to say that you two are the most cheapest and annoying characters I have ever seen?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You fire an endless stream of arrows and can do it in an alarming rate! You never give the enemy a chance to get near you! Not honorable."  
  
"Why you..."  
  
"And you can abuse one move! You can go through a war utilizing nothing more that one move. It seems that you are too afraid to venture forth and discover more."  
  
"How dare you..."  
  
"Needless to say, you two do not fight honorably and are do not honor any for of code! The code of the thieves seems really benevolent when compared to you two!"  
  
That was the last straw. Mina could not contain her rage anymore. Who was this cretin to just barge right in and judge her? He had no right and this insolent man would be silenced. NOW.  
  
She fired an arrow at him. She aimed it straight for his head. He could have easily done anything to avoid it. Caught it in one hand. Create a field of destruction disintegrating it when it comes near him. Blow it up with his eyes. Or even just dodge it. Instead, he blocked it. He let it pierce his left hand. Straight in the palm even.  
  
"Don't do that"  
  
He raised his wounded hand and let out a huge ki blast into the air. The towering spiral was a temporary testament to his magnanimous power. The arrow had vanished. Yoshitora blindly attacked. As he drew out his sword, Zam had created a thin pole of light that served as a sword. As he parried Yoshitora's sword, he made it fly into the air. Not discouraged, Yoshitora drew out as many of the six remaining swords left. Zam effortlessly blocked all of them and sent them flying into the air as well. Soon enough, Yoshitora was defenseless. Zam proceeded to pummel him with a number of punches. He ended it with one last uppercut. No one knew how many punches he hurled in the past two seconds. Regardless, Yoshitora's body was crippled. Mina stared in shock at Zam's blinding speed and devastating power. She knew she had to do something. She pulled out another arrow and stretched it upon the string. But it was too late. Zam's eyes suddenly became pupil-less and glowed green. He launched a devastating green energy blast unto Mina, sending her flying into a tree. The resulting impact made the tree's bark explode like shrapnel and made the tree tilt a few degrees. The two lied limp and defeated as he levitated above them. Was this really the end?  
  
"Let me get one thing straight" he said as he triumphantly looked down upon his assailants. "You two are cheap, cheesy and annoying! You can take on the demons of hell and not break a sweat. You make me sick. You make every other noble fighter look bad AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!"  
  
The two braced for the worst from this unjustifiable assault  
  
"I like you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You both got the moves and the grooves. How would you like to work for me?"  
  
"Why would we?"  
  
"You find that working for me has certain advantages. With the missions I give you, you will be able to hone your skills and develop all of your potential. I can make you learn new skills that will greatly aid you in battle! On top of all that, your services will be greatly rewarded. You will find that gold is no object to me. My missions are difficult yes...even fatal. But with each completion of them, the skies shall open up and treasure will rain from the heavens! Plus you get dental benefits."  
  
"After you beat us up?!"  
  
"No way!"  
  
"You might as well kill us both here and now!"  
  
"Did I mention you could have as much sushi as you want?"  
  
That last one got the attention of the two  
  
"As much?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is there...Big Toras?"  
  
"Well, you'll have to make it yourself. But I believe we have toras in the storage. Shame that all of that fish will eventually rot away."  
  
"How about tamagos?"  
  
"Sweet egg? Every other day."  
  
The two looked at each other. Without a moments delay...  
  
"WERE IN!"  
  
"Perfect. And speaking of per... I have one more person to recruit. I will teleport you two to my base. The other four agents will brief you on the rules and regulations. Here we go."  
  
AZARAM MATHEOS ZINTHOS  
  
This particular magic chant cause several trees to glow black and charge towards the two. They barely dodged.  
  
"AAAAHHHH!"  
  
"What in the name of Buddha is wrong with you?!"  
  
"Oops, sorry, wrong incantation."  
  
Time and space, I now will bend...  
  
To this place, this two, I send!  
  
A swirl of light enveloped the two. Soon, they were gone. Zam smiled. Out of nowhere, a searing pain flooded his body. He kneeled down in pain. It was happening. The pain lingered on, growing stronger and stronger. He convulsed in pain. He let out an ear-shattering scream as red mist came out of his body. He fell down, twitching. Knowing his job was not yet done he struggled with his magic.  
  
T-t-t-tiiimme and sp-space, I-I n-now will b-b-bend  
  
T-to th-this place, my-myself I-I send!  
  
He vanished as well  
  
... ... ...  
  
Samael dreamt for this moment for a long, long time. Dreamt was actually an understatement. He coveted for this moment. It seemed too good to be true but he wasn't going to bother and check. This is the one moment that continues to drive his existence. All he has worked for is for this one moment.  
  
He got Sho alone. No body guards, no red tape, no negotiations, no killer assassin, no back up, no tricks, no nothing. It was only him, his fist, and Sho.  
  
"Get ready brother. This ruin will be your GRAVEYARD!"  
  
Sho kept his unnerving cool. Of course, being a being of pure logic, it is a strain to express any other emotion. But he knew that he was in quite a fix. He was a passive guy. He wasn't skilled in combat. He was actually starting to work up a sweat. He didn't like this. Beyond the lawsuits and negotiations he had no way of fighting back. He didn't like beyond what he didn't know. Sho is accustomed to being two steps ahead, not being surprised. He hated to admit it but he was a sitting duck.  
  
"How long I have waited this moment. No one is here to help you now brother. If you are out of the way, no one can stand in mine! I will tear you APART! AAAAHHHHH"  
  
True his younger brother was a barbarian, but he was a good barbarian. His philosophy of 'might is right' actually held true for some occasions. Often time he could outwit his brother. But no amount of wit could help him here. A merchant against a mindless brute, who will win? Fortunately, Sho was not completely helpless. He dodged many of Samael's relentless assaults. He also had some 'tricks' to defend himself. Samael was able to back Sho into a wall. As Samael launched a crushing punch to him, Sho took the blow. He took all of Samael's hits. All he did was back he to the wall. Pretty soon, the building that Sho backed up to crumbled. Sho made another smug smirk as he saw the blood shot eyes of Samael getting more furious. His mouth was starting to foam. Sho was just playing with him. ...  
  
Sho woke up. He found himself where he should be. Not in some deserted ruin while with his insane brother, in his office. He rubbed his temple as he swiveled his chair to face his large window. He turns to the liter bottle of vodka, tosses into the fireplace. Unintentionally, causing massive property damage to property he was planning to pull down anyway. He stood up and took one good long look at HIS city: Infinity City. Of course, no one calls it that anymore. After Sho barged in Babylon Tower, found the guy who was ruling the place at the time, ripped out his heart and threw him out the highest floor, began governing it, imported many fighters, fixed up the crappy town, regulated crime, created something called 'welfare', everyone called it 'Shou Town'.  
  
He was on the highest floor of Babylon Tower. Why did Sho choose this town to be his base of operation? At the time, he was already a successful businessman. He could have easily bought a small island filled with naked women. Why did he choose Infinity City?  
  
The answer was simple actually. He didn't wasn't to go through all that red tape of running for mayor and campaigning. Sho was never a big fan of democracy. He needed a place that was ruled by gangs. That way, he could take over the place faster than Bill Gates could make ten thousand dollars, which is roughly ten seconds. Plus, he wouldn't have to pay a cent! There was one more reason. Infinity City was wired. There were more wires in that place than tentacles in ADV hell. He could put up a video cam in every corner, every household, and every bathroom. Why would he want to do this? Other that using it to gather blackmail-able footage of everyone in town, there was one other reason...  
  
He has a dream. It is simple dream. He wanted to create the greatest hentai movie ever made. He wanted to create a movie where the sex scenes were so good, that you get a hard on EVERY TIME YOU WATCH IT. He wanted to rally forth and bring together all the fetishes you could think off in one glorious movie so that it would cater to EVERYONE. He wanted to cover EVERY page of the Kama Sutra. But he didn't want just a sex video. He had already seen too much of that. He wanted to make a hentai WITH A PLOT. A story so great, that you would be both awed and turned on at the same time. A story that would meet the standards of the New York book review. A story so great, it would revolutionize the anime and porn industries. Set new standards. Expand the two worlds. Teach new ways to dream. Ah... The American Dream. Wait, no American could possibly fathom a plot of such a grand scale. This was the Sho Tsuzuku Dream.  
  
Alas, this dream was far from his goal. Sho couldn't find a story that could meet the standards of his dream. He couldn't just buy that dream. Noooooo, those three stupid (but ultra-fckable) goddesses had to say 'There are some things that money can't buy. Your dream is one of them. You have to work hard to achieve it.'  
  
Something disturbed Sho's daydreaming. It was a door knocking. Sho beckoned whoever broke his trail of thought to enter. It was one of his secretaries: Mature. If it had been anyone else, he would have tore out his spine and break his head to the wall. Mature was carrying a tray with some coffee.  
  
"Oh good, you are awake master." she replied in her sultry voice. "You had Vice worried when you collapsed"  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"Hehe. Remembering on how medicine doesn't affect you anymore, I brought you some coffee. I know that this is some kind of panacea for you so I thought this would cure whatever ailment you have."  
  
"Thank you Mature. Is it black?"  
  
"Black as your soul master. Just the way you like it."  
  
"Hmph. Thank you, Mature. Just place it on the table."  
  
She did. "You know master, you were just probably tired. You should take a break. You have been working real late lately."  
  
"I'll first make my next billion. Then I'll probably retire."  
  
"As you wish sir."  
  
...  
  
Tyr De Luna, third member of the hexagon, dedicated assassin/ninja/house boy of Sho Tsuzuku, walked down the streets of Shou Town. He was pretty tired and needed a drink badly. He had come back from another of Sho's mission whose high fatality probability that made him question if Sho really believed in his skills or wanted him dead. What did he have to do? Fight a Metal Slug boss, beat up a zombie army with a couple of tooth picks, hack into Microsoft, kill a couple of SWAT teams, infiltrate an enemy base on the moon, steal some paintings off the Illuminati headquarters, unhinge Gendo's hands, consume several Sloppy Joes, go to Church, the usual stuff Sho asked him to do.  
  
He really needed a drink. He was well paid for his efforts and now he was going to relax. Man the stress of being a highly paid assassin/agent was starting to get to him. His white spikes were starting to sag, his SEGA black ops uniform was getting stained and he was developing arthritis, which would be fully developed by the time Christmas came. He stared down the streets. Here were some of the sites he saw on his way to his favorite bar:  
  
Yomiko Readman was late for her class at Sho U. So she was BRISKLY walking down the lane. She was still reading a book and that eventually led to her tripping over a fire hydrant.  
  
Amano Ginji was on his way to his job at the electric company. One of the main generators was busted and he needed to report in early. He dreaded not choosing to just do overtime because Kurodo Akabane, aka Dr. Jackal, was also on his way to his job as a chef at the Flying Dragon restaurant, a restaurant owned by the great, great, great, great, great, great, great great, great, great, great, great, descendant of Liu Mao Tsing. Kurodo was going his way so he decided to walk a few steps behind Ginji, making it look like he was stalking him. Ginji was not too comfortable with this though.  
  
Blue Mary was writing a ticket for speeding for M. Bison, who had become Sho's lap dog ever since he bankrupted Shadow-Law. M. Bison was threatening to kill Blue Mary with his psycho power, for that he got another ticket.  
  
Shingo was busy repairing the building that was destroyed by another robot attack on the city. That robot reduced that 20-storey building to ruble. It took Shingo and his cleaning crew team 45.62 minutes to repair it. Sho's cleaning crews is one of the best in existence. They can repair any damage in a matter of minutes. So, even though there are grandiose battles of epic proportions held every other hour that leaves buildings ruined, the town always looks brand new. Even though the cleaning crews are overworked, they earn more than most CEOs in America.  
  
Sakura was hauling new computers for Makubex. The recent sudden expansion of Shou Town made some of the new places a blind spot for Makubex. He has been working night and day to wire these new places, feeling uncomfortable since there are places that aren't under his watchful eye. He actually needed more stuff to accommodate the ever-expanding Infinity City.  
  
These were only some of the sites that Tyr passed by. How did all of these characters come to this one spot? Black mailing, bankruptcy, better job offers, JOB offers (for those wandering vagrants), promise of challenge, loan sharking, Sho has his ways of bringing people together.  
  
There was one other site of particular interest. Wolfgang Krauser was smoking. Well, after what Sho did to him, it was understandable why he started this habit.  
  
...  
  
Flashback to a few months back. Sho had gone into a casino. Because of his power of convenience...  
  
"So I...own the casino now? Okay. Hmm... I don't have much time to run a casino...I know!"  
  
He flips up his cell phone and brings up the name 'idiot that can't do anything except play the damn organ' and called.  
  
"Hello Krauser?"  
  
"Yez zir?"  
  
"Ever run a casino before?"  
  
"Um...no, zir"  
  
"Good! Cause now, you are managing one!"  
  
"Vhat!?"  
  
...  
  
Krauser, being clueless about running a business, is trying all-his best not to keep the casino from going under. This kept him up late with paperwork.  
  
Tyr went inside his favorite bar. Tyr sat down of the barstool and waited. The house band was playing. Man, Iori really needed to work on his voice. Then the bartender came to him.  
  
"Hey Tyr! Your back! The usual?"  
  
"Yeah. Thanks Terry."  
  
Bogard pulled out Tyr's favorite drink. Ice cold l33t b33r. As he took his time drinking, he remembered how He became to be Sho's agent. It was kind of funny actually.  
  
...  
  
Flashback a few months ago. Tyr De Luna, member of SEGA black ops was on one of his missions. He was to retrieve the blue prints of the PS3 unit. The escort was driving along a desolate, forested highway. A heavy armored truck and three convoys guarded it. The first was in front of it. The other two were behind it. He was alone. The odds looked high. They didn't stand a chance. From the trees he made his move.  
  
With a shot from his Mauser rifle, he blew out the tires of the second one, making it careen out of control and smashed into the third car. The explosion killed everyone inside. This made the armored truck and the first convoy stop. Four people came out of the first car and two guards came out the truck. He took out one of the guys with another shot. This made the other three pull out semi-automatics and the guards drew out pistols. By the time they drew out their guns, he had already loaded another bullet and took out another gunman. While he was loading, he tree-hopped to get closer. With the last shot in his clip, he embedded another bullet into the third gunman. He jumped high, how high? Think Project Justice. And landed in front of the last sub-machine gunner. Unfortunately for him, his Ingram ran out of bullets. Tyr used the rifle butt to disarm him, the barrel to make him lunch forward, and the bayonet to take him out.  
  
As for the two guards, they pulled out tasers. Tyr smirked and put back his Mauser and shifted into his kickboxing stance. As one lunged forward to hit him, forward, Tyr, punch-kicked his knee, breaking it, making him kneel. With a powerful mountain kick, he took him out. As for the last one, he tried to swing the taser overhead. Tyr just caught his hand, twisted it, and broke it. As the guy screamed in pain, Tyr did one last haymaker to take him out.  
  
As he brushed off the dust from his uniform, he heard someone clapping at his back. This surprised him since his senses were so attuned that he could detect all life forms within a five-mile radius. As he turned, he saw a man in a suit giving him applause. He then approached him.  
  
"Tyr De Luna."  
  
"Sho Tsuzuku."  
  
"I have been...observing you. One of the best agents I have ever seen, I must say. How would you like to work for me? I can offer you triple of what SEGA is offering you."  
  
Tyr remembered the reason why he joined SEGA Black Ops. It was because of his third weapon, the one wrapped in the cloth. That was the clincher.  
  
"Sorry, I already have an employer."  
  
Sho smiled  
  
"I am sure you have your reasons for staying with them. So I wont bother trying to convince you. Too much work anyway. I have a faster and easier way of 'influencing' you to my side."  
  
Sho pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a few numbers and waited. When the line picked up, he only said two words.  
  
"Buy Sega."  
  
Then he hung up. He stared at Tyr for a while. A wind blew. A crow crowed. Tumbleweed passed by. Twelve seconds later...  
  
RING  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Sega has sold all of their stocks and bonds to us."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Good news sir! So has Nintendo!"  
  
"Very good. Merge them so that I only have to remember one name. Called it uh... I don't know... Tensaiga or something."  
  
He hung up and returned to his tare down with Tyr.  
  
"So. I guess your working for me now."  
  
"I guess I am."  
  
"I must warn you. I can be a cruel taskmaster. Are you sure you want to continue your job?" He said with a cruel, underestimating glare.  
  
"Yeah. Why not?"  
  
"Very well then." He said as he extended his hand. "Welcome to my world Mr. De Luna."  
  
...  
  
Tyr was taking his sweet time with his l33t b33r, when a handsome man came in the bar. He had long flowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He looked like a generic pretty boy bishounen. Still, it made all the heads of the chicks and gays in the bar turn. He took a seat next to Tyr.  
  
"Long time no see De Luna."  
  
"Hello... Friend... How are you...? Friend."  
  
"I'm fine. So tell me. What have you been up to?"  
  
"Killing giant robot monsters. Assassinating influential people. Destroying and destabilizing governments. The usual. What are you doing here anyway?"  
  
"Sho hired me to oversee the creation of his army."  
  
"I'm amazed on how he thought you could do his job."  
  
"For your information, I am highly skilled and well-educated in the creation of robot armies. Plus I was conveniently beside him on a bus."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Speaking of which, I had better get going."  
  
"One thing."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why did you take off the Barney outfit?"  
  
"I was afraid you would shoot me for no good reason again."  
  
"Don't worry. I sold all my guns to get this Mauser. And their bullets don't exactly grow on trees. I wouldn't waste one on a punk like you."  
  
"Okay... well, I guess I'll see you."  
  
"Bye, Aevhatshu."  
  
"It's pronounced E-patsu."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"You know De Luna, you remind me of Akuma. You probably spend so much time training you have lost all your communications skills."  
  
"You know, one won't hurt..."  
  
By that time, E-vatsu was gone.  
  
...  
  
Zam strolled down some enchanted forest. Was he lost? Was he looking for something? Or did he wasn't to be found? Then he felt something. Something was purring in the trees and moving like a ninja. It was like some...purring ninja was hiding in the trees. Zam smiled.  
  
"Come out, knave."  
  
His adversary revealed himself. He jumped from the trees and did some acrobatics before landing. His feathered hat hided his face. Then with a sleazy, Latino accent, he spoke.  
  
"Pray for mercy from..."  
  
His he raised his hat and drew out his sword.  
  
"PUSS...in boots!"  
  
The small cat's boots sparkled.  
  
"So...you are the one who sent me this note eh?"  
  
"That is right Puss. I do hope your skills have not dulled, especially after you became a pampered pussy cat."  
  
Puss stayed in the castle for a while. After Fiona and Shrek returned to their swamp, he returned to his life as a hit man, seeing that a regal life was not for him.  
  
"I assure you sir, my skills have not waned."  
  
Zam used arrow mail to give Puss a challenge letter. Should he win, Puss would have to join his case. Should Puss win, Zam would grant him any ONE wish.  
  
"Are you serious in telling me that you have the power to grant a wish?"  
  
"Quite sure. Do you doubt me? Very well then. Here is a taste..."  
  
Zam raised his hand. Soon, the sky darkened.  
  
"It is not in your nature to fly...  
  
Creatures of the sea fall from the sky!"  
  
At his word, anchovies fell from the sky. Puss was awed at the incredible sight. His furry paws snatched one out of the air and ate one. It was real. Surely this man could grant him any wish he desired. The fish rain ceased. Puss began curling his whiskers.  
  
"Have I convinced you?"  
  
"Haha! You have my friend. Now, have at you!"  
  
"Assist me now in this caper,  
  
Come on out, my trusty rapier!"  
  
Swirls of energy circled in Zam's hand. As he finished his incantation, the energy converged, creating a rapier.  
  
"En garde, mon ami"  
  
The two clashed in an epic battle. Both of them were surprisingly mobile. As sword clashing did not work, the two set to the trees. Their battle was part Zorro, part ninja. They would engage in the fencing swordplay, but they were balancing themselves on a tree branch.  
  
Sparks flew as their swords clashed. They stared each other down as they endlessly parried each other. Indeed they were equal when in came to swordplay. Their acrobatics added more flair to their battle. Soon they were both exhausted.  
  
"You have fought well, my friend." Puss said as he lowered his hat. "But I am afraid that I must end this..."  
  
Zam was taken back. He knew that stance. Indeed, he would lose if his technique succeeded. There was only one way to defend against it. It was the same way he defended against Mido Ban's Jagan. He quickly pulled out something from his back.  
  
Puss lowered his hat. His bright orange fur, wide eyes, small mouth, snug boots, little hat, upright position could make the biggest, coldest bastards scream "KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"  
  
Unfortunately for Puss, Zam had already used his Jagan defense. He had a mirror shielding his face. He saw with his own big pupils on how cute he was. After Zam stopped looking for a while, he opened one of his eyes. Puss was entranced by his own cuteness. Seeing this as an opportunity, he kicked the poor cat with all his might.  
  
The impact of Puss' flight had the same effect of Mina's flight, hit tree, shrapnel bark flies, fall down. The impact made Puss hiss with the last of his strength. Puss was defeated.  
  
"Well then Puss, will you honor your promise?"  
  
"Wh-What exactly... will you... be asking... o-of me?"  
  
"I just need skilled warriors to fight for me. Now shall we get going?"  
  
"No." He said defiantly as he tried to get up. "I will not serve you. You are suspicious and I do not fight for any kind of dishonorable end. You might as well kill me here!"  
  
"My intentions are purely noble, I assure you that cat." Zam said annoyed. "If you work for me, you will face the greatest adversaries you will meet in your lifetime! Your swordsmanship will achieve new level! I will even supply you with the most amazing blades and treasure will not become a thing for you! I will make you sick with all the gold you see!"  
  
"A tempting offer, but no." said Puss as he got up and brushed himself off with his hat.  
  
"Plus you will be surrounded be scantily clad women."  
  
"Lets go, boss!"  
  
...  
  
As Zam returned to his base with Puss, a woman with long black hair in a blue dress greeted them.  
  
"Ah! Zam-san! Welcome back!"  
  
"Hibya! What are you doing here?"  
  
"I heard about your ordeal. Things have been pretty dull at the apartment so I'd like to help you out."  
  
"Great! I haven't had the time to recruit a computer genius! The computer lab is over there. Um, sorry for the mess. I have all the latest equipment but I haven't had much use for it."  
  
"Were you only using it to surf for porn again?"  
  
"...maybe."  
  
"Oh dear, you never change Zam-san. Don't worry, I'll clean it up as well."  
  
"Thanks Hibya."  
  
The quiet housewife/scientist scurried off. Zam noticed that Puss was looking at him with a suspicious arch in his eyebrow.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Shall we...go see the rest of your scantily-clad women?"  
  
"Very well you sleazy cat. Lets go."  
  
Subchapter 2 ends  
  
Preview of next chapter: Bonjour mina-san! Now that snow boarding season is over, we can go back to buccaneering! Hehe, this time we are robbing this bank! Hmph, so Bridget, you dare stand in my way again? Haha! What? Where did you learn judo?! Next time on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Try an try until you finally rob a bank! Jam, wait for me... 


	9. Chapter 6: Try and try

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske  
  
A Guilty Gear Fan fiction by: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: Guilty Gear, Ky Kiske and all related trademarks are property of Sammy. Many of the characters mentioned in this story are property of Enix, SNK, Tecmo, etc. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
Chapter 6: Try and Try Until you Finally Rob a Bank!  
  
...  
  
...  
  
How are things progressing?  
  
Quite well sir. The plan is at 68% completion  
  
We have almost drained Zam's godlike, arcane powers.  
  
It is only a matter of time until he has been completely depleted.  
  
Then he will be no more to us than canon fodder.  
  
Well, well, isn't that ironic?  
  
Indeed. We noticed it as well.  
  
What of those people by his side? He seems to be calling up quite a cast. Does he suspect us in anyway?  
  
They are of no threat. He seems to be collecting a harem.  
  
It would seem so. There are only around four non-females in his headquarters.  
  
If he really knew of our intent, he would have stopped his story and concentrating on opposing us.  
  
But he is aware of our presence, this we can be sure. His metaphysical link to his world has left him physically bound to it.  
  
For everything that goes awry in his universe that was not his doing, he feels as pain. He has been convulsing quite a lot lately.  
  
Yet he does nothing.  
  
Quite puzzling.  
  
He must probably think the "threat" is a mere anomaly in his system.  
  
Nonetheless, it is working to our advantage.  
  
Yes. No distractions. We are able to focus all of our energies on the operation.  
  
Why don't we kill him now? While he is preoccupied?  
  
No, this is his universe and his rules. We have to make sure that our success rate is over 90%.  
  
Speaking of which, how is our "insurance"?  
  
We have almost unsealed all of the C.F. seals.  
  
Who would have thought that Zam's story would work to our advantage? If Ky had never defeated that gear dragon, we never would have been able to unseal the third.  
  
Or if Bridget didn't destroy the whole town, we would have never discovered about the CF units.  
  
It is so convenient. It would seem that Zam sealed them for us to use. Did you have a hand in this, perchance?  
  
No. I did not. It would seem that we are just extremely lucky.  
  
Lucky? How is that possible?  
  
There are forces that are above us. It would seem that they favor us.  
  
Well, as long as the do not pose a threat.  
  
Don't worry, they DON'T.  
  
Wait, didn't we manipulate Zam's story so that his characters would play to our advantage?  
  
Why, yes we did.  
  
So we weren't lucky. You were playing us.  
  
Yes I was.  
  
You fucker.  
  
What will we do after we get a foothold on this universe?  
  
We will use it as a base of operations for the rest of the author universes.  
  
The success of this operation will herald the outcome of the rest of our campaigns.  
  
So. All goes according to plan. Finally, after all this time, the HEXAGON will fall.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
There is some event at a certain English castle. The Black Cadillac has just returned and stopped in front of it. Four figures came out of it and started up at the majestic castle.  
  
This castle is Zam's base of operations. It was once known as "Chillingham Castle", one of the most haunted places in the world. It has borne witness to some of the most horrible tragedies ever known to mankind. These tragedies have left a permanent mark on the house. The victims and cruel men now wander their halls eternally.  
  
Now, Zam and his agents live happily in it. How did he exorcise all those ghosts, where as even the insane priest Alexander Anderson fears to tread? Simple, he made a pact with Jedah, dark lord of the demon world. He brought the WHOLE castle to Makai and let Jedah extract all the poor, tormented souls in it for his own use. Both happy, they both went on their way.  
  
Anyway, it seems that Zam has completed all of his "agents". The last four were the last people Zam would gather to his little...base of operations. Ivy was up at the castle doors to greet them. The two in the front seat got out first.  
  
"Hey Ivy! Good to see you again! I think..." The blonde man with the face prints exclaimed with a mixed sense of joy and fear as he glared at Ivy's conniving stare once more.  
  
"Indeed, despite our...scuffles, we still fought by this man's side. It would seem that we are all here to honor the blood pact we made with him." The other blonde said in his dignified voice.  
  
"Good to see you again. Zell. Raphael."  
  
The impatient martial-arts fanatic and the rapier-using tango dancer got up to shake Ivy's hand.  
  
It would seem that Zam has a thing for blondes. The third member had a bleachy blonde hair. She was of some obvious youth. But the grime and muck on her face made her older beyond her years. You could say by the blank expression on her façade that she has been through a lot.  
  
She approached Ivy. The two looked intently at each other. Then they did the secret "we have issues with our father hand shake." Afterwards the two laughed and embraced each other.  
  
"Ivy!"  
  
"Heather! How have you been! Been anywhere fun lately? Amusement parks? Lake sides?"  
  
"Hey! That's not funny!"  
  
"It is to me girlfriend!"  
  
"You have a sick sense of humor!"  
  
"So do you!"  
  
The two laughed hysterically. Raphael's and Zell's knowledge of women went down the drain with this display of affection.  
  
"Fuck. I never thought that I would ever have to see you again bitch."  
  
The last person came out of the black Cadillac. The woman in green with glasses glared at the woman in the bondage armor. The two white haired femme fatales stared at each other so intently you could start a forest fire with the sparks that flew.  
  
"Isabella Valentine"  
  
"Lobelia Carlini."  
  
"What happened? I thought you were off getting raped by demons in some dimension."  
  
"Please. You are just jealous. No matter how sexy you danced in your little harem performance, I was still the one who snagged him."  
  
"And got dumped by him!"  
  
What?! Why you..."  
  
Ivy released her whip. Lobelia let her chain flow out of her arm. The two engaged in a furious whip battle. It would have been a dominatrix fetishes' dream come true. Their intensity was similar to Kurama when he fought the fisherman. But these two had more tricks up their sleeves. Their weapons were locked with each other. They continued staring each other down. With a smirk, Ivy let her blades fly. They cut the air as they chased down Lobelia. After Lobelia got angry, she turned back, faced the blades and did a flame barrier, making the blades fall limp on the floor. Seizing this opportunity, she rushed to Ivy and let out a haymaker. Ivy blocked in time, but the force cracked her bracers and her armor and sent her flying a few paces.  
  
The two were ready to strangle each other, when something came crashing down in them. The explosion made it looks like a missile hit. When the smoked cleared, the two saw the center of impact. The thing that caused all that rampant destruction was...a muffin?  
  
"Stop it you two!"  
  
The two looked up. It was Hibya, leaning from one of the windows. He was carrying MIR, whose head was opened up, like a canon.  
  
"I GOT MUFFINS IN MY HEAD!"  
  
"Something has happened to Zam! Come quick!"  
  
With that, the five forgot everything and rushed in the castle.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Ky did not have a good nights rest. How could he? He was still in his snow boarding outfit. But he didn't mind. After all, he did win the tourney and se Sol get so angry that he melted half of the snow on the slopes. His trophy shined majestically on the shelf, while his snowboard lay on the ground.  
  
Stripping his outfit, he got into his pirate's uniform and headed to the bridge.  
  
"Well, back to work!"  
  
...  
  
Along a familiar island, a familiar aircraft carrying a familiar robot approached.  
  
"Okay! This time, no foul ups! We get in, grab the gold and get out, like we ORIGINALLY PLANED!"  
  
"Yes sir, Klyde sir!"  
  
The aircraft swooped down and the FRB let go of the ship. It laded with a great thud in front of the...  
  
"Huh?"  
  
The building in front of them had a logo of a dog in a doctor's cap.  
  
"Isn't this the animal hospital?"  
  
"Whoops! Sorry..."  
  
"Grr. Not again!" Ky said with an uncharacteristic impatience. "Forget it! We are walking to the bank!"  
  
The five began walking to the next island. Of course, they still raided a couple of houses, people, dogs and police cars for some pocket money. Along the way, several police cars and policemen came to stop them. This resulted in them losing their wheels, mirrors, motor, siren, riot shields, helmets, magic rods and radios. Eventually, Klyde blew them all up with his FRB. They even passed by a restaurant. Taser targeting them made the girls turn up some...curry? Well, according to April, curry was still considered a delicacy in India and is quite valuable and could be profited from.  
  
Eventually, the crew got into the next town. Too late. The police had formed semi-circle barrier to stop Klyde from reaching the bank. They had called in a special task force. Klyde recognized them. They were part of another anti-gear faction, different to the Holy Knights. They must have been disbanded and given less exciting roles when Justice's rebirth was stopped. Ky knew that they were in trouble because knew that team's motto.  
  
Chaos Corp. If it is a rampaging gear, shoot it If it isn't a gear, shoot it anyway!  
  
The cops open fired on them. Klyde ducked into the nearest building for shelter. But they were shooting like there was no tomorrow. The small building that they were hiding in would soon crumble. To his great fortune, Klyde found a car. He lifted it and waited. As the building crumbled down, he threw the car, causing some of the cars to blow up. He ordered the girls to go into the bank and start robbing people, so that they would be away from the crossfire. Klyde ran around, shooting people, throwing stuff and caused squad cars to tip over. Eventually, he was able to neutralize the police force. The girls came out with buckets of chicken full of cash.  
  
"Good work. Now lets get that gold."  
  
Just then, a small police scooter came up the way they came. It was Bridget again. It seems he had gotten a scooter now.  
  
"You there! In the robot! Come out with your hands up!"  
  
"Hey! It's you again. I see you made it on time this time. Did you get a new alarm clock?"  
  
"Ooh! Stop making fun of me! I'll show you! I've been practicing with special simulators just for this!"  
  
With that, the battle started. Bridget used his exploding teddy bears again. Remembering the cotton shrapnel that he received from the last time he used that deadly weapon, he dodged them. He was still trying to get the cotton shrapnel off his ass after all. But as he ran around, he was charging up the gun arm. When Bridget took a breather, he unleashed the charged lightning ball at him.  
  
KZAT  
  
AAAH!  
  
Bridget took the direct hit of the shot. Klyde stopped for a while. Man I thought he would be better, he thought. He was expecting Bridget to learn from the first battle and learn new techniques and weapons to use against him. If he didn't learn, it was a good thing he never invited him to the Holy Knights. Unfortunately, Klyde's day dreaming bore a terrible price. Bridget recovered quickly. With veins popping out of his head, he rushed the FRB. He grabbed the gun-arm This surprised everyone. What surprised everyone (and hurt them even more) was that after a few tugs, Bridget was able to FLIP the FRB over! This caused some massive damage to the FRB, Klyde and the May Ship crew members who were hit by it.  
  
"Haha! Told you I got stronger."  
  
"Klyde! What are we going to do?"  
  
"Argh. Don't worry, I have a plan."  
  
While Bridget was still laughing, Klyde taser targeted him.  
  
"GO GIRLS!"  
  
The girls, driven by some mysterious force of the target, rushed to Bridget.  
  
"YAH!"  
  
"What?"  
  
The girls tackled Bridget and proceeded to kick him. After they were done, they returned to Klyde's side.  
  
"Ow owowowoowoowowo owow. Why?"  
  
Bridget got up and rushed the FRB. No doubt planning to flip him again. Before he could, Klyde ran to the nearest, not destroyed buildings and made a jump. The FRB surprisingly made it. As Klyde got up, he stared down at Bridget.  
  
"Haha! Cant get us now can you, little girl?"  
  
"I'M A BOY!"  
  
"I KNOW!"  
  
"GRRRR!"  
  
In a fit of rage, Bridget got the nearest tree, uprooted it, and threw it at Klyde.  
  
"Sweet baby Sirach!"  
  
SMACK  
  
The FRB fell from the building.  
  
CRASH  
  
The circuits were barely working and so was the driver.  
  
"Klyde!"  
  
The four girls rushed to his side.  
  
"Klyde! You alright?"  
  
"Ready to give up yet?"  
  
Bridget asked as he got around the building.  
  
"Girls...we have...to ... use the...special attack..."  
  
Klyde said as he struggled to get the FRB up.  
  
"All right Klyde."  
  
"On my mark..."  
  
"You are all going DOWN...TOWN with me now!"  
  
"Ready..."  
  
Bridget ran towards the FRB to land the killing...well...throw."  
  
"Steady..."  
  
"AAAAAAHHH!"  
  
"Easy..."  
  
"GRRRRR!"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"The girls leaped into the air and stayed there. Three did a Charlie's Angel pose. The other one did Trinitys."  
  
"May Crew Ougi: Pan dimension Power!"  
  
The four let out a barrage of hammers at Bridget. They fell like RAIN on his poor girl-boy ass.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
  
SMACK WHACK POW WHAPACK WHAPOW SHEBOGAN CRACK BONE BREAK FORCE IMAGINABLE PAIN POWEE OUCHIE MACARENA (INSERT ONOMATOPOEIA) (CRAPPY '70s BATMAN SOUND EFFECT/ SUNBURST)  
  
While all this was happening, Klyde pulled out a guitar.  
  
"Movin' to Nerima Gonna throw a lot a mallets Movin' to Nerima Gonna throw a lot of mallets  
  
Millions of mallets Mallets for me Millions of mallets Mallets for free  
  
Millions of mallets Mallets for me Millions of mallets Mallets for free"  
  
Bridget had endured more in the past 20 minutes than any anime character should ever be forced to endure. His bones were cracked. His face was wrecked. His teeth had fallen out. His blood had evaporated. His skull was dust. His organs were pillows. His limbs bent in an angel they weren't supposed to. His tendons were ripped. He was barely alive. Barely visible. He was so freakish that the makers of rotten.com would have vomit.  
  
Given the choice, if people would want to see Bridget right now or Hanagata, the gay guy from Saber Marionette, naked, many would have chosen the naked Hanagata.  
  
Meanwhile, the May crew threw bombs with their personal logo on the bank. It exploded, leaving nothing but the safe. One of the girls clutched tightly to the knob and turned clockwise  
  
CLICK  
  
Counter clockwise  
  
CLICK  
  
Clockwise  
  
CLICK  
  
It opened. The lower part of the huge safe kept dozens of precious gold bars.  
  
"Klyde! We did it!"  
  
"Wow! Look at all of those gold bars! Grab em all girls!"  
  
"Roger!"  
  
"This is the Mayship, we are coming to pick you up!"  
  
"Thanks Jan!"  
  
Klyde faced the dead Bridget. All he could do was gurgle at his own blood  
  
Glgllglgllggl ( sniff sniff)  
  
"Jesus Christ our Saviour you're a mess. Are you really an officer? Maybe you should consider a new line of work."  
  
Glgglglgllglgllg (Maybe your right. I try and I try but I can never do things right)  
  
"Man body and spirit, you have quite a problem there. But I have my own problems too. I cant do anything but deal with them. See ya!"  
  
Klyde and the May crew ran off  
  
Glglg (Maybe he's right. I shouldn't give up. If I cant stick to a job, what other chance do I have? But it will take a miracle)  
  
Glglglgllllglgllglglllglggglglggllglgllglgllgllglgllglglgllglgg (not to get me fired now)  
  
...  
  
Konichiwa mina-san! Its me KY! I finally got enough money to get Jam out of prison! Ooooooohhhh! Just you wait Mistierjerk! I am going to lay the divine hammer of intervention on you! Next time on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Klyde's career! Jam, wait for me.  
  
...  
  
Easter Egg!  
  
...  
  
Space  
  
The final frontier  
  
Also the crapiest frontier  
  
I mean look at it  
  
There is nothing interesting in it  
  
Except when a star explodes  
  
Taking a few planets with it  
  
Hehe  
  
That's cool  
  
This is our mission  
  
To boldly go where OTHER MEN have gone before  
  
As long as it's clean and there's something to do.  
  
And we aren't forced to do anything goody-goody.  
  
Welcome to the U.P.P Vengance  
  
Star Trekker: Deep Space Jackass, The Next Generation of Idiots  
  
...  
  
...  
  
We join Captain Plave staring out one of the suveilance windows. The science officer Sho Tsuzuku, who seems to be exsasperated, accompanies him.  
  
"Well Captain, I must say. Amongst all of the stupid, hair-brained, near death situations you have gotten us all in, this has got to be the worst yet."  
  
The two stared at one of the windows. They knew they were in some trouble. How? For one, they were no stars.  
  
"Remind me again how you got us into the delta quadrant?"  
  
"Hey, we needed to escape from the Borscht! We didn't have enough steel chairs and fruitcakes! So I warped us out of there!"  
  
"Correction. You max warped us. Look where it got us!"  
  
"Its not like I had a choice!"  
  
"You would if you put some speed control between max warp and ramming speed. But no! If we aren't in hyperspace or running so fast we could destroy the Enterprise, we are in a dead stop!"  
  
"Anyway, lets make the most of out situation here. Lalala."  
  
Sho slapped himself on the forehead. There was only one thought keeping him alive. His unnatural tri-yearly mating season, where he goes into a berserker frenzy. For that, he would go through a black hole in his underpants.  
  
"Captain." Exclaimed one of the bridge officers. "We detect a star ship headed our way. It's the Voyager!"  
  
Captain Plave stared in awe.  
  
"Wow. The Voyager. One of the most advanced ships of our time. Its crew must be the best in the cosmos. Their equipment must ROCK compared to ours. Establish a communication link."  
  
S.O. Sho stared in disbelief. That was probably the first logical thing the captain has done since...well that was the first logical thing he has ever done.  
  
"But first." Capt. Plave said with a conniving look in his eyes. "Arm the crew."  
  
...  
  
"Greetings Captain Plave of the UPP Vengance! I am the captain of the Voyager."  
  
"Greetings and Salutations as well!"  
  
"We are very happy to find another ship out here. Together, we may be able to find a way out of the delta quadrant. Permission to beam aboard!"  
  
"Um, unfortunately, our...teleport thingy is um...sick. Yeah. Sick. Maybe we can just create a bridge between out two ships!"  
  
"A splendid idea captain!"  
  
The UPP Vengance was able to create a manual bridge between the two ships. The crew of the Voyager was eager to welcome the crew of the Vengance, having no human contact whatsoever. They all waited in eager anticipation. When the air lock opened, they saw almost all of the crewmembers. But they seemed to be hiding something behind their back. The one in front was the Security Officer Taka Ichiko. He pulled out a steel chair. Soon, everyone else did.  
  
"Raid the Voyager!"  
  
With that command, the whole crew of the Vengeance charged. They used their steel chairs to knock anyone out of the way. Chaos and rampage ensued in the poor ship. Everyone was smacked down and everything that was of value was stolen. The whole crew was making several trips back to the Vengeance to unload their booty then charged back into the voyager, hitting anyone who was up or down with the chairs.  
  
One of the crew members of the voyager tried a daring move. When most of the crew was back at the Vengance, he made a mad dash for the Air Lock switch. But he didn't make it. Someone did the Vulcan death grip on him. Actually, he would have been lucky if it was just the Vulcan death grip. But he wasn't. It was the death grip done by Sho Tsuzuku.  
  
"We wont be having any of that."  
  
At first, nothing happened. Then his head swelled up to massive proportions and he blew up in a bloody gore.  
  
"Vulcan-Shinken has no equal."  
  
...  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ship, Captain Plave approached Mister Gigabyte, the android officer.  
  
"Officer Gigabyte."  
  
"Yes captain?"  
  
"I would like you to lead the next wave of marauders. Please turn on your personality chip and set it to "angry mob member."  
  
Officer Gigabyte complied. He twitched his head. Soon, he wore a bandana and shades. He then got a 2x2 plywood out of nowhere.  
  
"Power to the people!"  
  
He charged down the bridge along with most of the crew.  
  
The holographic doctor approached Captain Plave.  
  
"Captain! What is the point of this raid? Whatever we want, the computer can provide for us!"  
  
Plave laughed  
  
"Why have everything when we can have...MORE?!"  
  
"Captain, that makes no sense."  
  
"Somebody put another ADV CD at the doctor's motherboard!"  
  
"What! No! Please not that again! Not Twin Angels! No! So much tentacles!"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
The raid was successful. They had taken everything of value on the ship. The only thing they didn't take was the engine. Oh wait; Chief Engineer Zam somehow was able to bring their engine onboard, so they pretty much took everything. Now it was time for them to go on another hair-brained adventure.  
  
Captain Plave turned to the guy at the helm wearing a Barney outfit  
  
"Mister Purple, begin preparations for warp speed max!"  
  
"Preparing for max warp."  
  
"Mister Gigabyte, how are the preliminary warp sequences?"  
  
"Preliminary warp sequences...all green!"  
  
"Mister Sho, is our coordinates set?"  
  
"You mean where ever forward goes? Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Mister Taka, how is the situation at the frontline?"  
  
"The bridge has been retract and the loot has been secured."  
  
"Mister Zam, status report!"  
  
"Its rrrreally crrrrramped in 'ere! And the ennnnnngines are gonna blow cap'n!"  
  
"Mister Sheo, are you still horny?"  
  
"dripping with wetness..."  
  
"Preparations for max warp complete!"  
  
We see the UPP Vengeance in all its crappy glory.  
  
Not wanting to say something that gay captain Picard said, Plave said something else  
  
"Lets GO!"  
  
One of the engines explode.  
  
"Cap'n! She can take nomore! She gonna blow!"  
  
"Oh fine. Engage."  
  
The star ship warped away. On another stupid adventure.  
  
Captain's Log: It is made from the pine trees of Canada. It is 3 feet long and has a radius of 6 cm. It is medium brown with a hint of mocha. There are a lot of rings in the circular parts. According to them the tree is...really old. The bark has already been petrified. The captain uses it as a paperweight for all the paperwork he wants to forget.  
  
"Captain, who are you talking to?"  
  
"You, you miserable Vulcan-like thingy. Aren't you writing this down?"  
  
Sho sighed as he got into one of the workstations. 


	10. Chapter 7: Klyde's Career

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske A Guilty Gear Fan Fiction by: Invader-Zam4  
  
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear trademarks are property of Sammy. Their respective artists own the songs in this story. Please don't sue me I don't have any money.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Chapter 7: Klyde's Career  
  
...  
  
ChillingZam castle.  
  
All twelve of Zam's agents waited in great anxiety outside one of the castle's grandest rooms. With each second that drove by, one of them would beat another cold sweat. They were all greatly worried. Well, most of them anyway. MIR was dancing like an idiot.  
  
For a few hours, the castle returned to its usual nature. Cold. Silent. Defeaning. Empty. With the exception of MIR running around the halls.  
  
Finally Hibya limped out of the door. Her blue apron was stained with blood. Everyone crowded her with great anticipation.  
  
"How is he?" frantically asked Ivy  
  
"Will he be alright?" asked an equally worried Lobelia  
  
"Do we still have a job?"  
  
"YOSHITORA!"  
  
"Just asking..."  
  
"What does he need?"  
  
"Beer?"  
  
"Cigarettes?"  
  
"I could go on a vice run..."  
  
"Whip, your 16. You don't have your driver's license yet. I'll go."  
  
"Helena, your license was revoked, remember? I could just fly out."  
  
"Lenneth, that wont be necessary. Everyone, there is nothing to get worried about. His condition has stabilized and the convulsions have stopped. He just needs rest. So we are on our own until he wakes up."  
  
"Why? What has happened to the young master?" asked Puss  
  
Hibya paused.  
  
"He's in a coma."  
  
Everyone stepped back in aghast.  
  
"I bandaged all of his arms. I patched up all of his wounds but I cant do anything to stop the pain. It just keeps searing and searing him. I'm amazed he lasted this long. And I... I found out what that red mist that constantly comes out of his body is."  
  
"What is it then, my dear Hibya?" asked Raphael  
  
Hibya started shaking.  
  
"It's blood. Huge amounts of blood were being torn out of him. The molecules were forcibly ripped out of his body."  
  
Everyone seemed speechless. The red mist that came out of his body occurred on a regular basis. Three times a day even. The tragic news of their master, boss, friend, comrade, ex-lover overwhelmed them. Finally, after an eternity, someone dared to break the silence.  
  
"Come on everyone!"  
  
Dared to speak a brave Mina.  
  
"I don't think Zam would want us to be sad right now! We should do something productive!"  
  
"Like what Mina?"  
  
"WHO WANTS PANCAKES?!"  
  
"Um, MIR, I don't think this is the best time to..."  
  
"WAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
"Okay fine! We aren't doing anything anyway."  
  
"I guess we get the breakfast buffet after all."  
  
"Very well. But all of you remember, we have to continue Zam's story. Paste his rambled thoughts into a logical storyline."  
  
"Hai, Valkyrie-san"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
K-Lord: Something tells me something has gone terribly wrong.  
  
Trademark: Really now, what made it obvious?  
  
Intern: Well, how about the fact that Zam has ID us? I mean look! We have names attached to our dialogue!  
  
Law Shark: I think he was being sarcastic.  
  
Creator: In any case what do we do? He now knows of our presence!  
  
Edits: What off it? Do you think he can do anything now? In his given state?  
  
Trademark: Fear not. He can't do anything now. He holds true to his "creed."  
  
K-Lord: Very well then. We shall continue our operation.  
  
Intern: No way! This seems too good to be true!  
  
Creator: You know, when something is too good to be true, it usually is. The time it will take Zam to finish his story is the same amount of time it will take us to amass the remainder of our forces and begin invading. Zam has not been amassing an army and his power is diminishing faster than we expected! No plan can go as smoothly as THIS!  
  
Trademark: Maybe we have been overestimating the power of the authors.  
  
Law Shark: It'll take a miracle to save Zam now! Don't worry about it!  
  
Intern: By the way, AIKN is coming tonight right? Aren't we going to do something?  
  
Edits: Ah yes. We can let such a glorious event be successful now can we?  
  
K-Lord: Don't worry. I already sent a representative. It has all been taken care of.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Chapter 7: Klyde's Career  
  
Klyde went on to many more adventures. Unfortunately, due to the laziness of the author, or should we say his imagination, he won't bother writing them all. Here are the highlights:  
  
The May crew ransacked a farm for pigs, cows and horses. Unfortunately, it was owned by Zappa. So the May crew was chased out by demon, shadow dogs, bloody swords, ghosts, until Rao finally came out. Needless to say, the FRB's taser bullets did squat on him. The crew had to milk the cows and throw them at Rao to cause him to malfunction.  
  
"S-ko darling, why is Rao writhing in pain?"  
  
"He's lacto intolerant, Zappa honey."  
  
Klyde went down to the corpse-covered catacombs of Czechoslovakia. He was in search of the legendary "Golden Ribbon." A mysterious legendary ribbon. Made out of GOLD. After much shooting, he eventually found that he had competition. Sol wanted the GOLDEN RIBBON as well. It would be his birthday gift to Dizzy. A climactic battle ensued that left Sol...well lets just say...crushed under a 20-ton sea mammal.  
  
"Get this sushi topping off a me!"  
  
They also discovered the secret of mysterious fountain of bliss, back in the ruins chapter. The fountain whose waters said to make all your troubles go away. They got all 3 stones together and the fountain came out. It turned out to be...beer. The three girls got wasted immediately and Klyde had to beg Chipp for help, who was still calling the mini-FRB 'oh mystical floating talking thingy that will grant me much weed.'  
  
"Hang tight little wasted dudettes. I'll, like, get the treasure for you, man."  
  
They took an odd job for Millia Rage. They were hired to protect him from a stalker. When she said that she would give half of her earnings as an assassin, the crew questioned no further. When they found out it was Johnny, the crew was more than happy to 'dispose' of the stalker.  
  
"Why girls? WWWWWHHHHHHYYYYY???" Cried a Johnny who was hit by the May Crew Ougi.  
  
Indeed Ky had many more misadventures, which ultimately lead to his aim 2,000,000 world dollars. He suited up in his Holy Orders uniform and got ready to face the bane of his existence. Wendy Weber Misterjerk. He left May in charge of the ship during his absence.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Ky strode down a familiar intimidating hallway. The fires that helped illuminate and warm the place frightened him no more. At the end of the hallway, there she was. The woman that took the love of his life away. The woman that forced him to go on more hair-brained misadventures that eroded his relationship with the Guilty Gear cast. The woman that forced him to lead a life of crime a few months more. The woman that kept calling him...  
  
"HELLO AGAIN! PRETTY LITTLE FRENCH BOY!"  
  
...that.  
  
"So, you have returned pretty miniature French boy. What business do you have with me?"  
  
"YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHY I AM HERE MISTERJERK!"  
  
"Its Mishtierjerk, pretty minute French boy."  
  
"I am here to pay the interest for my wife's debt. HERE!"  
  
"Oh. That's so lovely, pretty petite French boy. Lets see. One...Two... Hmm? Looks a little short, much like yourself."  
  
"What?! What are you talking about?! There is two million world dollars there!"  
  
"True. True. But tell me, pretty French antonym of large boy, how many days has it been since I last insulted your diminutive size and pastry eating culture?"  
  
"What are you talking about?!"  
  
"You owe INTEREST on your INTEREST!"  
  
Ky was in shock. There were only a few times when we see Ky in this paralyzing level of shock. One was when he found out about Wendy's last name. The other was when he saw that picture of him and Sol on the tabloids. Another one was when he looked at the sexy losers web comics. The last one was when he bought a "Happy Tree Friends" DVD for Jam for Valentines Day, thinking it would be a cute cartoon. Jam loved the present though. But Ky was still having nightmares of 'cold eyes tea.'  
  
"Wha...what?! That's not fair!"  
  
"Such is the nature of capitalism. I'm sorry pretty French jailbait boy, but even my patience has its limits. Grant!"  
  
The hulking man appeared from the shadows.  
  
"Yes, Mistress Mishtierjerk?"  
  
"Take him away!"  
  
Ky was furious.  
  
"NOT THIS TIME!"  
  
He jumped away from the trapped door.  
  
"We ain't done Misterjerk!" Ky screamed as he pulled out the Thunder Seal Sword.  
  
Grant stepped in front of the desk.  
  
"You heard the lady."  
  
He raised his hands. Then from under the floor where Ky was standing, Grant's seven swords flew upwards, gashing Ky in seven different areas.  
  
"AAAAAHHH!"  
  
Ky collapsed to the floor.  
  
"Fare thee well, Pretty Chibi French boy. Look at it this way, you will be reunited with your wife."  
  
With that, Misterjerk pushed another button and another trap door opened up and the bloody Ky fell to oblivion.  
  
"Grant."  
  
"Yes madame?"  
  
"Push forward with the plan. The disappearance of that man could arouse suspicion. I cant have anymore delays."  
  
"So be it."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"Ow." Ky moaned as he slowly recovered his wounds...and his ego. He must have been knocked out, he felt like he had a hangover, similar to the one he got when he accepted Sol's challenge for a Budweiser drinking contest. That is one mistake he will rue for the rest of his life.  
  
"Angels of heaven. She pulled another one on me." Ky said as he surveyed his surroundings. He was in a jail cell. No windows. Rock walls. Solitary steel door. Faint smell of sulfur. It looked like he was underground. He picked himself up. He needed to repay a favor. It was his turn to save Jam. His wife. His love. His savior. And he couldn't exactly do this while he is x-feet underground now could he?  
  
"Let me out!" He screamed at the door. He banged on it with all his might. He knew it was futile. But rotting would only send him into despair once again. He knew he couldn't fall in another one. Because what he was despairing for was for more valuable and priceless than the Thunder Seal.  
  
"In God's name! Let me out!"  
  
"Grrr! Why cant he shut up?!" Cried a voice on the other side of the dark room.  
  
"Cant he see that I'm trying to write a letter?! Let's see..." The person read the letter as it was written  
  
"Darling. Please don't worry. I got myself into this situation and I will get myself out. If I don't come back in a year, please take over the restaurant. Signed..."  
  
"Jam? Is that you?" Ky anxiously called out as the voice narrated.  
  
"Argh! Why cant he shut the fuck up?!"  
  
"JAM! IT IS YOU!"  
  
"Huh?! KY!?" The Chinese cook stared in disbelief. A few months ago, she would cry herself to sleep at the thought that she would never stare into those deep emerald eyes of his. She would die in this place, she convinced herself. She would die longing for his embrace, but know that it would never come. But now, he was here. The one man whom she wanted more than anything else in the world. He was here. She dropped her parchment and her pen and ran to him. Crying out his name, she fell into his embrace. He was more that happy to accept her. As the two locked themselves into each other, a few tears fell down each one of their cheeks. Months. It had been months since that fateful day that Jam said, "Darling, I have to go out on an errand. Will you be alright by yourself for a few days?"  
  
As the moment passed, reality bit them once more.  
  
"Ky, what are you doing here? Oh god... You know don't you? About the Thunder Seal? And Misterjerk? Oh god Ky, I'm so sorry, I just..."  
  
He silenced her with a kiss. This was another thing he had longed for. She trembled at first. Then she calmed down. She brought her face back up. He stared deep into those deep brown eyes. He recognized them. She would always sound so sure of her self. She always seemed independent and in charge. Brash, violent, angry, ditzy, these were adjectives that everyone had labeled around her. But her eyes would always say otherwise. Her eyes showed what she could not. She needed him. More than anything else. But she was scared. Scared that she might lose him.  
  
"I know. Everything. And it doesn't matter. What matters is that we are together again."  
  
Jam fell into the arms of the man he called her own.  
  
"Oh...Ky. Its been so hard..."  
  
Ky could see that. Her skin had felt rough. Her grip tightened. Bruises were all over her skin. She was being worked like a dog. He could hardly bare it.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"And that's why I am here."  
  
"Oh Ky. I'm sorry I brought this upon you..."  
  
"Shhh. Its okay. Don't feel guilty Jam. This is my fault. I forced you to start the event that leads us here. Besides, I don't regret what happened."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"If you had never borrowed that money from that...that...JERK!"  
  
"Misterjerk."  
  
"Whatever! I would never have fallen for you."  
  
Jam blushed. That was one thing he loved about Ky. True, he was undeniably handsome and had a lean, well-toned body that made her giggle every time she fantasized about it. But what made her fall in deeper love with him was his uncanny gift. His gift to say the right things at exactly the right time.  
  
"Jam..."  
  
"Huh? Yes?"  
  
"That Misterjerk... She's planning something isn't she?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"I've done a little background check on her. She keeps two mines underneath her building. One mine produces dark matter. But the other mine doesn't produce any type of natural resource. What makes it more suspicious is that majority of her workers, including the ones she seems to have shanghaied, is working at the other mine. She's planning something isn't she?"  
  
Jam smiled. "Your instincts are right as always."  
  
"So, what is she doing in the other mine?"  
  
"Darling, have you ever heard of Project Judgment?"  
  
"um...yeah. Refresh my memory."  
  
"Before Frederick Mercury joined the 'Gear Project', it was a military program headed by The Man. At the time, magic had become a secret power source being harnessed by first worlds for military purposes."  
  
"I can't say I'm surprised. Justice had enough firepower to take over the world."  
  
"No Ky. Project Justice came after Frederick joined."  
  
"Why are you making such a big deal when Sol joined The Man?"  
  
"Because Frederick's joining of the project heralded the new aim of the 'Gear Project.' It WAS a project to create military weapons. After the establishment of a new, more powerful UN, it was reduced to finding a way to enhance people's magical capacity. Dr. Mercury joined only when it changed its goal."  
  
"Wait a minute, I just want to clarify something. Project Justice was only created so that The Man could find a way to control the gears right?"  
  
"No. The gear project was an abandoned cause. The Man miscalculated and that eventually lead to the gears becoming rampant killing monsters. Project Justice never involved the poor girl that they bio-technically merged with the armor. Project Justice only involved THE ARMOR!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Like I said, it was meant for magical enhancement. The Man didn't even know about that girl's telekinetic link with his creations. So Justice going amok, reviving the terminated gears was really a surprise to everyone."  
  
"angels of heaven. So where does Project Judgment come into this?"  
  
"This was The Man's project even BEFORE the gear project. When they were a weapon's facility. They wanted to create a super weapon so powerful that no country could challenge them. It would be their towering testament of their power."  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Testament: "ACHOO!"  
  
Back at the mines...  
  
"The Man designed it. It was a monster. There was enough fire power in it to destroy most third-world countries. Except a certain South East Asian one. The smog clouds surrounding it was so thick that not even a proton canon the size of the Hubble Space Telescope could blow it up. Truly, if the project had succeeded, The Man would be ruling us with an iron fist right now."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"Though they eventually completed it, they eventually abandoned it. The Man miscalculated again. They couldn't find a dark matter big enough to be the central power core. They made it too big."  
  
"Wow. The Man isn't as omnipotent and all-knowing as we thought."  
  
"Apparently. Why do you think he added Sol in?"  
  
"So how does this fit into the picture?"  
  
"Misterjerk FOUND Judgment! It was in the other mine! As for the other one..."  
  
"She used it to find a big enough dark matter... Jam, did you find it?"  
  
"Yeah. Dug it myself" she said scratching her head. Ky couldn't help but noticed the calluses on his beloved wife's hands."  
  
"It's huge! Bigger than anything I have ever seen! I'm sure she will activate it anytime soon."  
  
"Then we had better hurry!"  
  
"What are you talking about Ky? Were trapped here. There are magic wards all over the place! I can't use my ki-techniques and I am sure you have noticed your sword is out of batteries."  
  
Indeed it was. It looked like Robo-Kys. But Ky climbed up to Jam and gave her a small kiss.  
  
"Just leave it to me."  
  
...  
  
May Ship  
  
...  
  
"Incoming transmition!"  
  
The screen popped out. All they saw was static.  
  
"May Ship! Come in May Ship! This is Klyde!"  
  
"Aah!"  
  
"On no!"  
  
"Hurry! We have to clean up! The place is a mess!"  
  
"Don't worry. He can't see us!"  
  
"I may not be able to see, but I can HEAR everything perfectly! Listen! I've gotten into some trouble. Its time to initiate plan number Rev 14,16- 17. You have to hurry. Every second wasted is fatal! We have to stop Ms. Misterjerk! The fate of the world is dependent on it!"  
  
"Transmition ends..."  
  
"Rev 14, 16-17? What plan is that?!"  
  
"I don't know, I've gotten all the plans mixed up ever since he changed the plan numbers to bible verses."  
  
"Rev 14, 16-17. That's the one where one of us pilots the FRB and rescues Klyde. We also have to bring something else."  
  
"So who pilots it? August?"  
  
"I invented that thing, I cant pilot it! I don't have any combat experience!"  
  
"Jan?"  
  
"I can only pilot something that has thrusters or wheels! Not something with legs!"  
  
"So who will do it?"  
  
As the girls huddled together to find a solution to this dilemma, a shadow came over them.  
  
"I WILL DO IT!"  
  
May was on top of the elevated platform.  
  
"Yay!"  
  
"Good going May!"  
  
"I'm impressed!"  
  
"You all shouldn't be. I AM the first mate. It is my duty to lead in case the captain cant." May said with a certain amount of pride.  
  
"All right!" she barked. "The mission is to save Ky! August! Arm the FRB!"  
  
"Aye aye cap'tn!"  
  
"Anyone who isn't afraid to feel the heat of combat, come with me! The rest, stay here to support us! LETS HUSTLE PEOPLE!"  
  
Everyone rushed off to their stations or to get ready. The final battles of The Misadventures of Ky Kiske was about to begin...  
  
...  
  
ChillingZam Castle  
  
...  
  
As everyone enjoyed MIR's waffles, they failed to notice the dark swarm looming in the horizon.  
  
While Zam laid in his bed, his eyes wide open, two words raced through his mind, whatever wasn't taken by the coma.  
  
Kanon Society...  
  
...  
  
Chapter Seven, Part One, Ends... 


	11. Chapter 72: Take no prisoners

The May Ship neared Misterjerk's building. Everyone was in awe of size of the ship...and on how close it was to the ground. Everyone was dumbfounded at it. When the ship neared the mine entrance, it opened fire on everything it saw.  
  
BRATATATATATA...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...KABOOM!  
  
OH MY GOD! THE HUMANITY! AAAAIIIIIEEEE! HELP! MY SKIN'S ALLERGIC TO FIRE! HELPING ME WEASEL! OH MY GOD! THAT HAD BETTER BE A BOOT! FOR GOD'S SAKE THAT HAD BETTER BE A BOOT! Hey, it's a boot... MY ARMS! I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWO! WHAT IN BUDDHA'S NAME IN WRONG WITH YOU! MOM? IS THAT YOU? MY EYES! MY PERFECT BLUE EYES! THERE SHOULDN'T BE SHRAPNEL IN THEM! AHHHH!  
  
When it had incapacitated most of the ground forces, and caused massive pandemonium, they dropped the FRB and a few brave girls. When they confirmed their safe drop, they pulled up, cause the anti-air guns were being loaded. May, on the FRB, rushed forward and blew open the lock.  
  
"Everyone! Take no prisoners! Beat down everyone who gets in our way!"  
  
"ROGER!"  
  
A couple of defense magi-tech robots stood in their way, most of them were Robo-Kys that went out of work when the Post War Management Bureau went out of business. They blew them all apart. For the first time, they didn't stop to loot their opponents. This mission was of utmost importance.  
  
They blew everything in their way. Robo-Kys. Robo-Kliffs. Borschts. Robot- Astro Boys, Robot-Slayers (which did nothing but smoke and laugh), generic sentai bad guys who could only march in one direction, and a couple of guys minding their own business. Finally they reached the prisoner's chamber.  
  
May taser targeted one door. The girls rushed in. They weren't there, but a couple of prisoners ran out. The same thing happened on the first 5 doors. The first one had prisoners. The second had French orphans. The third had priceless artwork. The fourth had simple Amish folk. The fifth one had another stand-up, forbidden beast act, complete with Donald Duck laughter. Until finally...  
  
"Sixth one!"  
  
BAM  
  
"Hurray!" The girls cried as they rushed in.  
  
"May! May! We found them!"  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"Girls! You found us!"  
  
"Huh? Ky, isn't this the May crew? What have you been up to?"  
  
"Um...I'll tell you later darling. Right now, we gotta stop Misterjerk from activating Judgment!"  
  
"Hey Ky!"  
  
"May! You brought the FRB! I'm amazed you were able to pilot it!"  
  
"Well...you know..." May said, trying to feign modesty.  
  
"More importantly, did you girls bring the other thing?"  
  
"Here it is Ky." One of the girls said as she pulled Ky's pirate uniform from the FRB's back.  
  
"Good Job!" As Ky clutched on to the articles of clothing, he stared at it for one moment. One more. That's what he thought. One more time. I have to become a pirate, a rebel, one more time. I have to defy the rules, break them, and become a criminal one more time. I have to be evil one more time. Oh well, without evil, there could be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes. Up there, where the flowers bloom. Where babies burp, there's so much room. And now was the best time to be evil.  
  
"Ky? Baby? Whats wrong?" Jam said. Everyone had become worried on Ky's sudden silence.  
  
Out of nowhere, Ky Grabbed his Holy Orders uniform and...  
  
RIP  
  
...tore it open. As he exposed his lean, white, muscular chest, every female in the immediate vicinity dropped her jaws open. They would have giggled, but Jam was giving them the jagan.  
  
"Just one minute. Did you have a good dream?"  
  
Ky wore his denim pants, black shirt, denim vest, blue cap and most importantly, the shades. This would be the last time Ky would become Klyde. Except for the occasional bedroom cosplay for Jam. Ky opened up the back of the FRB. It had been running on an auxiliary magical battery. It had almost run out. Ky pulled it out, completely disregarding the searing heat, and popped in the Thunder Seal. Then with his out-of character confidence, he faced the May crew and Jam. With that same confidence with a hint of cockiness, he said...  
  
"Lets go ladies."  
  
...  
  
They rushed off in the direction Jam pointed them to the Judgment. A couple of guards stood in their way. Bad move. Ky was able to rationalize that they were trying to help Misterjerk conquer the world and broke through them, even stepping on a couple. Never in his life did Ky have a huge disregard for other people's lives. Jam leads them to an automatic door.  
  
"Its through this door. But it's locked! There's even a magic rune protecting it!"  
  
"Can we link the door mechanisms up with our communicators and let April hack it?"  
  
"We cant! There is no signal down here!"  
  
"How about I bust it down with a taser shot?"  
  
"No way! That's an advanced anti-magic rune!"  
  
"Can't we just break it down?!"  
  
"Scratch that! This is diamond matter. An alloy made from melted diamonds and dark matter! Even Sol's fire seal wouldn't even scratch it!"  
  
"Oh for Buddha's sake..."  
  
"Jam, what are you doing?"  
  
Jam walked up to the door. She produced a small flask vial, which also looked like it was made out of diamond matter, only with a couple of more layers. She opened it and threw some greenish liquid, which quickly melted the door down. Everyone, except Jam of course, stared in shock.  
  
"Jam...what was that?"  
  
"The soup they have been feeding us. Come on!"  
  
The rushed into a dark room  
  
"Its so dark."  
  
"I can't see."  
  
"Aw! May! That was my foot!"  
  
"Steph, I'm over here."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Wait, I found the light switch!"  
  
As the electricity surged through the wires, everyone stared in disbelief at what they saw. It was massive. It was about the same size of the May ship. It was a metallic, massive cylinder with a cone on its head. There was a big trap jaw, which looked like a mouth. Though it wasn't doing anything, everyone couldn't help but be...intimidated by it.  
  
"So...That's the head?"  
  
Everyone looked down. This massive thing was ATTACHED to something. The body was so wide. No one could see the end points of the body. It was probably as wide as Misterjerk's building. The cold hard gray look of the metal made it all the more...frightening.  
  
"Magnificent. Isn't it?" cried a voice in the darkness.  
  
Everyone suddenly jerked his or her heads to see whom it was. Grant was on top of Judgment's body.  
  
"Could any of you ever conceive that a being with such power was possible? When this is activated, no force on earth could stop us! Not the UN, not Sol, not even if Justice was miraculously resurrected could she stop us! Hahahaha."  
  
Ky glared at Grant.  
  
"GRANT! I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!"  
  
Grant stared at Ky. He then levitated himself to the ground where everybody stood.  
  
"Oh? What might that be? Officer?"  
  
"You hurt my wife. Now I'LL HURT YOU!"  
  
"Your wife? The cowardly woman who has left you?"  
  
Ky looked back. Then he started looking everywhere frantically. Jam was gone. Did she run away? Did she fall? Did she go to the bathroom? So many questions raced through Ky's mind.  
  
As Grant saw the worried Ky, he began laughing hysterically  
  
"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Very well, officer. If you have a grudge against me..." Grant raised his hands. With a violent jerk, he pulled out his seven swords from the walls. "Have at you! I am going to beat you...to a PULP!"  
  
Grant floated towards Ky. Ky began shooting at Grant. Grant made three of his swords form a shield in front of him, as the taser bullets came. He then threw the remaining swords towards the FRB. Frantic, Ky hit the 'twirl' button. The FRB's torso began rotating violently. Thankfully, it repelled the charging swords, but left Ky faint. Seeing this as and opportunity, Grant charged with the remaining three swords. Grant really should stop levitating. All he could do was air soar towards Ky. If he stepped on the floor, he could have dashed, which has a lot longer range. Anyway, Ky was able to recover as he saw Grant air soaring towards him. He then pulled out a huge rock and threw it to Grant. Had Grant had his seven swords, he could have slashed the rock to bits. But he didn't. He sidestepped out of the way, only to be hit by Klyde's taser target.  
  
"What infernal contraption is this?"  
  
Grant didn't notice the girls going 'YAY' and pinning him down on his feet.  
  
"What are you doing?!"  
  
KZAT  
  
"Huh?"  
  
BOOM  
  
Grant was hit by Klyde's taser target. He flew to the wall.  
  
CRACK  
  
Apparently, Grant is stronger than people anticipate. He recovered before he fell face first to the floor. Furious, Grant summoned his seven swords. Then, he had them all face horizontally then begin rotating around his, like some kind of obit. They ran faster and faster and faster, until a swirling ring of death appeared before him. Then, he raised the circle upwards and quickly sent it hovering above Klyde and the May crew. It took them all by surprise so they weren't able to move away. Then, Grant had all of the swords impale them.  
  
"DIE!"  
  
Bullet time. Klyde fires a charged taser shot at one of the swords to disarm it. Then he quickly jumps backwards as two of them almost skewer him. May jumps forward in front of Ky as she uses her anchor to block the fourth one. Steph jumps from the FRB to catch the fifth one by its handle. Olivia was at the back. She shot frantically as one sword charged towards her. One of her fire bullets caught the sword by the guard causing it to fly away. Ky raised the robot arm of the FRB to block the last sword. It pierced through the armor and through the magi-tech circuits but didn't have enough momentum to go through it. Steph's feet reached the floor and she threw the sword to Grant. July rolled away from the line of...stabbing. And threw a big magical napalm at Grant. Grant stopped the sword. Upon seeing the flask headed towards it, he slashed it with the sword he caught.  
  
KABOOM!  
  
"ARGH" Grant fell standing to the floor.  
  
"This is my chance!" Thought Ky. Pouring his own mastery of lighting magic into the FRB. He then motioned the gun arm to draw a circle of magical blue runes. After he had finished with the incantation, he opened his eyes.  
  
"SACRED...  
  
...and motioned the gun arm to swing forward.  
  
"...HELL!"  
  
Grant was still protecting his body from the napalm blast. When from out of the swirling explosion, a giant drill made out of lighting magic appeared. His eyes widened.  
  
KZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAT  
  
Grant was sent flying towards the cave wall.  
  
CRASH  
  
With his body's imprint, he forever immortalized this event on the wall...  
  
BRACK  
  
...and on the floor.  
  
The whole team took a breather. But as the smoke cleared, they were all shocked to see Grant standing on one knee.  
  
"Arrrrrggghhh... Not bad. I shouldn't expect any less from the legendary crusader." He said as he got up and gave an evil glare. "But PLAY TIME ENDS HERE!" He once again jerked his arms to bring out the swords. He twisted his body...  
  
"PYSCHIC SWORD STYLE SPECIAL ATTACK!"  
  
Just then, Jam pounced towards Grant...carrying a massive boulder.  
  
"YAH!"  
  
BAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM  
  
"Take that! Stupid, Bison-rip-off, Sword Swinging, Korean!"  
  
"Jam! Where did you come from?!"  
  
"I had to get my mallet. But I couldn't find it anywhere so I had to settle for this large rock.  
  
Only Grant's arms were creeping out of the boulder. Ky smirked when he saw them twitching.  
  
"Oh yeah. You owed him one too."  
  
"HAHA! WELL DONE GRANT!"  
  
Everyone turned to see Misterjerk on top of the Judgment.  
  
"You bought enough time! You are too late, muffin-eating, hairy-armed, beret-wearing, artwork-loving, Napoleon-worshipping, mustache-wearing, bad- teethed, Kodachi-like-laughing, petite, miniature, small, tiny, short, munchkin, small-framed, jailbait, yaoi-a-rific, Sol-pair able, Barbara Steisand-ticket holding, Oscar Wilde-reading, leather pant-wearing, Pretty French BOY!"  
  
From above, a massive dark matter appeared. It was as big as Sol's ego, (HEY!) roughly the same size as the boulder Jam rammed into Grant. A dark matter that size could have bought you a small island filled with beautiful naked men. It would need to be a little bigger, around a beer bottle more, to upgrade that package to naked women. Brought to you by 'Island Paradise Sales' making every rich man's fantasy a reality. Trading big dark matters for small islands with naked women since 2050. Powered by Slayer Corp.  
  
The gigantic dark matter descended slowly. The cone opened up and the dark matter went in. Sounds of surging power filled the room as the place slowly began to vibrate. Then the vibrations became stronger. And stronger. And stronger.  
  
...  
  
Sho Town  
  
...  
  
Sho T.: "Mmmmmm...Vibrations..."  
  
...  
  
Back at the mines  
  
...  
  
Soon the whole place was shaking harder than Kliff during his arthritis attack. This was just as deadly.  
  
"Ky! The whole place is going to fall apart!"  
  
"Oh no...LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"  
  
As they ran, the maniacal laugh of Misterjerk haunted their every step. Fade to white...  
  
...  
  
May Ship  
  
...  
  
"Whew. That was close."  
  
"Um...Klyde...You had better look at this..."  
  
Ky rushed to the open windows. Among all the things that surprised him today, this would be the greatest. He saw the Judgment at its full height. It was a behemoth. It was only slightly bigger that Misterjerk's building, which was a 200-story one. The eyes glared red as it stared forward.  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"It's so big!"  
  
"What are we going to do?!"  
  
"Donht worry everyone! Remember, The Man made this thing before Justice! It must be a real antique! We can take it on with our modern weapons!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"That thing must be crap!"  
  
Klyde faced the crew.  
  
"MA-AY CREW! BATTLE STATIONS!"  
  
The May crew scrambled to the weapons of the ship. May went to the quadra- lasers. July, Steph, Olivia and Saint went to the gun turrets. August began manning the bomb bay doors as Jan, Love and March began loading the missiles. April stayed on the bridge with Jam and Klyde.  
  
"OPEN FIRE!"  
  
May pulled on four strings with her four limbs. August hit the controls with her fist and the bomb bay doors opened. The girls in the gun turrets pushed the button. Four thin lasers to fire and hit the gigantic target. Numerous missiles sailed from the ship to the Judgment. Bullets began firing violently towards the smoke clouds ala "The Matrix." April was inputting dozens of calculations in the computer. When she finished, she screamed...  
  
"with your permission..."  
  
...and fired.  
  
"...PROTON CANON!"  
  
The front of the May Ship opened up, revealing a giant proton canon. It fired a huge, spiral energy blast.  
  
All of their efforts were in vain. When the smoke cleared, the Judgment wasn't even scratched.  
  
"No..."  
  
Then, a voice spoke from it. It was Misterjerk.  
  
"HAHA! Is that the best you can do? Well now its my turn..."  
  
In front of the head of the Judgment, a huge energy ball gathered power. When it was as big as Sol's ego (HEEEEY!!!!) it moved, with frightening speed, towards the May Ship.  
  
KABOOM!  
  
"AAAAH!"  
  
"GHH!"  
  
"AIEEE!"  
  
The emergency red light began flashing on and off.  
  
"Engine room to bridge! Engine room to bridge! Cap'n! She canna take no more! She's gonna blow!"  
  
"A little more specific PLEASE AUGUST!"  
  
"We've lost thrusters 3 and four! We are losing power! And fast!"  
  
"May has fallen off the ship!"  
  
"aaahhh"  
  
"Ky! Darling! Whats wrong?!"  
  
Jam stared in shock. Ky was bleeding and badly. Jam cradled his bloody husband in her arms.  
  
"No! Ky...don't leave me..."  
  
"EVERYONE! REPORT TO THE BRIDGE AT ONCE!"  
  
The May crew, minus May, rushed to the bridge.  
  
"I have to...keep...fighting..."  
  
"Shhh" Jam said as he silenced his husband. "No more Ky. No more fighting. You shouldn't even be fighting this batte."  
  
Saint stepped forward. "I'll take him to the sick bay."  
  
"What will we do now?!"  
  
"Klyde is injured and May fell overboard!"  
  
"Oh man! Now what?!"  
  
"we stop that thing." Jam said with a hint of defiance.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"We stop that thing as your Captain said we would!"  
  
"But how?"  
  
"I have an idea. But I need one of you to go on a suicide mission."  
  
"What would that be?"  
  
"I need one of you to drop me at the chest of the Judgment."  
  
"What!"  
  
"Whats crazy!"  
  
"It's the only way!"  
  
"I'll do it." Jan said as she stepped forward.  
  
"Great! Lets go!"  
  
"Wait! Were coming with you!"  
  
"Alright. LETS GO."  
  
Chapter Seven, part two ends. The beginning of the end has begun. 


	12. Subchapter3: AIKN

Oh the insanity. The songs mentioned are property of their respective artists.  
  
...  
  
The Misadventures of Ky Kiske  
  
Subchapter 3: AIKN  
  
...  
  
Mancervantes, personal manservant of Samael Tsuzuku walked down the hallway. He was dressed in his usual tuxedo, walking as stiff as a board. His dark eyes grew weary as his gray hair grew whiter. Obviously, something was troubling him. Maybe what was troubling him was that someone else was troubled. He is faithful to Samael. He would gladly go to the ends of the earths with him. But recently, he has been worried about him.  
  
Samael was growing weaker and weaker everyday. The fire in his punches was diminishing. The great hatred in his eyes, vanishing. He wanted to help Samael achieve his one goal: to see his brother Sho as nothing more as a greasy smear on his fist. But the past battles with Sho had been...demoralizing. Especially after his loss at "The Wedding Night 2." He wanted to help. But his green hypnotic eye beam could only do so much. When he reached a door, he sighed. He knocked.  
  
"Come on in."  
  
He entered the hotel room. There he was. The evil side of Sho Tsuzuku. Bane of fanfiction writers everywhere. The most feared barbarian in the land. Samael Tsuzuku. Cargo Pants. Muscle Shirt. Sneakers. Bling Bling. Cap. He was dressed in some hip, modern, fashionable clothes. Not like all the Chinese robes he wears all the time. He looked troubled as he stared out the window.  
  
"Are you ready sir?"  
  
"Yeah. How about you?"  
  
"I am fine as I am sir."  
  
"Suit yourself."  
  
He continued to glare out the window.  
  
"Sir...If I may..." said Mancervantes as he dared to break the silence.  
  
"You are stronger and more powerful than you fat cat brother will ever be. His influence can't protect him forever. He will fall. We just have to keep trying..."  
  
Samael began sniggering. This startled Mancervantes. With the exception of Sullia, Tsuzukus DON'T laugh. Samael turned to Mancervantes.  
  
"You know what Van? I really don't care right now. I just want to enjoy tonight. This is the one night my stupid brother and me can be within 2 miles of each other without destroying everything within that radius. Lets just chill for tonight alright?"  
  
He walked up to Mancervantes and patted him on the shoulder. Van smirked.  
  
"So be it sir."  
  
"Great! Lets go! If we hurry, we can get you properly outfitted at Bench before it begins! Lets go Van!"  
  
"Um, sir, I really don't..."  
  
"I SAID lets go VAN!"  
  
He rolled his eyes and the two ran out to the elevator.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Once every year, a very disturbing phenomenon occurs. It is one that continues to baffle writers everywhere. It is dangerous, yet fabulous. No one knows why or how it happens. No one knows and no one cares. They just enjoy this wondrous occasion with all of their energy and wake up the next morning regretting like a hangover from October fest.  
  
If you are continuing to read this, I am assuming you are ready for the madness that looms. Very well then, let me explain how it works. Once every once in a while, the author universes, all of the endless universes made by all of the author's imagination, align. No one knows the exact date. Once it does, a mysterious energy streaks through all the universes. It illuminates and shines every planet it passes by. The mysterious lightshow remains there for 2-3 minutes then it is gone. At first, nothing happens. Then a strange sensation surges through all of the author inserts. It is an indescribable feeling. What happens is that they DROP whatever they are doing. Whether they are fighting a war, drawing a dramatic conclusion to their fanfic, in a Camille Vidan state, stuck in TarAUTHORus, expanding an evil empire, whatever, IT IS STOPPED. Until the event is over, everything is put to a temporal STOP.  
  
Then they disappear. All of the author inserts disappear. After wards, an equally strange sensation runs through the bodies of all the characters. They also drop whatever they are doing and MOVE. They run, they drive cars they board space ships, whatever form of transport they have available at the moment they use and ALL of the characters, original, cameos, original cast, character variation, they ALL move to one spot. Once they reach there, they wait... They wait in unbearable anticipation.  
  
The venue for this event is Sho Town. All of the people are converging at one huge stadium. Let us bear witness to this dangerous but fabulous event.  
  
"GOOD EVENING EVERYONE! Welcome to the show! I'm Nik Hasta and I will be your host for tonight! Wow, this AIKN seems to be the biggest one yet! Anyone who is anyone is coming to show up! The Get Backers! The King of Fighters! Shadow-Law! Nerima Crew! MITHRIL! NERV! Justice High School! Man! Everyone is really here! Oh, you can bet that tonight will be the biggest show yet! You can just die of the anticipation! Outside, lines are still long as more and more people crash into the stadium! Lots of useless crap and unhealthy food is being sold by the sponsors! I would like to take this opportunity to thank them! Slayer Corp! Making your fantasies come true...eventually! Conglomo! We own you! Brain Trust! We ownz you too! Masters/Garcia foundation! We believe every loose woman deserves a good time! And dimension travels! See the beautiful wasteland known as Sheo Darren's world, disastrous marriage capital of the whole fanfic continuum, at discount prices! Hurry before Wedding season is over! Oh...OH! The lights are darkening! Its happening! Its happening! Everyone! Brace yourself for...  
  
AUTHOR INSERT KARAOKE NIGHT!  
  
The crowd went wild as the lights dimmed. Soon they sea of people was enveloped by a sea of darkness. A lone spot light dared to pierce the darkness. It illuminated a singular man. He wore a white jacket over his black shirt. He wore jeans and rubber shoes. Bling bling hung over his neck as a pimp hat covered his face. He raised his hands into a peace sign as he raised his head.  
  
Now,um,usually I dont do this but uh....Go head' on and break em off wit a lil' preview of the remix....  
  
Tsuzuku broke into a smooth dance as the music played. The crowd went wild.The sudden flash of light revealed a huge array of characters performing as back up dancers for Sho. They included Gau Ban, Ranma Saotome, his two secretaries Vice and Mature, Ryo Sakazaki, Andy Bogart, Kenshiro and Haru Glory. They joined Sho in his clubby performance that kicked off AIKN.  
  
No I'm not tryin to be rude,  
  
But hey pretty girl I'm feelin you  
  
The way you do the things you do  
  
Remind me of my Lexus coup  
  
Thats why im all up in yo grill  
  
Tryina get you to a hotel  
  
You must be a football coach  
  
The way you got me playin the field  
  
So baby gimme that toot toot  
  
Lemme give you that beep beep  
  
Runnin her hands through my 'fro  
  
Bouncin on 24's  
  
While they say on the radio...  
  
It's the remix to ignition  
  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
  
Mama rollin that body  
  
got every man in here wishin  
  
Sippin on coke and rum  
  
I'm like so what I'm drunk  
  
It's the freakin weekend baby  
  
I'm about to have me some fun  
  
Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce  
  
Now it's like murder she wrote  
  
Once I get you out them clothes  
  
Privacy is on the door  
  
Still they can hear you screamin more  
  
Girl I'm feelin what you feelin  
  
No more hopin and wishin  
  
I'm bout to take my key and  
  
Stick it in the ignition  
  
So baby gimme that toot toot  
  
Lemme give you that beep beep  
  
Runnin her hands through my 'fro  
  
Bouncin on 24's  
  
While they say on the radio...  
  
This is the remix to ignition  
  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
  
Mama rollin that body  
  
Got every man in here wishin  
  
Sippin on coke and rum  
  
I'm like so what i'm drunk  
  
It's the freakin weekend baby  
  
I'm about to have me some fun  
  
Crystall poppin in the stretch Navigator  
  
We got food every where  
  
As if the party was catored  
  
We got fellas to my left  
  
Hunnies on my right  
  
We bring em both together we got junkin all night  
  
Then after the show its the (after party)  
  
And after the party its the (hotel lobby)  
  
And round about 4 you gotta (clear the lobby)  
  
Then head take it to the room and freak somebody  
  
Can I get a toot toot  
  
Can I get a beep beep  
  
Runnin her hands through my 'fro  
  
Bouncin on 24's  
  
While they say on the radio...  
  
This is the remix to ignition  
  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
  
Mama rollin that body  
  
Got every man in here wishin  
  
Sippin on coke and rum  
  
I'm like so what I'm drunk  
  
It's the freakin weekend baby  
  
I'm about to have me some fun  
  
This is the remix to ignition  
  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
  
Mama rollin that body  
  
Got every man in here wishin  
  
Sippin on coke and rum  
  
I'm like so what I'm drunk  
  
It's the freakin weekend baby  
  
I'm about to have me some fun  
  
Girl we off in this jeep  
  
Foggin windows up  
  
Blastin the radio  
  
In the back of my truck  
  
Bouncin up and down  
  
Stroke it round and round  
  
To the remix  
  
We just thuggin it out...  
  
The music faded as the lights did, but a solitary spot light stayed on Sho. He then stood up straight violently, breaking everyone's beat. Then, lasers started firing  
  
"Peace up. Sho town."  
  
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH  
  
This time, six other spotlights came out with each beat, showing the other author inserts joining Sho in his second song.  
  
YEAH YEAH YEAH  
  
Shorty got down, said come get me...  
  
YEAH YEAH YEAH  
  
My baby girl, knew best to hold me  
  
YEAH YEAH YEAH  
  
I was so caught up forgot she told me  
  
YEAH YEAH YEAH  
  
Next thing I knew, she was all up on me screaming...  
  
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH  
  
One of the authors stepped up in front. It was Zam  
  
Take that! Rewind it back! Sho T. is the pimp that make your booty go CLAP   
  
Take that! Rewind it back! 'vader-Zam got the beat that make your booty go CLAP   
  
Take that! Rewind it back! Sheo Darren got the flow that make your booty go CLAP   
  
Take that! Rewind it back! Lone Wolf got the voice that make your booty go CLAP   
  
Take that! Rewind it back! Person got the funk that make your booty go CLAP   
  
Take that! Rewind it back! Shady Guy got the groove that make your booty go CLAP   
  
Take that! Rewind it back! Ichiko got the moves that make your booty go CLAP   
  
As the blackness faded, a band played. It consisted of three guitarists. Sol and Benimaru made up the first two. Leading them was the Shady Guy. The trench coat that covered his entire body didn't seem to hinder him from singing like a guy who ate a couple of jalapenos.  
  
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.  
  
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around since I was born.  
  
And now it's all right. It's OK. And you may look the other way.  
  
We can try to understand the New York Times' effect on man.  
  
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhlive.  
  
Well now, I get low and I get high, and if I can't get either, I really try.  
  
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes. I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.  
  
You know it's all right. It's OK. I'll live to see another day.  
  
We can try to understand the New York Times' effect on man.  
  
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alaaaaaahhhhive.  
  
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me. Somebody help me, yeah.  
  
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me. Somebody help me, yeah. Stayin' alive.  
  
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.  
  
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around since I was born.  
  
And now it's all right. It's OK. And you may look the other way.  
  
We can try to understand the New York Times' effect on man.  
  
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.  
  
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me. Somebody help me, yeah.  
  
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah. I'm stayin' alive.  
  
An upbeat tone filled the arena as the next performer came up. He wore a leather jacket, a black shirt and jeans. He looked like the back street boy they left behind. As the time for the lyrics came, Sheo Darren lifted up his microphone. At the back, Tessa, Kirikia and Rei were providing back-up voices.  
  
daisuki to omou kara ne kizutsu ittari tomadottari  
  
tsumetai hoho wo yose atte kokoro ga umareta  
  
itsumo ima sugu ni aitai  
  
mukuchi ni naruhodo suki yo yasashi sa doushitara mieru no  
  
dakishimete motto tsuyoku atataka na mune wo shinjiru yo  
  
sayonara solitia ashita he  
  
chiisana watashi dakara zenbu demo tarinai yone  
  
nanni mo kakusanai te anata ni agetai  
  
mada shiroi yoake wo miokutte  
  
konnani daiji na hito ni doushite meguri aetano to  
  
itai hodo tsunagu yubi de sabishi sa kieme yume wo miru no  
  
sayonara solitia  
  
mou hitori jyanai kara ashita mezameru no anata to  
  
daisuki na hito dakara ne sobani iru mamotteru  
  
anata he tsunagaru daichi ni umerete yokatta  
  
A bigger performance greeted the audience. You could tell from the number of characters on stage. Lobelia Carlini played on the lead guitar, showcasing a hidden talent. Heather Mason jammed on the drums. Puss and Whip played the second guitars and Raphael strummed on bass. Helena Douglas, Mina Majikina, Lenneth Valkyrie and Hibya provided back up voices. Zell Dincht, Yoshitora Tokugawa and Ivy played various brass instruments. Ivader-Zam4 walked up on stage, greeted by a roaring audience. Unlike he's other colleagues who were dressed in hip-hop outfits, he came in his robe and kilt, twirling his staff. As he approached the center of the stage the staff glowed as the ornamental outfit magically stripped itself to show Zam in a black shirt and a dark green unbuttoned polo. Khaki pants were revealed under the kilt and black sneakers. Then the staff turned into a microphone stand.  
  
Man it's a hot one  
  
Like seven inches from the midday sun  
  
I hear you whisper & the words melt everyone  
  
But you stay so cool  
  
My munequita, my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa  
  
You're my reason for reason  
  
The step in my groove  
  
And if you said this life ain't good enough  
  
I would give my world to lift you up  
  
I could change my life to better suit your mood  
  
'Cause you're so smooth  
  
And it's just like the ocean under the moon  
  
it's the same as the emotion that I get from you  
  
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth  
  
Gimme your heart, make it real  
  
Or else forget about it  
  
I'll tell you one thing  
  
If you would leave it would be a crying shame  
  
In every breath and every word  
  
I hear your name calling me out  
  
Out from the barrio  
  
you hear my rhythm on your radio  
  
You feel the turning of the world so soft and slow  
  
Turning you round and round  
  
And if you said this life ain't good enough  
  
I would give my world to lift you up  
  
I could change my life to better suit your mood  
  
Cause you're so smooth  
  
And it's just like the ocean under the moon  
  
it's the same as the emotion that I get from you  
  
You got the kind of lovin that can be so smooth  
  
Gimme your heart, make it real  
  
Or else forget about it  
  
The next performance was that of a band called 3vil l33t. Largo jammed on drums, Dom on bass and Ed on guitar. Taka Ichiko doing vocals with blood- shot open eyes and marionette movements. He looked like he was on drugs.  
  
Wake up  
  
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup) Grab a brush and put a little Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup) Hide the scars to fade away. why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable. (You wanted to) grab a brush and put a little makeup. (You wanted to) hide the scars to fade away the shakeup. (You wanted to) why'd you leave the keys upon the table? (You wanted to)  
  
I don't think you trust  
  
In, my, self righteous suicide  
  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die, die  
  
Wake up grab a brush and put a little (makeup). Grab a brush and put a little. Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup). Hide the scars to fade away the. Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable. (You wanted to) Grab a brush and put a little makeup (You wanted to) Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup (You wanted to) Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? (You wanted to)  
  
I don't think you trust  
  
In, my, self righteous suicide  
  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die  
  
In, my, self righteous suicide  
  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die  
  
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER, FATHER  
  
Father into your hands, I commend my spirit  
  
Father into your hands  
  
Why have you forsaken me  
  
In your eyes forsaken me  
  
In your thoughts forsaken me  
  
In your heart forsaken, me oh  
  
Trust in my self righteous suicide  
  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die  
  
In my self righteous suicide  
  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die  
  
The time, the stage changed. There were props and the background was a balcony. It was like a scene from a play. From the balcony, Lone Wolf, dressed in an Armani outfit, was frozen in a mosaic with Hibiki Takane, who was in an elegant night gown. Then, without warning, Lone Wolf spoke  
  
[Lone Wolf:]  
  
Love is a many splendored thing,  
  
Love lifts us up where we belong,  
  
All you need is love!  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
Please, don't start that again  
  
[LWN:]  
  
All you need is love!  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
A girl has got to eat!  
  
[LWN:]  
  
All you need is love!  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
She'll end up on the street! (sigh)  
  
[LWN:]  
  
All you need is looooove!  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
Love is just a game.  
  
(Music started playing)  
  
[LWN:]  
  
I was made for loving you baby,  
  
You were made for loving me.  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
The only way of loving me baby,  
  
Is to pay a lovely fee.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
Just one night,  
  
Give me just one night.  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
There's no way,  
  
Cause you can't pay.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
In the name of love!  
  
One night in the name of love!  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
You crazy fool,  
  
I won't give in to you.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
Don't, leave me this way.  
  
I can't survive, without your sweet love,  
  
Oh baby, don't leave me this way.  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs...  
  
[LWN:] I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no.  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs  
  
[LWN:]  
  
Well what's wrong with that?  
  
I like to know.  
  
Cause here I go... again...  
  
Love lifts us up where we belong!  
  
Where eagles fly,  
  
On a mountain high!  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
Love makes us act like we are fools.  
  
Throw our lives away,  
  
For one happy day.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
We could be heroes...  
  
Just for one day.  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
You, you will be mean.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
No, I won't.  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
(sigh) And I, I'll drink all the time.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
We should be lovers...  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
We can't do that.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
We should be lovers!  
  
And that's a fact.  
  
Though nothing, would keep us together.  
  
[LWN:]  
  
We could steal time...  
  
[LWN & Hibiki:]  
  
Just for one day.  
  
We could be heroes,  
  
Forever and ever,  
  
We could be heroes,  
  
Forever and ever,  
  
We can be heroes...  
  
[LWN:]  
  
Just because I... will always love you...  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
I...  
  
[LWN & Hibiki:]  
  
...Can't help loving...  
  
[LWN:]  
  
...You...  
  
[Hibiki:]  
  
How wonderful life is,  
  
[LWN and Hibiki:]  
  
Now you're in, the world...  
  
Massive applause. For the next performance, another band played. A famous band though, comprised of a stuffed toy Noodle playing guitar? A stuff toy Murdoc playing bass? Stuff toy Russell playing drums? And Person with many aliases?  
  
Everybody's here with me  
  
(we) Got no camera to see  
  
Don't think I'm not all in this world  
  
The camera won't let me go  
  
And the verdict doesn't love our soul  
  
The digital won't let me go  
  
Yeah yeah yeah  
  
I'll pay (yeah yeah yeah)  
  
When tomorrow  
  
Tomorrow comes today  
  
Stereo I want it on  
  
It's taken me far too long  
  
Don't think I'm not all in this world  
  
I don't think I'll be here too long  
  
I don't think I'll be here too long  
  
I don't think I'll be here too long  
  
Yeah yeah yeah  
  
I'll pay  
  
When tomorrow  
  
Tomorrow comes today  
  
(Da da da da da da da)  
  
It was time for the last part. Sheo grabbed his drumsticks as Zam grabbed his electric guitar. The two hurried off to the stage. Meanwhile, Sho approached Shady Guy.  
  
"Sho! We gotta problem!" he said in a very hoarse voice.  
  
"What's up? Were almost on!"  
  
"I cant raise my voice anymore!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I've lost it in my song! What are we going to do? What about the finale?"  
  
"Don't worry." Sho said in a suspiciously kind voice as he put his arms on his shoulder. "Leave it up to me."  
  
Then with all his might, he kneed Shady Guy on the balls. He fell. He writhed in agony.  
  
"That's the last time I am writing another one of your STUPID CAPTAIN'S LOG!"  
  
Sho stormed off to get his bass, muttering something about Canadian pinewood. Then with a child's voice, Plave said...  
  
"thank you...sho."  
  
The crowd waited in unbearable anticipation in THE DARKNESS for the final act of AIKN. The stadium began modifying itself. Where the center of the crowd was, it began to move. The people stumbled as a huge hole opened in the dead center of the stadium. From the hole, a big gigantic smiling Buddha statue appeared. Its arms moved up and they formed victory signs. Then, a blue platform appeared on top of it. Four spotlights appeared. Sheo Darren as the trying not to be but still is wacky drummer. Sho Tsuzuku as the stone faced bassist. Invader-Zam4 as the guitarist who looked like he came from a pot session. And Plave as the infamous vocalist/guitarist. As Zam began strumming, Plave approached the mike.  
  
Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel  
  
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel.  
  
WOH  
  
Touching you,  
  
WOH  
  
Touching me,  
  
WOH  
  
Touching you, GOD your touching me  
  
I believe in a thing called love  
  
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart  
  
There's a chance we could make it now  
  
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down  
  
I believe in a thing called love. Ooh! Huh!  
  
I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day  
  
You got me in a spin but everything is A-O.K!  
  
WOH  
  
Touching you,  
  
WOH  
  
Touching me  
  
WOH  
  
Touching you god your touching me  
  
I believe in a thing called love  
  
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart  
  
There's a chance we could make it now  
  
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down  
  
I believe in a thing called love  
  
Ooh! Guitar!  
  
As Zam begins jamming, a giant slowly approaches the stadium with a malicious glare.  
  
WOH  
  
Touching you,  
  
WOH  
  
Touching me  
  
WOH  
  
Touching you, god you're touching me  
  
I believe in a thing called love  
  
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart  
  
There's a chance we could make it now  
  
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down  
  
I believe in a thing called love  
  
Ooh!  
  
Just then, the giant's chest cavity fell down. It revealed a fleshy red skin. Just then, ADV tentacles flew out of its body and flew into the stadium's skylight. It descended down to attack the four author inserts. Upon seeing this, Zam, quickly enchanted their instruments with electricity. Zam, Plave and Sho kept the tentacles away by playing their guitars, which fired electricity. When one tentacle got through, Sheo would whack it with his drumsticks. As the song neared the end, Plave raised his hand and everyone could open his wide, open teeth. With the last beat, the three jumped and sent one last HUGE burst of electricity up the tentacles, to the giant, causing it to explode.  
  
Another successful AIKN  
  
Disclaimer: Once again: Ignition (Remix), Yeah, Stayin' Alive, Elephant Love Medley, Tomorrow Comes Today, Chop Suey, Smooth, I Believe In A Thing Called Love and Sayonara Solitia are not mine. Their respective artists own them.  
  
Preview: Konichiwa mina-san! Sullia here! Wow, I didn't know Sho-onichan could dance so well! Wanna hear something weird? Zam-san or his agents didn't appear for the after party. He always comes when beer is involved. I wonder if something happened to him. Anyway, its time to get back to school! Oh! It's parent teacher night! I hope Sho can come I did give him the letter. I want him to meet my teacher and my guidance counselor! They are both very funny people. When my teacher is around, winds blow from all direction, so his classes are always cool! And whenever I go to my guidance counselor's office to bum around, he is always cleaning milk that is spattered all over the office. Funny huh? Oh no! I'm late for work! Oh dear, Shady Guy's probably gonna make me do overtime, inventorying the sex toys again. Next time on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Subchapter 4: Welcome to Sho U! Where we SHOW YOU how its done! 


	13. Subchapter4: Parent Teacher Conference

Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear trademarks are property of Sammy. I don't own any of the characters here.

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske

A Guilty Gear fan fiction by InvaderZam4

...

Subchapter 4: Sho U, where we SHOW YOU how its done.

...

Shady-Sho Porno Store

...

Sullia Tsuzuku, mysterious benevolent side of Sho Tsuzuku was happily working in the store. She is pretty girl in a sailor school uniform. As she innocently worked on the shelves, she made numerous ecchi shots. The usual: arching downwards to show her panty, stretching upward to show her cleavage. It would be every fanboy's fantasy, until they would see what she was arranging. They were CDs. Not any ordinary CDs. Sexy Beach, Brave Soul, Come and See Me Tonight... She was arranging H-games. She hummed happily as she glanced at the clock.

"Ah! I'll be late!"

She rushed to grab her bag and ran out the door.

"Sayonara Shady-san!"

On the counter was the other guy who owned the porno store: Shady Guy. But now, the trench coat and fedora was gone. He was wearing Kenshiro's outfit and had his build as well. The only thing that wasn't Fist of the North Star-ish was the fish mask he was wearing. He was viewing some of the...merchandise...to...inspect their quality! Right, lets go with that!

"Errrrrrr...Goodbye...errrr...SULLIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

He cried out to the girl as his mouth (if you could see it) made a Sylvester Stallone S.

...

Sullia merrily skipped along the busy hi-tech streets of Shou Town. She would have said hi to a couple of her friends along the way, but they were all busy so she decided not to. Shinbo was busy cleaning up the damage from the previous angel attack. DOA Kasumi was dashing off. She has complaints about her job, "Sho's courier service: We get your package there at triple ninja speed or we execute our messengers." But hey, it was better than getting a daily shower of shurikens. The Mugen-Tenshin clan knows that only fools would dare enter Sho Town. Ryoga Hibiki was crying in joy. For the first time in his life, he found his destination without getting lost on the 13th step. Too bad he asked Akane to meet him at a Starbucks. Akane was waiting anxiously on the Starbucks opposite the one Ryoga was in. Himiko had to close her perfume store for the day. There was a riot ever since she opened her line of male attractants, repellants and injurers. All of them sold like pancakes. The monkey poison sold the best of all though. Arcueid was glancing out her apartment's window. She had only recently the invitation to Shou Town, and wasn't even sure if she wanted to stay. Domon Cashew was busy preparing. Gundam Season 23 is about to begin. The Gundams were reduced from weapons of mass destruction to the Town's major sport and betting scam. Ah, gambling. It is how money circulates around Shou Town.

...

Sullia eventually made her way to the school.

SHO U: WHERE WE SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE

She entered the school to greet some familiar faces. Hinata, Natsume (Project Justice), Ukyo (Ranma) and Shinobu (Love Hina) greeted their friend as they entered. Idle chatter went by.

"So you guys wanna grab some cake after class?" asked Sullia

"WAH! I wish I could! But...me and Batsu have to do something" whined Hinata

"I thought you two were fighting?" Ukyo asked. Hinata looked down as everyone else was glaring at Ukyo, who touched a very delicate subject.

"Yeah. Things haven't been going well with the two of us lately. We...are going to see the school's guidance counselor, Dr. Dimension Dance. Everyone suggests that he repairs relationships the best. He might be able to help us. If not...I guess its over..."

Hinata wasn't mindful that the three girls were already beating on Ukyo.

"Besides, Sullia-chan, have you forgotten?" asked Shinobu

"What?"

"Its Parent Teacher Night today!"

"AH! Oh yeah!"

"So... Is your brother coming?" blushed Shinobu. He had a crush on Sho, though Sullia never seemed to notice at all.

"Well...I gave him the letter...but I had better double check anyway."

She whipped out her cell phone and dialed Sho's number.

0916-8447-423-238837-23-4663-67-4-9455-6253-968-783337-862327253-7246

"Wow Sullia-san, your brother has a long number."

"Yeah, he needs to make sure his lines are secure. Besides, he always gives us an easy way to memorize it!"

"Really? How?"

"It's 0916-THIS-HAD-BETTER-BE-GOOD-OR-I-WILL-MAKE-YOU-SUFFER-UNBEARABLE-PAIN"

...

Sho's cell phone played a polyphonic tune of R. Kelly's 'Ignition (REMIX).' Sho's eyes flashed anger as he picked it up.

"I told you NEVER TO CALL ME ON THIS LINE AGAIN!"

He slammed the phone. Then a ringing sound came and Sho flipped his speaker mic forward.

"That's better. What? Parent Teacher Night? I don't recall getting a memo. You left the letter on my desk? Which side, the outgoing or incoming? YES Sullia, there is a difference. You put it under the log I stole from Captain Plave? Don't you know what that's for?! No! I mean...yes it is a paperweight but...fine. I'll be there."

Sho sighed as her put away his second cell.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen. But it seems we have to reschedule."

Sho was in a board meeting. He was on the front. Along the sides of the table were Geese Howard, Gendo Ikari, The Man, Adelheim Crowzer, The Mukhai General, Kain R. Heinlic, Aruku Saki, Gaul and several other evil anime corporate businessmen. What did these evil characters from King of Fighters, Guilty Gear, Evangelion, Garou, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Full Metal Panic and other series want from Sho? Business of course. They all groaned in exasperation.

"Again Sho! This is the third time we have to post pone the meeting!"

"I know! I know! But I have to deal with my own problems before I can deal with other people's problems."

"Sho!" Cried a man called Wayland. "At least give us your decision on the Xenomorph issue!"

"I told you Wayland! There is no way I am funding that project! There is no future in it! Its not like you can control them!" said Sho as he patted his favorite pet Zergling 'Fido' who always stays by his side. "I will not fund further experiments on the Xenomorphs. They're place in my town has already been set and I don't care if you found out that they have two genders!"

"Sho!" cried Geese, his ever-formidable opponent in business. "We all have schedules and will go through hell and back rescheduling another meeting! We cannot leave this room unless we have finished this meeting!"

"Very well." Sho hit a button on his desk. Immediately, a glass wall separated Sho and Fido from the rest of the members of the board. The doors locked as blue mist began gushing into the room.

"Oh no! Sho's trying to cryo us again!"

"Not on my watch!" Cried Geese. "DOUBLE REPPU-"

Too late. The gaseous nitroglycerin had frozen everyone. Geese's reppuken, the wind-like manifestation of his ki, was frozen as well. It almost hit Sho's glass wall. That MIGHT have shattered it. Never underestimate a reppuken.

"I will return soon gentlemen." With that, Sho walked out, Fido behind him.

...

"So, your going to Sullia's PTC?"

"Yes Mature."

"Well, let me drive you."

"That is alright. I can drive myself."

Mature stopped. Her eyes grew wide with shock.

"B...But SIR! You haven't driven since disco went out! Can you still even?"

"Don't worry Mature. It will be good exercise for me."

"V..very w..well...sir..."

Sho and matured got off the elevator at the first floor. The floor was very busy with different anime characters briskly walking and looking busy. You could see Akuma discussing the stock options available with Morrigan Aensland, his broker. M. Bison was crying at one corner. He had starved himself for a month saving his money. Once he got enough, he put it in some bonds, in hopes that he could get enough money to buy his freedom from Sho and what was left of his dignity (recall: Sho had bankrupted Shadow-Law and made M. Bison his lackey boy). His stocks crashed and burned. He now owes Sho five times more than he did before. But there was one person that stood out of the picture. It approached the main information desk where Eden's Bowy's Sakura was sitting, dressed in her usual summer kimono, eyes closed and wore a big smile on her face as always.

"Ohayogozaimas! Welcome to Sho Tower! How can I help you?"

That thing grunted.

"Oh! You are here for Alien season! That's nice!" Sakura was talking to a Predator. The Predators had become close allies of Sho, ever since he beat the crap out of the Elder Predator and smashed his wrist circuits so that he couldn't self-detonate himself.

"RRRRRRRR"

"Okay. I'm am going to have to ask for a few things before I let you in the sewer!" Sho has the weirdest things guarding the weirdest places. "I am going to have to ask for your certificate of manhood from your elder, your Sho Town hunting license, proper permit for all weapons going to be used, Interplanetary Passport, Sho Town Passport and specific predator designation number. Or you could bribe me with a blue print of Alien technology. Please note that we already have the blue prints for the shoulder canon, net gun and harpoon gun. What will it be sir?" said Sakura as she continued to smile

The Predator grunted and shook his finger at her face. He then brought out his "Sho's Seal of Approval", which was basically a badge that showed Sho giving his thumbs up."

"Oh! You are a VIP! Why didn't you say so! Before you go, would you like to avail of our weapon rentals?" said Sakura as she pushed a button. The main information desk was pushed at a wall. One wall flipped aside and revealed dozens of Predator weapons ranging from spears to plasma casters."

The Predator grunted once more.

"I'm sorry that you cannot afford them but our rates stay as they are. Oh well!" Sakura pushed another button. Another wall flipped open to reveal the steps to the sewer. "Happy hunting!"

The Predator descended down the stairs and entered Shou Town's sewer system, which was shaped like a shifting pyramid. He looked up. There was a scoreboard written in the Predator language. His name was just added into the list of players. There were currently 9 participants; the leader has 25 heads already. The Predator pulled out his spear. He had to catch up and fast.

...

Sho stopped at a door called 'cabinet.' Beside the door was a little keypad with a mini-key board.

"So what shall you take sir? The Ferrari? The Porsche?"

"No Mature...I think I shall take the Lady Bug this time."

Sho punched in 'Ladybug' on the little keypad and open the door. What was inside was truly astounding! It was like those tie carousels, except for cars. Cars slowly passed by Sho. Ferrari. Civic. Porshe. Accord. Initial D's car. The Mach 5. The car the pilot of the Daimos rides. Gundam cockpit. Army Jeep. Mission Impossible 2 motorbike. Your Under Arrest's Today. A Taxi. A Crazy Taxi. The Taxi from Roger Rabbit. Finally, the Get Backer's Beetle. Sho climbed in. The car was rotated 180 degrees and the wall opened up to reveal the road Sho reved up the engine.

"Well, see ya Mature."

As he put the clutch in reverse and hit on the pedal...

BOOM!

"Sir, you forgot to put the wheel blades down."

"Why do we have those again?"

"So that no one would steal your car sir..."

"Oh yeah..."

...

Tyr De Luna, ever-faithful ninja/assassin/house boy of Sho, was crouching on top of one of the buildings near Sho Tower. Vice had recently radioed him about Sho going OUTSIDE. The thing is in Sho Town everyone is well informed. So when news about Sho going out of his secure tower hits the streets, his enemies decide to take this opportunity. Hence: huge protests, samurai's challenging at every corner, assassins crouched up in all the rooftops, ninja's crowding the shadows. In short: extra work for him.

Just then, the door to the buildings rooftop opened up. Normally, Tyr would have pointed his trusty Mauser at whoever went in. But he was expecting someone. This man had bushy, spiky hair. His Greco-Roman, crimson armor barely fit him. Though he was wearing a skirt instead of pants, the size of his muscles made you think twice about pointing it out.

"Greetings De Luna."

"Hey Rygar."

"So, why did TENSAIGA scramble us?"

Tyr sighed. For some reason, Sho was only using him to carry out his dirty work. Everyone else was taking orders from the puppet government of TENSAIGA. Hence, Tyr was the only one who knew of Sho's existence.

"To put it bluntly, the guy in the beetle is the guy who owns TENSAIGA. We have to protect him as he goes to SHO U."

Rygar blinked.

"So...the last minute assassin convention was...for...him?"

"Yep."

No one knew how it happened. All of a sudden, there was an assassin convention in town. Skilled Mercenary groups flew in. Weapons dealers closed down their shops to open one in the convention that was being held in town. All of the hotels, motels, apartments, condos and cardboard boxes got booked and all through out town, there were dozens people talking about weapons and killing techniques. It would be a normal day, if there weren't so many people. How did all these assassins know that Sho would step out of his tower and be unguarded? Internet

"Oh Argos...looks like we wont be sleeping tonight!" cried Rygar as he glanced at all the guys waiting around every corner with some sort of weapon or challenge letter. "WAIT! TYR! Won't he be going through this street?"

Rygar pointed out one street that was flooded with Anti-Sho protestors.

"I'll take care of them..." cried Tyr as he reached out for his clothed weapon. Then rygar placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Conserve your bullets. I'll take care of them."

With that, Rygar took out his Disk Armor. Using it, he descended down the building, right in the middle of the angry protestors. He had to clear this street before Sho drove by. No time for negotiations. Shifting to his Heavenly Disk Armor, he began his repeated sweeping circular attacks.

"HYA!"

BRAK. CRACK. CRICK. SMACK. SLICE. POW. SHEEBOGAN. WAPACK. KAPOW. BADABOOM. ANKLE BREAK.

"AHH!"

"OH MY GOD!"

"AIEEE!"

"IT HURTS!"

"MY HEAD!"

"WAS THAT A SHIELD?!"

Rygar was experiencing what only a handful of characters have. Most of them came from Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors and recently the Guilty Gear cast. The relentless killing of canon fodder. Then, with his Disk Armor, he created a vortex, to which numerous more flunkies got caught in and was repeatedly beaten. Rygar swore he saw a cow in the tornado he created. Rygar glanced at his Sho-dar. He was almost at this corner! And there were still one bunch of flunkies left. What could he do?! He didn't have a Disk Armor that could take out that many flunkies so quickly! His summons weren't cheap enough to kill them all. Then, he got a flash of brilliance. Gathering his energy and converting them into his shield...

"Freedom prevails! HYPER CHARGING STAR!"

Rygar's energy rush acted like a bowling ball to the protestors. They began flying all over the place.

...

As Sho drove through a corner, he saw dozens of people lying on the ground groaning, writhing, struggling to get up, barfing, clasping their head and being in a general amount of pain.

"Hmm...Happy hour must be over."

Of course, Sho never established WHEN happy hour was.

...

Meanwhile, while Rygar was clearing a path, Tyr saw several archers and snipers on numerous vantage points. He quickly dropped his Mauser and unsheathed his third weapon, the one in the cloth. It turned out to be none other than the Sega PS3 KILL STICK. Carrying the massive gun onto his shoulders, he fired several energy shots, quickly disabling many of the snipers.

KZAT! KZAT! KZAT! KZAT! KZAT!

Ahhh!!!

My eyes!

So pretty...

Was that a kill stick? Coo...

My hand! Its not supposed to be melting!

So...much...rubble...

No one seemed to mind the massive explosions and big fights. It was a common occurrence in Shou Town. Frankly, more people were concerned if there WASN'T any fighting, screaming, explosions or mass chaos occurring. Peace within chaos. The great paradox of Shou Town.

Tyr then put the PS3 KILL STICK on his back and began roof hopping. He would need a better vantage point to take out the snipers. Man, they were armed with so many diverse weapons. Arctic Sniper Rifle, Sonic Canons, Shurikens, Hand held Ballistae, Technological devices that had such complex mechanisms and elaborate designs that you wouldn't believe that it was a...bow.

He hopped on to the fifth skyscraper. There, a man with a spear who was patrolling saw him.

"NINJA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tyr head got a sweat drop. As the sentry shifted into a fighting stance, Tyr pulled out is third weapon. It was one of Teshu's, from Tenchu, Wrath of Heaven, infamous weapons. A hand-held canon made from bamboo.

"I'm a ninja!" Then Tyr fired.

KABOOM!

The man died form blood loss and a sever case of bamboo-shoots in the heart before he hit the ground. His vantage point being clear, he unsheathed the KILL STICK. He pulled out a Saiyan visor. With it, he saw all the sniper targets.

"Targets located. Targets locked. Armaments ready. I will have Yakisoba today. FIRE!"

KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT KZAT

As Rygar took care of the melee, Tyr would take care of the ranged. They are TENSAIGA'S unbeatable team. They could easily pave Sho's path clear.

...

"I think I'll take the scenic route today."

With that, Sho turned the car around.

...

Something was wrong. According to the Sho-dar, he was moving away from the fastest route to school. Of course! He must be taking the scenic route. With these, the assasins started moving. They wouldn't know where Sho is going, but the know that they had to catch up. They only had one problem. Tyr and Rygar were blocking them.

"Whats the score Tyr?"

"54-56. Your leading by 2."

Tyr pulled out a l3t b33r. Rygar pulled out a goblet with nectar. They both gulped down their favorite drinks. They both finished at the same time and crushed their containers at the same time and let them drop to the floor.

"Hehe. May the best Greco-Roman soldier win!"

"Ph34r m3 f00l..."

With that, the two charged into the numerous canon fodder assassins. They appreciated the fact that all of the assassins were headed their way. They just felt anxious. If there were any other assassins that wasn't camped at Sho's previous route, they wont be able to take care of it...

...

There were only two assassins that still posed a threat to Sho. Mereille and Kirika. Noir wanted Sho dead. Not because they were hired, but because of personal issues. After Sho swindled Noir out of millions of yen, he slept with the leaders wife and called him gay. No one calls the leader of Noir gay. He was pretty pissed about the wife and the money, but not as much as the gay thing. He immediately sent out his two best assassins. Why weren't they at one of the Sho-sniping points, as pointed by one the assassin convention's souvenirs: "So you want to kill Sho Tsuzuku. A detailed pamphlet with assassin etiquette, proper attire, weapons buying guidelines and a detailed map of Shou Town." Mereille found Shou Town's shopping district. After leaving Kirika at a pet store, she lost track of time. But when they were about to go to the sniping points, they saw that Sho had changed his route. With no one else to hog their kill or stop them, they readied their rifles.

Two shots. That what they both needed. One in between his eyes. Another at the engine, to make it look like he was killed in a car accident. They both readied their Arctic Rifles. Mereille aimed for the engine, Kirika aimed for the car. When they both had him in their sights, they waited...

...

and waited...

...

and waited...

Then they fired...

They two twin gunshots pierced the sacred silence of Shou Town. It was like a herald, a warning of things to come.

...

No one knows how powerful Sho's mysterious power of convenience goes. But here is a sample of it.

Kirka fired, aiming at Sho's head.

"HEY! A 100 Yen coin!" Sho bent down to pick up the loose change. The bullet went through the Lady Bug's cushy seats.

Mereille fired, aiming at Sho's engine. Since Kirika failed, she hoped the explosion would do the job.

As Sho raised his head up from picking the nickel, his head conveniently hit a knob labeled, conveniently, 'ejector seat.'

Sho was propelled high into the air. He was surprised to she the Lady Bug explode. Looking down, he saw two girls with rifles. Sho felt aroused at first...then realized what they were. He got ready to intercept.

Then, the two girls cocked their guns and aimed for Sho. Maybe they could still kill him. They fired their desperate shot while he was beginning to descend. Unfortunately, a condor swooped in conveniently in front of Sho. The bird took both shots and fell like a sack of wet potatoes. After saying a few curses to the bird, the reloaded their gun once more. But it was too late. Sho landed on the building, drew out two pistols and pointed it at them. But they were also able to point their guns to him. Doves began fluttering majestically as the two came to an old fashioned Mexican Standoff.

"You realize that this wont end well?" smugly remarked Sho. He was confident in his skills. True, these two were trained assassins and he hasn't practiced his arts in a while. But he still new how to kill these two even in this type of situation. I guess it helps that he was trained in seven styles of Kung Fu, four styles of Karate and one style of interpretive dance. "You two aint leaving this town alive..."

Suddenly, mysterious balls of light began manifesting. They started circling around them, leaving all three baffled. Sho would have taken this opportunity to kill them, but he was curious to what these balls...much like the spirits from FFX, were.

"NO! NOT KIRIKA!"

Sheo Darren, or should I say his spiritual form, popped out of nowhere. Apparently, he was the ball of light. Whenever his three little girls are in danger or in an ecchi situation, he would always be there to save them.

"DON'T WORRY KIRIKA! I'LL SAVE YOU!"

He pounced to get Kirika out of Sho's gunpoint. Unfortunately, Sheo didn't establish what 'save' means. After getting her out of Sho's gunpoint, Sheo's pounce still had enough momentum to...let them fall from the building...which was 35 stories high.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"SHEO-SAN! TASKETEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Sheo couldn't use his will of the word to save them. This wasn't his universe after all. Sho was still trying to find a way for him to use that awesome power even in any universe. But for now, he is as useless as a book is to Zato. Good thing for Sheo, that even in Shou Town, he is covered. From nowhere, Eva unit 00 hand caught them before they gave new meaning to 'paint the town red.'

"REI! Thank God! Get us out of here!"

"hai...sheo-kun..."

...

So, it boiled down to Sho and Mereille.

Sho pointed both pistols to her. Merielle had a god view of both guns and saw what they were. One was untraceable gun from 100 bullets. The guns whose bullets could never be traced. The other one was Gene's Castor Gun. The gun that could fire black holes. She knew that she was outmatched and outgunned but she didn't flinch or blink. At this range, even a flintlock pistol could be fatal. Sho stared her deep in the eyes. He watched his own reflection through her beautiful blue eyes. He closed his eyes. Upon opening them, he stared at her again...this time with the eyes of a demon. He stared with the same stare Sakuragi has. Demon eyes. Just the sheer sight of them instigated unimaginable fear into people. The sight is burned into their memories and they will be doomed to have eternal nightmares of it. Unfortunately for Sho, Merail has seen too much violence, pain and suffering to be afraid of a look. She continued pointing her gun at him, not blinking. The demon eyes, which would have made Kenshiro go around in a Digi-Charat outfit dancing the can-can had no effect on her.

Winds blew, birds cawed, tumbleweeds tumbled by, canon fodder continued to die. The standoff continued.

Seeing this, Sho decided to try a different approach.

"You know...something about a girl with a rifle just seems so...sexy."

Merail twitched her shoulders. Sho took this opportunity to get behind her. He placed his fingers on her chin.

"You shouldn't be in this line of work. That pretty face of yours might get ruined."

Merail was starting to get really uneasy now. She rolled away and pointed the rifle again.

"You should find yourself a good man. With a face and body like yours, they'll be putty in your hands."

Sho smiled. The sun conveniently made his teeth shine.

Merail's knees suddenly got weaker. But she snapped back to reality and pointed her gun at him once again.

"But...if you really want to kill me...take your SHOT..." He ripped open his shirt to reveal his 6-pack abs and washboard packs.

"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

At this sight, Merail squealed like a schoolgirl and fainted.

Sho buttoned up his shirt. He was going to be late. Staring down from the building, he thought 'that's a long way down.' He then jumped from the 35-story building. Even for an author insert, that is a very long fall. A conveniently placed 25-mattress pile broke his fall though. When he got out, he saw a conveniently placed, unlocked, key still inside, Porsche. He took it and continued to Sho U.

...

As numerous flunkies were being killed, cars exploding and assassins being pushed off roofs by foolish authors, there was a totally different situation down at Shou U.

Some of the parents came in early so the PTC started early. Sullia skipped merrily down the corridors, seeing if she could be of help to anyone while Sho-onichan wasn't here yet.

In the Principal Nenene Sumerisigawa's office, the head of the Parent Association was screaming her lungs off.

"HE IS A DISGRACE TO THE SCHOOL AND IS CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN!"

Nenene, as uncaring as always, laid back on her chair.

"Relax Lady. Its not like he is teaching them demon rituals."

"LETS HOPE NOT! THAT...THAT...THAT MAN IS NOTHING MORE THAN A LOUSY TWO-BIT PUNK! HE SHOULDN'T BE A TEACHER!"

"Hey. At least his students have perfect attendance."

The president of the Parent Association was getting tired of this insubordination.

"AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE P.A., I DEMAND YOU FIRE EIKICHI ONIZUKA RIGHT NOW!"

Nenene was getting pretty sick as well.

"And as Sho Tsuzuku's personal friend, I SUGGEST that you SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

She was taken aghast.

"Why you little..."

"Listen here woman, in this town, no one has power UNLESS Sho gives it to them. Onizuka and myself were personally invited. That makes us advanced citizens. Now, unlike you, who MOVED here because you know it is the safest place in the WORLD, we can do what we want as long as we fulfill our duties to Sho and Shou Town. May I remind you that HE doesn't like that behavior and you LIFE in this town depends on HIS inclination towards you!"

All this time, Nenene was pointing to the different cameras scattered all over the room.

"Are you saying this Town is ruled by some tyrant?!"

"No. I lied actually. None of that crud about advanced citizens is true." Replied the principal, leaning back again. "But I still ain't firing Onizuka. Good bye."

From the window, a huge paper hand broke in, grabbed the woman and flung her away.

"You can come out now Eikichi."

A man fell flat from the ceiling, dressed in a poorly made ninja outfit. Onizuka took off the mask. He stood in straight position, trying to feign professionalism. Toi bad it was hard to take anyone in a tattered ninja costume seriously.

"Ehem. Thank you for standing up for me, Principal."

"You were going to do the German Suplex on her if I didn't do that wouldn't you?"

His face turned red.

"No...Ehehe. Is there anyway, I can repay you?"

"Well there is one way..."

With that, Nenene cleared her table and sat on it. Onizuka purred as he went to her.

...

Meanwhile, at Shou U's guidance office, Batsu and Hinata were in the middle of their session with the local school counselor: Dr. Dimension-Dance, or as many called him, D3. He is a tall man with curly brown hair. His eyes are always closed and always wears a smile on his face. He has a friendly aura over him. He wears a long flowy lab-coat. Under that, he just wears a black shirt and jeans. They were seated in separate chairs and faced D3's table. They had just finished all the usual psychology exercises, dream interpretation, role-playing, relating their problem and were asking him for advice. D3 scratched his temple and shifted his glasses. He stood up and circled around them.

"You two are still YOUNG and INEXPERIENCED in your FRESH relationship. You have been THROUGH a lot, I know. The Project Justice events must have been PAINFUL for both of you. But I know this made you two CLOSER and BONDED you two as well. But you shouldn't RUSH things TOO FAST. Take the time to UNDERSTAND each other. Learn about EACH OTHER. LEARN the other's PAINS, PLEASURES, DESIRES and personality. You two have ERECTED such BEAUTIFUL lives! You should SHARE it with one another. But don't be afraid to EXPLORE the different possibilities. Take things NICE and SLOW. Just don't RUB EACH OTHER the wrong way."

D3 began rubbing his temples again.

"I'm just going OUT for some water. I'll be back soon."

As soon as he stepped out, Hinata and Batsu stared each other in the eyes. There was an uneasy tension between them. It was almost...erotic.

When D3 came back, he had...er...successfully solved their relationship problems with...explosive results. That is D3's great curse. He means well and wishes to help other people with their problems. But he has a mysterious power. Everything he says is so subliminal that it would eventually lead to...copulation. Making him a great marriage therapist, much to his dismay since he desires to be a school counselor instead.

D3 had to spend PTC night cleaning up after Hinata and Batsu. But he was already used to cleaning things up. This happened to him...a lot

...

Sullia entered her classroom.

"Konichiwa mina-san!"

Everyone greeted her. Everyone was busy decorating the room for the parents/guardians. On the table, her teacher was seated. He was a young teacher. You would probably mistake him for a student. He was a tall man with black hair that was styled much like Selphie Tilmits. His glasses seemed to complement his open smile. He was dressed in a blue polo and khaki jeans. He was a kind teacher. He had a professional demeanor, but retained an aura of openness, much like D3s. He was busy with some paperwork for the PTC. Sullia skipped merrily towards him.

"Konichiwa! Akasel-sensei!"

"Ah! Sullia! Good thing you are here! Is your brother coming?"

"Hai!"

"That's good. Could you help Shinobu with the decorations?"

"Yokhai!"

As she skipped to join Shinobu, who was busy getting everything ready for PTC (especially for Sho), two girls walked towards Akasel-sensei.

"Akasel-sensei, we are just going out for some juice okay?"

"Very well girls. Be sure to be back soon."

The girls giggled as the headed straight for the door. Akasel couldn't help but smile. A display of youthful exuberance always made him smile. He enjoyed the way the two girls were so close to each other, chatting away without a care in the world. It was time like this that made him have hope for this town. He wasn't exactly approval of Sho's way of running things. He would leave, but he has his own reasons for staying. Anyway, it was time like this that gave him hope for this town, which was filled with such depravity and moral lacking.

Just as his was about to shift his attention back to the papers, the windows tore open and huge gales flew into the room. Everyone screamed at the sudden burst of wind. Papers flew, materials fell and Akasel stared in shock as he saw the skirts of the two girls flip up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" he screamed as he fell on his back. Immediately, the winds stopped. Everyone rushed to his side.

"Akasel-sensei! Akasel-sensei! Daijubu?"

"He's not answering. Maybe he hit his head?"

"We should take him to the nurses office!"

"Why bother?"

"Sullia-san! Can you heal him?"

"HAI! Just leave it to me!"

She leaned down. A white circle began emanating from her hands and spreading throughout Akasel's body. They could vaguely hear him mutter.

"Blue...Pink..."

...

Numerous other mishaps happened while Sho was on his way. A few assassins were able to break through Rygar and Tyr. One of them was a noble samurai who had a grudge against Sho. When he saw the Porsche coming his way, he drew out his sword and in an honorable tone...

"Shot Tsuzuku! The formal demon! I challenge you!"

Too bad Sho wasn't honorable. He didn't slow down.

"Huh?"

WAPAK

Another sniper was posted on another one of the buildings. Sho was coming his way and his rifle was ready. He from his vantage point, he had a clear shot, much like Lucy Liu did in Kill Bill. He was just waiting for the precise moment...

Meanwhile, Sho threw out his cigarette from his car into a trashcan...that had open bottles of booze in it. It exploded, sending the trashcan flying up to the stratosphere.

The moment was almost perfect. With one shot, he could end his reign of terror forever! As he began to squeeze on the trigger, the trash can fell...

CLANG

...right on his head. Dazed, he staggered around for a while, until ultimately falling off the 35-storey building.

A pack of ninjas began chasing after him. They moved through the trees and buildings fearful agility and speed. They were trying to catch up to Sho, and were successful. There was around 12 of them jumping, running and tree hopping at almost the near reckless speed Sho was driving. When they were almost at the bumper, they drew out their weapons. They planned on slashing the tires and killing him. They became focused on reaching the car. Then Sho drove into a tunnel .The twelve splattered into the wall where the tunnel went through like road kill.

"We...have...failed in our duties..."

The last one was something entirely ridiculous. A man blocked Sho's path to the school. He pulled out a massive proton canon. He apparently didn't go for finesse. He began charging it and readied to turn Sho into particles of dust. As the charging up was complete, a bird perched on the proton canon and pecked on the delicate parts of the canon, causing it to backfire.

...

Sho U is your typical high school. A clear white building with numerous floors. Windows shimmer on every floor. A dirt road is in between the building and the gate. A forest surrounds the school, starting from the walls. Cars are parked all over the road to the school.

As the Lady Bug arrived at the school's front door, people scrambled. Everyone lined up in a neat line and a red carpet was rolled in front. When Sho stepped out, the valet came and parked he car. Little flower girls came in front and showered his steps with flower petals. Two scantily clad female teachers escorted Sho into the building. He didn't seem to mind.

At the front of the door, Sullia popped out.

"Oni-can!" she screamed as she glomped on her brother, taking him away from the teachers.

"You made it!"

"Yeah. Yeah. I did." He said as he placed his hand on her head, like a cat. "C'mon, lets get this over with."

...

Tyr was able to make his way to the school, after dispatching the last members of the assassin's convention. Rygar stood guard at the door as he stealthily made his way through the shadows. He was hiding in one of the trees, watching Sullia and Sho enter the school. He would guard from the shadows. It was perfect: he had the element of surprise. No one would suspect the bodyguard was waiting in the...

"Hello Tyr..."

He froze in shock. He was petrified. How could anyone find where he is? If someone did, then there is no knowing how many other people knew? Has he lost his advantage? Is his life in danger now? How ironic, a bodyguard is in danger. His stalker came side to side to him. She had long luxurious black hair which was bound with many black strings. She was wearing a typical sailor school uniform, but the numerous accessories gave it a goth appeal. Her sleepy eye stared at the sight he was beholding.

"Looks like he made it in okay." When Tyr realized who it was, he unfroze.

"Hello Miho."

The zombie girl took a look at Tyr from head to toe.

"Busy day?"

"Yes."

"Must be hard. Protecting someone whose has a meter on his bounty."

"It's a job. What are you doing her anyway?"

"No reason. I just thought I'd torment Largo a little longer, but he left. Saying something about evil badgers."

"I see."

Silence passed by as the two of them stared towards the crowd a little longer.

"Miho?"

"Yes Tyr?"

"After this, would you like to go out and kill some canon fodder?"

That was Tyr's version of asking a girl out on a romantic date. It seemed ot pay off though. The goth girl blushed.

"Sure Tyr. I'd like that..."

blushed? BLUSHED?! That wasn't like Miho. No one knows what she is. The most popular rumor seems to say that she is a vampire that feeds off emotions. Which would explain why she seems weak around Ping all the time. Ping, who shows off so much exuberance and energy, is nothing more than a computer acting off on a preprogrammed database of reactions and commands. This would explain her reactions to Tyr. Tyr, a seemingly stoic killer who kills without remorse. I guess that fact alone would make Miho like him. Couple that with the fact that he is Ping's reverse. He shows no emotions but is actually hiding most of it. Maybe it is all this repressed emotions is what makes Miho feel...alive around him...

...

Walking down the corridors, you would never suspect that these two were siblings. Sullia, with a happy, genki, expressions on her face, her greenish, Ami Mizuno-ish hair bouncing around and Sho, his face was as cold as the virgin snow half of his hair and his aura was as black as the raven-half. They eventually came into the classroom.

"Hai! Here we are onichan!"

She opened the door. There were girls ready to greet Sho. Akasel-sensei was at his table with an ice pack on his head. There were other parents there as well, but they decided to let Sho go first. They had just recently found the body of the 'God' of Mugenjo. It was something you would see on They did not want that happening to them.

Akasel stood up to greet Sho and extended his arm.

"Mr. Tsuzuku. I finally have the privilege of meeting you."

Sho shook his hand. Good, firm grip. He could usually tell a man by his hand's grip and heartbeat. He passed the first one. Sho also felt the pulse of Akasel through his hands. Usually, when someone meets Sho, their hearts go...

DUBDUB..DUBDUB..DUBDUB..DUBDUB.. DUBDUB.. DUBDUB.. DUBDUB.. DUBDUB..

He could almost dance to it. But when he felt Akasel's...it was like...

DUBDUB..... DUBDUB..... DUBDUB..... DUBDUB..... DUBDUB..... DUBDUB.....

Most intriguing.

"As well."

They both took their seats.

"Sullia is a very good student, there is nothing wrong with her... She gets straight As, she is very sociable and gets along well with everybody, she participates in many school activities. You must be very proud..."

Sho just gently shook his head. Even though he, Sullia and Samael were just three parts of the same person, both he and Samael still looked upon Sullia as a younger sister, who had to be protected. Though she is the weakest of the three, they never considered her as such.

"One thing concerns me though..." Akasel said anxiously as he shifted around to feel more comfortable. "She works at your...porno store?"

"Yes she does. She likes to keep herself busy. Also, I am training her at this early age to handle business. She may one day inherit the very ground you tread upon."

"Well, what you do outside school hours in none of our concern...but don't you think working at a porno store could...degrade her morals?"

"Are you telling me she is a whore?" Sho asked as his eyes flared up in anger. Suddenly, a great wind busted into the classroom once again.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! no! that is not what I am saying!"

"I think that's what your saying..." the winds blew harder and now was flowing throughout the whole school.

"Please! Mr. Tsuzuku! That is not what I am saying!" strange for some one of his massive height to be intimidated by Sho.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm just saying that...working at...such a store could make her have wrong ideas about sex and expose her to some dangerous things, which she might not be ready yet!"

"So your telling me she's weak." The winds that began dying down became torrential again.

"NO! I'm not saying anything wrong about Sullia! I'm just saying that there could be some long term damage on her if she works at an...adult store!"

"Oh. I see." Akasel breathed a sigh of relief. The winds began dying down. The girls let go of their skirts. They were afraid of them flying up, like what happened a while ago.

"So you are telling me I am a bad guardian?"

"NO!" A freak tornado popped outside of the school. The winds blew in quickly and the girls gave Akasel-sensei a little US. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" Akasel-sensei fainted once again.

"Hmph. I guess were done here. Sullia! Were going."

"Hai onichan."

Suddenly, the door swooped open. Everyone stared in shock, disbelief, fear or indifference at the new comer. It was impossible! The defenses of the town were impregnable. How did he get in? The man stared at Sho and Sullia.

"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooo brother!"

"Fuck. What do you want Samael?"

Samael Tsuzuku stood at the doorway. He was dressed in his usual Chinese robes. He entered the room. Everyone in the room, save the Tsuzukus, began shaking in fear. Everyone knows whenever these two get together, all hell breaks loose. Samael faced his brother, looking down upon him.

"How did you get in?"

"It was easy without your power of convenience protecting the town." Samael recalled the past time he had charged into town. Each time, he was thwarted by the power of convenience.

Try 1:

He came flying into Shou town, aiming for the top of Sho Tower, where his hated brother was. A passing gundam made him road kill.

Try 2:

He dashed through the buildings. Akuma was cooking his fish on top one of the many 35-storey buildings. Samael accidentally tipped it over. Akuma became raging, demon, cyborg Akuma and sent him to hell where little demons poked at him with pitchforks. He could still feel the one they stabbed at his butt.

Try 3:

He walked through the streets, trying to blend in. He stopped to look at his map. He leaned back at an electronics store with several TVs on display. They were all showing different channels. Then they all shifted to a special 'news bulletin.' It went like... "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN! HUGE REWARDS FOR HIS CAPTURE. DEAD OR ALIVE" It flashed his face for everyone to see. Shou Town is like Korea, every man, woman and child can kill. They brought out weapons from Ak-47s to Zweihanders, from Kandamas to yoyos, from naginatas to frying pans.

Try 4:

He was planning on a full out, gigantic ki blast obliterating the town and hopefully Sho tactic, his favorite. He began gathering energy as he stood at the town's city limits, far from where anyone would see him. He gathered all his energy into a small ki ball, smaller than his fist. But when it would be released, it would engulf the entire town. He kept charging...and charging... and charging... Then a cloaked Predator ship landed on him.

Try 5:

Samael had enough he went dashing at his full speed towards Shou Town. He would destroy anything and everything that stood in his way. Unfortunately, that was the day marked "Zergling Exercise Day" Those that do not wish to have a very slow, bloody, dismembered and painful death do not move out of the town. Samael didn't even make it to the city limits.

Now, without Sho at the greatest vantage point, he was free to waltz into town.

"Like I said, what the fuck do you want Samael?" Sho gruffly said. Everyone was beginning to back away.

Samael shrugged. Same reason as you.

"To make the greatest porn movie ever made?"

"Among other things..."

"Then what?"

Samael pointed to the board. There was a big PTC labeled on it.

"Do I have to remind you that I am Sullia's guardian as well?!"

Samael and Sho had joint guardianship of Sullia. For the first six months, she would spend her days with Samael and Mancervantes. For the other six months, she would spend it with Sho. Life with Samael was very different. For one, they were always traveling. She spent more time with Mancervantes than he did with Samael. Mainly because Samael would shoo her away everytime he has to take care of...business. On the up side, she saw a lot of author universes and their many wondrous splendors...until Samael found a way to destroy it. Sullia's room in Sho Tower is much like Ryoga Hibiki's room, it is filled with the many souvenirs that she collected from the many author universes she has been to.

Sho wasn't too happy about being reminded of this.

"This should be a victory then. This is the first time you ever came a gathering of people where you didn't blow e everything up. Or are you just waiting?"

"Don't flatter yourself Sho. I came here for Sullia. I know you never have time for her. I'm amazed on how you even remember today is her PTC day. Or did she have to remind you?"

"Well, at least I don't put her in mortal danger or make a bounty on her head in every universe I've been to."

Samael controlled his anger.

"Well, at least I act more like a brother to her than a CREDIT CARD. And I don't force her to arrange sex toys all day."

"Yeah, too bad you STEAL everything you need!"

"I TAKE GOOD CARE OF SULLIA!" cried Samael. In his background, there were dozens of pictures of Ifrits getting ready for battle.

"DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH!" shouted Sho. In HIS backgrounds, there were dozens of pictures of Shiva getting ready to battle.

Everyone, in the room, braced themselves and made peace with their gods.

Then Sho and Samael started beating on each other...like Hale and Dr. Clive from Hale Nochi Guu.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

BRAK KRAK POW BASH BIF POP POW WAK WAPAK BRAK KRAK SHEBOGAN KREBAK BRACK SUSHI SUKIYAKI BANZAI HEAVEN OR HELL DIE FIRST LETS ROCK SHEIKSIDAN OUGI TYRANTS RAVE TEN MIN HAN POTEMKIN BUSTER REPPUKEN HADOKEN HAR-YOU-KEN SURE-YOR-KEN YEAH IM KEN

Everyone was dumbfounded. They thought that they would be in the afterlife by now. But here they were, the two most feared men in the fanfic continuum, beating on each other like cartoon characters. The only thing missing was the dust cloud. Sullia was sitting down, reading a book. Apparently , these things spats happen often. When they started fighting, she stood up.

"Okay you two, that's enough."

Instantly, the two stopped wailing on each other to look at Sullia. Sure, they hated each other, but Sullia always came first. Then they say that each other was left open. They took advantage of this once in a life time chance and gave each other a good whack on the chin. This sent them both flying upwards like the head of those Rock-em Sock-em dolls. The force of both their punches left them embedded in the ceiling. Sullia sighed.

"Sho-onichan, I'm going to go home now okay?" she went home at the porno shop.

She could barely hear Sho though the cracks.

"Okay..."

"Nice to see you again Samael-onichan! See you at New Years!"

"Take care...Sullia."

Sullia skipped merrily out of the room. She didn't let her brother's spats get to her. They happened so often it looked cute to her. If she only knew how intense they got. The two just dangled there for a while, until they ripped themselves out of the ceiling. They glared at each other for a while...and went their separate ways. Except for AIKN, this was the only time he two brothers could act like anime brothers. Tommorow, Samael would be back, plotting against Sho's life and Sho will be there, thwarting him even before he comes near Shou Town. To Samael, it was his brother that posed the biggest threat to him. When he is gone, he can begin an onslaught throughout the fanfic continuum. With the leader of the hexagon gone, no one could stop him.

...

Meanwhile, back at the porno store...

Shady Guy was watching another CD. The 'merchandise' was actually a documentary made some time ago...

The Kanon Society is a group dedicated to the protection of original stories. They believe that the stories made by the artists should not be modified and perfect the way it is. They greatly support original stories but openly oppose fan fiction. They believe than fans should not waste their precious imaginations on what other people wrote but should create their own stories. They are appalled at the number of fan fictions out there in the Internet. Leaded by the mysterious K-Lord, they are out to stop all of the fan fictions they can. They are not to be taken lightly as they have powers that can equal, sometimes even surpass author powers.

Shady Guy leaned back to his easy chair. He wondered if the people interfering with Zam's universe were not Samael Tsuzuku, but...the Kanon Society themselves? He felt uneasy. True Zam was almighty and a member of the hexagon, but...he wondered if he could take on the Kanon Society himself?

...

Shady Guy hated feeling anxious and serious so he popped in another porno CD.

Preview of the next chapter: DAMN YOU MISTERJERK! How dare you hurt my precious KY! I am going to break proto-Justice of yours into scrap metal! Then I'll chop you! Dice you! Fry you! Smash you! Grid you! Beat you! Bake you! Bury you! Dig you up! Piss on you! And after all that...MAYBE I'll forgive you... GRRRRR!!!! Just you wait! May crew! Lets go kick some ass!

...

Edits: Oh my...Zam has strange pairings doesn't he?

Trademark: Indeed. Of all the despicable fanfics, not to say that some aren't, he has the strangest pairings.

Internet: Really? I for one thought Miho looks good on Tyr...

Law-Shark: But Eikichi Onizuka and Nenene Sumeresigawa? Very strange...

Creator: Well, let that be out further motivation. Destroy author universes to stop stupid pairings!

K-Lord: In any case, Creator, how has the army fairing?

Creator: I'm just adding another hundred million just to be safe.

Law-Shark: What? But with the army we have now, not even Sheo Darren's Will Of The Word could stop us! He would tire before he erased a QUARTER of the army!

Trademark: Remember, we are aiming for 120% chance of victory to succeed. We cant take any chances.

Edits: Indeed. Even if he himself has not amassed an army, and in a coma, Zam is a tricky one...

Internet: Still though, this is an impressive army...I can see why Zam sealed them...

K-Lord: Continue the preparation. Time is of the essence...


	14. Final Chapter: Hope

Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear trademarks and names are property of Sammy. I don't own any of the characters, except for maybe the ones I invented. But I don't want to be caught up in all that trademark red tape so I'll just disclaim everyone. And the song is owned by Sting. Please don't sue me...

The Misadventures of Ky Kiske

A Guilty Gear Fanfiction by Invader-Zam4

...

Final Chapter: Hope

...

The Mayship made a rough water landing. Thankfully, the floatation device came out on time and the ship was able to stay above water. They can finish repairs and the ship will be airborne again. But now, nothing was stopping the massive proto-justice from wrecking havoc to the entire world! Or what's left of it anyway. Misterjerk and Grant are inside the head, enjoying their first victory and excited at the prospect that the proto-justice's potential. It would only be a matter of time until the whole world is at their knees. From within the Mayship, one last vessel took off in defiance to the massive behemoth. It was a simple carrier ship, to one use to transport the FRB. What was clinging to it was not though. Instead of the FRB, Jam was clinging under the ship with Olivia, Steph and July. These brave girls are what are standing between the Proto-Justice and the nearest town.

"Jam, with the amount of firepower that thing has, I wont be able to provide air support!"

"That's alright Jan, just get close enough to drop us."

"YOKHAI!"

The brave ship zoomed forward to the P-J's chest cavity.

"Hmmmm? It looks like we have another fly to swat."

"Misterjerk-sama, allow me to take care of them. You must conserve the ammo of the Proto-Justice."

"HAHA! No worries Grant! The power supply of this thing is a forbidden magi-tek circuit that draws power from the sun!"

"You mean those towers that surround the chest cavity are..."

"Magi-tek Solar Panels. They can store a weeks worth of power in a few hours in a sunny day!"

"But I thought all the traces of efficient power sources such as hydro-power and solar power were destroyed by most gasoline corporate organizations?"

"True, The Man, who was also the leader in renewable power sources research was first attacked by the Holy Knights sponsored by Texaco, Caltex and Shell, which would explain why they were Muslim crusaders. But remember, Grant, this project was long abandoned before the attacks began!"

"So we have the only source of cheap, renewable power... Misterjerk-sama, wouldn't it have been wiser if we just got the solar panels and reproduced them and make millions?"

"Grant, we would be helping the world that way. And you know how I'm allergic to that."

"Well, true..."

"Besides, there would be no explosions."

"I see..."

"In any case. ALL BACK WEAPONS OPEN FIRE!"

Several gatling guns came out and open fired.

"Oh no! What are we going to do?!"

"Ms. Jam! Can you hear me?"

"August?"

"Use the blue button of the FRB!"

Jam did so. Suddenly, a blue force field appeared surrounding the plane. As the bullets approached, the swerved so as not to hit the blue shield that enveloped them. Grant and Wendy were astounded.

"Unbelievable!" cried Ms. Misterjerk. "They used electromagnetism and created a reversed polarity so as to force the bullets to avoid them!"

"What's even more unbelievable is the fact that the gatling guns weren't shooting bullets. They were shooting energy rounds..."

"ARGH! DAMN PLOT HOLES! So be it. If the bullets didn't work, maybe THIS WILL! FIRE THE VULCAN!"

The head of the FRB turned 360degrees to face the lonely May Plane. The, from the sideburns, two laser canons appeared and started shooting the May Plane at the rate of a machine gun.

"OH NO!"

"JAN! EVASIVE ACTION!"

The small ship swerved just in time as the laser streams passed them. But it was too late. One of the beams hit the wings and ignited it.

"I've lost control!"

"Just get us to the chest cavity!"

Jan flew valiantly and got as close as she could. When they were close enough, the four girls jumped from the plane.

"This is all I can do! Good luck!"

With that Jan, and all hopes of retreat, flew away. The four girls stood there, still crouched.

"Alright girls..." said Jam as she stood up. "These guys ordered a bowl full of WHOOP ASS that I intend on delivering AND being the 180th generation inheritor of the Anything Goes Style 'Its Fast Or Its Free' delivery martial arts, I INTEND TO!"

...

FINAL MISSION

STOP THE PROTO-JUSTICE

Take out the solar pillars around the Proto-Justice to deactivate it. Use the taser target to take out the pillars you can't reach

MISSION START-O

...

Jan ran around the chest and saw the first solar pillar. Wrapping her arms around the solar pillar, she stretched with all her might. All those years carrying orders for whole Chinese families paid off. With all her might she was able to rip the pillar out of the socket, toss it in the air, do a handstand, propel her self, kick the pillar and laugh manaically.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

...

"CRAP! She got the first pillar!"

"I'll send out the Robo-minions!"

Grant pushed a button labeled "FLY MY PRETTIES! FLY! EHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

...

Suddenly, doors throughout the entire chest cavity opened and thousands upon thousands of sentai bad guys came out of the doors. They were an endless army.

"AHHH! JAM-CHAN! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!"

"Oh no...darling....give me strength..."

Jam prayers were answered as the thousands upon thousands of sentai bad guys could only march...in one direction. This evidently led to them falling of the chest.

"..."

"Grant, maybe you should have used the anti-body sentries instead..."

"Right away, Misterjerk-sama..."

...

New robots came out to the chest cavity. They were bulky, slow moving, but very deadly. Kind of like the Borscht in the ruins chapter. They were wide machines with a mysterious purple alloy. They stood on rocky Mech-Warrior like legs. They had massive claws for arms that almost reached the ground. They had a great big cylinder with a spike for a head. And there was one big flashing red circle in the middle of it. It moved bulkily, but with a fearful swiftness. They all began moving towards the girls. The red eyes glared with a malevolent luster as it approached them...

"Oh no..."

"I don't think these guys will fall of the edge..."

"They're small fry! Leave them to me!"

"Steph! WAIT!"

But it was too late. The loose canon martial arts girl started running towards one of the machines. It began analyzing her moves with disturbing precision. Then Steph jumped ad extended her foot to smash the red light.

"HIYA! ITEGEKIISTATS!!!!!"

Suddenly, the one of the now swarming robots, particularly the one Steph was aiming for, caught her in mid-air. Then, wasting no time, threw her into the chest wall.

CLANG

PRE...DIC...TA...BLE

Now the robots were about to swarm pool, old Steph.

"OH NO!"

"JAM-SAN! DO SOMETHING!"

"Right..."

The girl began gathering all of her fan girl power to one gigantic ball. And just to make things dramatic, she began the martial language. Her ki began flaring like a beacon...

"I AM INVINCIBLE! NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN ME! WITH THIS ONE BLOW, I SHALL END ALL FOES! THE EARTH SHALL TREMBLE AT MY MIGHT! BEHOLD! THE TECHNIQUE THAT WAS DEVELOPED BY 6000 YEARS OF AMAZON TRAINING! ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL OF MARTIAL ARTS 'ITS FAST OR ITS FREE' ULTIMATE ATTACK...!"

Then one of the robots shot her with an eye laser.

KABOOM!

"AAAAHHHH!"

"JAM-SAN!"

Olivia was able to catch her before she fell into the water. Suddenly, Steph was thrown where they were. Then the robots began surrounding them and charging their eyes. They wee going to start a firing squad death.

"SAY YOUR PRAYERS! YOU BOY TOY LOVING THUGS!" screamed Misterjerk.

"NO ONE CALLS US THUGS!" screamed July. "TAKE THIS!" she jumped high into the air and threw small capsules at the robots. They were magical fire bombs.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

...

"Silly girl!" mocked Misterjerk "The alloy on those robots cannot be dented by mere explosives!"

"Uh...Ms. Misterjerk...?"

"What Grant?"

Grant pointed to the monitor, which showed some of the robots that fell of the edge. The laugh program was initiated.

HA...HA...HA...HA

"What the hell? Grant! What were these robots based off?"

"If the user friendly guide to the proto-justice is correct, those robots were combots...

"And whose fighter data did they input in it?!"

"The undisputed and most undeniable king of fighters. Geese Howard."

The megalomaniac girl's blood froze.

"Oh shit..."

...

"So..." Jam thought as she finally got up the chest again. "They are vulnerable to a long fall eh?"

"EVERYONE! TRY TO GET THEM TO FALL AS WE ADVANCE TO THE NEXT PILLAR!"

"YOKHAI!"

The four girls made a mad dash. July threw more of her bombs. Steph used ground projectiles to tip them off. Olivia used a magical shotgun. More and more robots began falling. Their repeated mockery of their own vertical demised echoed across for miles. Then they reached the next pillar. Again, with her maniacal laugh and flip kick throw, Jam ripped it out.

"NEXT!"

The path to the next pillar was swarming with more Geese bots. They charged their eyes and stood ready to fire.

"Not this time!" screamed Jam.

She brought out a bowl of noodles. Then with the secrets of her martial arts, used the noodles like threads and threw them over board.

HA...HA...HA...HA... HA...HA...HA...HA...

HA...HA...HA...HA... HA...HA...HA...HA...

HA...HA...HA...HA... HA...HA...HA...HA...

Jam rushed to the next pillar and ripped it out as well. Once again, a swarm of Geese bots blocked their path to the next pillar.

"Leave them to me Jam-san!" cried the gun girl Olivia.

She stood in front of them and brought her greatest weapon, the gun-chucks!

"WHAAAAAAAAATATATATATATATA!"

She began doing Bruce Lee stuff only she was shooting. If your having trouble imagining, try to download the preview of Devil May Cry 3 and take a look at one of Dante's moves, the 'Fireworks.' Regardless, Olivia was able to push them off the edge.

(insert Geese's laugh here, only more)

"Okay, that takes care of the chest cavity, lets get the ones in the shoulder blades!"

The girls jumped and climbed up to the upper cavity, where the head was. The Geese bots couldn't follow them. Jumping never was one of Geese's specialties. As the girls got up, they were face to face with one of the pillars.

"LUCKY!" cried Jam as she wrapped her arms around the pillar.

"NOT SO FAST BOY BAND FAN ON STERIODS!"

The head suddenly turned towards them and fired a charged energy blast from its head.

"DODGE!"

Everyone dodged in time.

"BAKA!" cried Jam "YOU DID OUR WORK FOR US!"

Silence. As the dust cleared, the four girls stared in horror to see that the pillar was still standing. Then the head turned towards them and fired.

"RUN!"

The girls ran around the shoulder but the head kept chasing them, charging an energy blast and trying to obliterate them.

"Run as fast as you can! I got all day..."

Jam had enough running. After they were able to dodge against another energy blast, Jam used this delay and rushed the head.

"FOR MY KY AND ALL THE BROCOLI YOU FED US!"

But Jam was repelled. After her body had bounced off the ground a couple of times, Jam saw it. Hexagonal force fields covered the head. As long as there was power, the head was invincible. Jam recovered quickly. The head faced them again, it begun charging and the girls begun running. All save Jam.

"JAM-SAN! RUN!"

"TOO LATE YOU SECOND RATE CHEF! SEE YOU IN HELL!"

The head fired. The gigantic blast would have incinerated Jam. But she was anticipating this. She quickly used her dragon kick to move out of the way and get her to one of the pillars. She recovered and wrapped her arms around it.

"WHAT! NO!"

She ripped another one out.

"ARGH! TAKE THIS!"

The sideburns brought out the lasers once again. It began shooting at them. All the girls could do was try to avoid the machine gun lasers.

"HAHAHA! DANCE FOR ME! C'MON GIRLS! KEEP DANCING CAUSE I'M A REAL GOOD AIM!"

"Is that right?" cried July as she threw a flash grenade at the head.

BOOM!

"AAHH! CANT SEE!"

"NOW JAM!"

Jam dashed and was able to rip out two before Misterjerk began an all out barrage on them with lasers and charged shots. They began dodging and circling the shoulder.

"THERE ARENT ANYMORE SOLAR PILLARS! HOW CAN THIS THING STILL BE MOVING?!" cried July as they made that observation.

There weren't any pillars left. Jam started panicking. Was the plan wrong? But she knows that these were the power supply. Maybe she was wrong...NO! The one thing Ky taught her was to have hope, hope in other people, in kami-sama and most of all, to your self! She had hope in him and he came for her. She needed to have hope in the information she got. But where was the last one she asked herself as she stared at the behemoth's head. Then from, the tip of the spike head, a glimmer of light appeared. THAT'S IT!

She stopped and unsheathed the FRB arm she was carrying in her back she brought out the laser pointer and aimed up. The head was about to face her. Then she fired a taser target. It went past the force field and hit what seemed to be an antenna.

"Go get it girls!" cried Jam as she barely rolled out of the energy fury's way.

Not knowing why, they girls obeyed. They kicked off and climbed the force field until they got to the top. Then they did some Charlie's Angel's moonsaults and landed on top of the head. Apparently, the force field was cylindrical, not spherical. Then the three girls saw what the taser target was pointing at. The last pillar was on the head. The three grabbed the pillar and with all their might, ripped it off. The whole proto-justice went to a system shut down.

...

"ARGH! STUPID WINDOWS 98! GET BILL GATES IN HERE! I WANT TO SHOOT HIM!"

"Ms. Misterjerk, he's been dead for a couple of years now. It seems we have lost."

"Those...those little brats! I'll get them for this! Divert all remaining power to the head and activate the escape sequence! They will pay!"

...

The girls breathed in a sigh of relief but their fight wasn't over yet. The head detached itself from the body and began floating. It then faced the girls and began another barrage on them. The quickly dodged but it began pursuing them.

"ITS NOT OVER YET! ATTACK-U!"

Jam began circling the head while firing the FRB's arm. The head would counter with missiles, which they were able to dodge well. Jam continued dodging the barrage and kept firing with the arm.

Finally, the force field was gone and Jam used the taser target on the head, signaling for the three girls to attack.

"YAY!"

July began throwing more bombs, Olivia started going Rambo and Steph began whacking on it. Smoke began coming out of the head.

"YATTA!"

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"

Jam mustn't have noticed them fly off since she was aiming with the taser target, but a barrage of missiles suddenly fell upon Jam.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

"AAAAHHHH!"

"Jam-san! Are you alight?" cried the girls as they went by her side.

"FOOLS! DIE!" cried Misterjerk. The head was already facing them and ready to fire. "FARE THE WELL..."

"NO!" cried Jam. The head launched the giant energy ball. Jam mustered up all of her tension and did her giant ki ball to counter it. The ki ball protected her, the girls and nullified the energy ball, but it drained her as well. She fell limp to the ground.

"HMPH. USELESS." The head began charging again. "DIE."

But before the decisive blast could be dealt, a stray missile distrupted the flow of energy.

"WHAT THE..."

It was the Mayship, up and flying. I told you they could repair it fast.

"Mina-san!"

...

At the Mayship's bridge...

Ky was bandaged up and giving orders. There was a bloody drenched one on his forehead, his eye was patched up, the shades were busted, one of his arms was in a sling and there was a long, blood-drenched one around his waist.

"Fire precision missiles! Aim each missile carefully for the head. We don't want the girls to get hurt! Jan! Is the rescue ship ready?"

"Oh it will be ready in 5 minutes after you STOP ASKING ME THAT!"

"Sorry about that Klyde-san! Jan doesn't like the vehicles getting scratched. Retrieval team going!"

"Klyde! The missiles have been individually aimed!"

"Fire them one at a time!"

"YOKHAI!"

The bomb bay doors open and a missile was dropped. One second later, another one was until seven missiles were flying to assist the girls.

...

BOOM

"Ms. Mister...

BOOM

...jerk, we have to...

BOOM

... get out of...

BOOM

... here now!"

BOOM

"The head is going...

BOOM

...to...

BOOM

...explode!"

SYSTEM OVERLOAD. THE ESCAPE POD WILL NOW EXPLODE FOR NO APPARENT REASON. THANK YOU FOR BUYING WINDOWS 98.

"NO! My plans for world domination! Ruined! Grant! Let go of me! They must pay! NOOOOO!"

...

"Jam-san! Are you guys alright?"

"Man, you guys saved our assess!"

"Well, you guys saved the world, so this was he least we could do..."

...

The heroes are greeted with a fitting greeting. The courageous girls who had the courage to face against the combine force of an ancient evil and corporate greed return to the place they belong.

"KY-SAN!"

Jam runs and embraces her husband gently. She deserves it.

"Jam...you did it! You stopped Misterjerk!"

Ky lifts her head up. Tears are beginning to form into those deep hazel eyes.

"You shouldn't be crying. The worst is over now. All thanks to you."

He embraces her once again.

"When I started this...vacation, I wanted to save you. Who would have thought that you would save us? Thank you Jam."

...

Meanwhile, at the sea...

Grant, Misterjerk and several Geese bots are struggling to stay afloat.

Jerk: Please! (glub glub) Help us!

Jam: I don't know...why should we?

Jerk: C'mon! Be a friend!

Ky: Jam, we just cant leave them there...

May (drenched in water): But they are bad people! We should just leave them for the sharks!

Jerk: Pretty please!!! (glub glub)

Ky: May! Jam! I have an idea!

...

Later, at some random police station

The place is virtually empty except for a lit cubicle and a lit office. Everyone is off taking a donut break. In the occupied cubicle, a certain very stressed, cross-dressing, teddy bear using Brit boy is being crushed by paperwork. Figuratively.

Bridget: Repots and more reports. I am so sick of doing paper work! Sigh But I had better start shaping up. If I don't do better, they're going to fire me...

Right above Bridget's cubicle, a red and white hula-hoop emerged. But instead of a blue dolphin, Grant and Misterjerk came out, bound gagged and tied.

Bridget: AAAAHHHH! WHO...who are you guys?!

Suddenly, a man steps out of the occupied office. He is dressed in a high ranking police uniform and somewhat frustrated. His golden hair flows freely; it is not tied to a bandana as usual.

Axle: OFFICER BRIDGET! WHATS ALL THE RUCKUS ABOUT?!

Bridget: WAH! COMMISIONER LOWE! Umm...ano...este...

Axle: Hmmm? Wait...these two are apart of our top ten most dangerous criminals at large...BRIDGET! Did you apprehend these two yourself?

Bridget: I...I...uh...

The commissioner brings out a hanker chief.

Axle: Amazing! I'm so proud of you! Excellent work! I was beginning to get worried about you! I was actually thinking of letting you go...

Bridget: (exasperated) You mean I was going to be fired? WAIT! This means I can keep my job right? Hurray!

Axle: However...You shouldn't have acted alone and without the consent of the station! Reckless behavior like that cannot be tolerated! I expect a full report on my desk by tomorrow morning. If its not there, your fired!

Bridget: Another report...?

...

The Mayship touched down on a wide-open field. The afternoon sun illuminated each grain strand and made is shimmer like a field of gold. The great wind made the field almost dance, as if to celebrate something. The front hatch opened and Ky came out with Jam. They came out and exited to the field. Johnny had returned and Jam was back in Ky's arms. Ky's days with the Jellyfish Pirates are over. It is time for him and Jam to return to their normal lives. Johnny, May and the rest of the May crew were seeing them off. Ky, still dressed as Klyde turned back towards the May crew.

"I'll be seeing ya officer!" replied Johnny. "And thanks for taking care of my girls, especially through that whole 'proto-justice' thing."

"And thank you for helping me get my wife back." Replied Ky. "I'm just sorry about your ship..."

"Don't worry Ky. With that dark matter we got from the proto-justice, not only can we have it fixed but we can buy a small tropical island as well!"

"Bye-bye Ky-chan!" bidded by May. "We will miss you! And Jam! Johnny is still hotter than Ky!"

"Say what you want!" screamed a fuming Jam. "At least this pretty boy is all mine! HAHA!"

"HUMPH!"

"Well, goodbye Ky."

"Goodbye."

"LETS GO!"

The airship began rising into the heavens. The doors still open both parties still waving at each other, bidding fond farewells. Though this parting is a sad one, no tear is shed. Everyone is happy for Ky and Jam. After enduring so much hardships, they can get their happy ending once again. It was fun having Klyde around, but his place...and happiness... are with Jam. As the gigantic ship fades more and more into the golden sky, the two just stand there. They continually stare. Why? In sadness that there days with those exuberant girls are over? That they have just saved the world? Or in disbelief that this moment of happiness and hope is really happening? Who can say?

Finally, the two break away their stare.

"Lets go home...darling..."

"One second..."

Ky takes off his blue cap. His days as a thief are over. He doesn't need this anymore. He throws is over his back. Too bad there is still a strong wind. The cap came flying back to bonk him.

"Hihihihi! Only Terry Bogart can pull that one off darling."

"I...see...oh well. Lets go home."

The two begin walking home. Finally. After so many months, Ky can add another happy memory to his album. It had been a long time since he did. The two began chasing each other amongst the fields of gold...

"Come and catch me darling!"

"Jam! Wait up!"

You'll remember me

When the worst one moves

Upon the fields of barley

You'll forget the sun

In his jealous sky

As we walk in fields of gold

So she took her love

For to gaze a while

Upon the fields of barely

In his arms she fell

As her hair came down

Upon the fields of gold

Will you stay with me

Will you be my love

Upon the fields of barley

We'll forget the sun

In his jealous sky

As we lie in fields of gold

See the worst one move

Like a lover's soul

Upon the fields of barley

Feel the body rise

When you kiss a mouth

Among the fields of gold

I never made promises like this

And there have been some that I've broken

And I swear in the days few left

We will walk in fields of gold

We'll walk in fields of gold

Many days have passed

Since those summer days

Among the fields of barely

See the children run

As the sun goes down

Among the fields of gold

You'll remember me

When the worst one moves

Upon the fields of barley

You can tell her son

In her jealous sky

That we walked in fields of gold

That we walked in fields of gold

That we walked in fields of gold

"Will we be together forever?"

"I swear that we will..."

"Ky..."

"Hmm?

"I'm...sorry."

"I know."

"And..."

"Yeah?"

"...I love you."

"I know that too. Lets go home."

...

Back on board the Mayship...

The girls were celebrating a great victory, a fond farewell, and their new tropical home.

April: I want my hut to be up in the mountains!

July: Just put mine somewhere near the ocean, right August?

August: Eh? No. Not mine. Seawater and salty air mess up my machines...

Johnny comes in.

Johnny: C'mon girls! There is so much work to be done! The ship is in shambles, were barely flying, the communication tower isn't working and the weapons system are overheating!

May: C'mon Johnny! We saved the world! Can't we take even a little break?

Johnny: Humph! There is still so much to be done. I already threw out the trash, and there was a ton of them! So I single handedly did around 35 of what needs to be done!

April: Oh wow! Johnny-san, you did that all by yourself! That's such a big job! You work so hard!

Johnny: Well, you know me...(shines teeth, May crew giggle)

May: Of course, you did separate the chest that contained the big dark matter from the trash right Johnny?

Johnny: What? I threw out...everything...

Awkward Silence...Evil Aura glowing

Maycrew: YOU DID WHAT?!

Johnny: Oh boy, time to split!

Maycrew: All that we've worked for! Our tropical paradise! WASTED! UNFORGIVABLE! EVEN FOR YOU JOHNNY! AFTER HIM GIRLS!

Johnny: Never thought the day would come where women would chase me and I would NOT want to be captured. Gotta go!

May: There he is! Get him!

THE END

I want to thank everyone who tuned in, supported and reviewed this fic. It was really a great feeling for this amateur writer to know that people actually read these rambled thoughts in my head. Thanks again! Especially to Sheo Darren who reviewed just about EVERY chapter. Also to those who supported AIKN, I hope that celestial alignment starts again sometime soon. Lol. It really means a lot to me that someone rolled around laughing while reading my fic. Rotfl. I'm sorry I couldn't make it longer with more wacky adventures. If your reading my fic just for the story, thank you so much for staying with it till the end, and being open to the idea of Ky being a no-good crook. If your reading also for the author and Shou Town chapters, don't worry, the epic battle of the Hexagon against the Kanon Society will begin very soon. And to those who are wondering, I already woke up from my coma. All will be explained in due time. Sit tight and another chapter in the continuing battle of authors, original characters and corrupted authors will be written. To quote Joker from the new, animated, Batman series "The Batman:"

"This town has got happy days ahead."

Sincerely,

Invader-Zam4

Edits: K-Lord, ChillingZam castle in 200 feet

Law-Shark: Is this wise? He has already awakened!

Creator: He could be planning some sort of trap! Maybe his army is concealed by his magic!

Trademark: Don't worry I analyzed him. He has not fully recovered yet. He can only use two of his great magics. He can only decimate around a 1/32 of the army with one. Then there are us.

Intern-net: Yeah. We should attack now while he is weakened. Even at peak health, he can't take on all of us!

K-Lord: Enough! All units. CHARGE. Storm the castle! Take...no...prisoner...


	15. P2C1: The Demon Skull

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the related trademarks mentioned. The characters, moves, and all related trademarks are property of their respective owners. This is just a giant parody using different anime and video game references. Mainly of Samurai Warriors, Power Stone, Digimon and the tutorial of Spiderman. Please don't sue me I have no money.

...

The war continues...

Prelude to Chaos 1: The Demon Skull

...

Zamy Computer Entertainment Philippines

Tensaiga 2

NOW LOADING...

SHO-E-I presents

Team Omega-Zam

A new chapter in the never-ending struggle of the authors is about to begin...

Loud cries are heard. Anger. Hatred. A slash shines across the screen. Another one. The cries are getting louder and fighting can be heard. A blinding light pierces the darkness.

Within that blinding light, a silhouette of monsters can be seen. Then a new silhouette appears. The new silhouette stands there, and does a shuryuken. Our vision is erratic; it shifts to familiar silhouettes doing familiar moves to inhuman shapes. Snake Bite. Power Geyser. Nine Wine Cups. Ninja Slam. Paper Sword. German Suplex. Vacuum Missile. Neo Deadly Rave. Criminal Symphony. Luna's Hammer.

Then, an army of the inhuman monsters appears. A lone figure rushes towards them. He jumps high into the air. Another blinding light. It fades and we can see the screen now. The warrior slams down to the ground, knocking down a couple of zombies. He is dressed in a Sega Black Ops Uniform. He has spiky white hair and used a Mauser Rifle to knock his enemies down. He recovers and fires a bullet towards an army of monsters. It hits and kills a sentai squid boss. He beckons a charge and from out of the screen, dozens of people carrying different weapons charge out to meet the abominations. Some are carrying traditional weapons, swords, naginattas, axes, and bows. Some, not so traditional, AK47, Colt.45, Taser Swords, Arctic Sniper Rifles, Dual-Uzi, Rocket Launcher. Then, the man rushes into the battle. The camera zooms to a bird-ye view. There is a massive war of epic proportions going on. Hundreds of people are fighting against thousands of monsters. Then the camera pans around the soldier with the Mauser to show different characters fighting.

Ryu Ohshi, Mido Ban, Terry Bogart, Iori Yagami, Kasumi, Yomiko Readman, Eikichi Onizuka, Shun Ukiya, Rock Howard, Domon Cashew, Arcuied, Kurodo Akabane, John Talbane, Ivy.

They are all fighting these things. The creatures vary from zombies, to foot ninjas, to sentai bad guys, to gears.

The soldier with the Mauser beats down his opponents using the bayonet of his rifle. His fighting style is much like Magoichi Saika (from Samurai Warriors), only not so laid back. He carries a giant clothed weapon on his back. Despite its massive size, it doesn't seem to encumber the soldier. A giant Tauren appears above and is ready to swing and crush the soldier with its tree trunk. The soldier puts his arms across his head in a feeble attempt to defend against the crushing blow. Just then, something cuts the sides of the Tauren, causing it to kneel. More flying blades come out of nowhere and slash the beast, until one slits its throats. The flying blades return to its owner, who catches them. The blades turn out to be porno discs. The one holding them is a man draped in a raincoat and wears a fedora and gloves. No part of his body can be seen. His face is only a dark void.

The soldier smiles and looks to the distance. He sees Infinity City. The camera zooms in to the highest point of the tower. There, an enigmatic man dressed in an expensive suit stands defiant. There is no light of life in his eyes, which are being curtained by a draped half white, half black hair. The sky is dark and thunder begins to roar. Lightning begins to dance through the clouds. The man raises his hands and signals a charge. Just then, dozens of mechanical robots of different shapes and sizes cover the dark lit sky and flies towards the battlefield.

Among the flying sentinels is a lone condor that braves the dark sky and mechanical legion. It flies ahead and the sky turns blue and the clouds turn white. Below the condor is a lush forest. We dive down to the forest and see an innocent, young girl wearing a backpack and glasses. Her long, luxurious, light blue falls freely. Her clothes are a bit oversized for her, because they are boy's clothes. She is peacefully picking up flowers. Then, foot ninjas hide among the trees, stalking the young girl. Their presence is hidden and the girl is oblivious. As their stares begin to glow with malice and hatred, their company is sensed. The girl jumps back and, from her backpack, throws several knives, which pierce the trees. The ninjas are forced to seek the protection of their hiding spot. The girl begins to run, but the ninjas are faster and they catch up to her. They begin showering her with shurikens. The girl pulls out, from her backpack, Nakaroru's mystic cloth. She throws it to protect herself. The shurikens pierce through the cloth, but hit nothing. The ninjas stop, dumbfounded. Then, a shadow looms above and the ninjas look. The girl is above them. From her backpack, she throws several ridiculously large bombs. The tranquility of the forest is shattered as the bombs explode. As the smoke settles, the ninjas bodies are seen, motionless. The girl is standing defiantly amongst their corpses. She glares upwards and smiles.

The camera zooms out to a birds-eye view of the forest. But the camera doesn't stop. The forest is nothing more than a green blotch and the girl cannot be seen. But the camera does not stop. It zooms out, until it sees a crystal ball. A mysterious man with red spiky hair is watching the events thought the crystal of his staff. The camera pans around him as he raises his hand. He is in one of the chambers of a medieval castle. He jerks his hand and casts a spell. A runic circle appears around him. Skeletons come charging towards him. But as soon as they step on the circle, they combust.

His droopy eyes close as he clasps on the orb, which then shines. He releases the orb and a picture of a feast can be seen. The camera dives into it. A powerful song played by a great orchestra is played. There are people watching a girl with a greenish, Ami Mizuno like hair dance and enchanting dance. She gracefully balances her body and enchants her audience with elegant ballet and harem moves. She is dressed like a Ragnarok priestess, but in addition to the cross, she has a swastika and a ruby as gems for her necklaces. A magical light emits from her palms, which traces her hand as she moves them. The camera shifts to two men, seated beside each other, watching with great admiration and pride. One of them is the same man with lifeless eyes and black/white hair. The other one has an intense fire in his eyes. He is wearing a black, Chinese robe, ornamented with dragons.

There is a focus on this man's face, then the scene shifts. He runs through a castle. He runs, jumps and kicks a sentry and embeds him on the wall. He beckons for the forces to advance. Dozens of people, all wearing the same flag but dressed and armed differently, rush towards the stairs that the sentry was guarding. On the top of the stairs is a man dressed like the Witch King. He is draped with a shaggy, black robe that covers his whole body, except his hands, which hang out. But his hands are armed with a metallic glove and clasp a giant mace. He wears the Saiyan shoulder guards, only black and more aggressive. He wears an intimidating spiky helmet above his cloaked head. The figure shrugs and turns away. Suddenly, a man in a military outfit and haircut, armed with a metallic arm falls from the ceiling, causing a massive energy burst, which engulfs the stairs and the advancing troops. Before it reaches the man in the Chinese robe, he jumps. He then is suspended in midair as he begins charging a small ball of energy in his palms. The camera pans around him. He then fires the small ball of energy, which becomes a gigantic stream of energy towards the camera. Everything is engulfed by light.

AUTHOR WARRIORS

...

Author Warriors

Press Start

FIGHT!

NEW GAME

TUTORIAL

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER...

Character Locked (You must finish the tutorial to unlock this character)

Character Locked (You must finish the tutorial to unlock this character)

Character Locked (You must finish the tutorial to unlock this character)

Character Locked (You must finish the tutorial to unlock this character)

Name: The Shady Guy

Rank: B

Title: Porno Lord

Hit Points:

A. Musou:

Offensive:

Defensive:

Weapon: Soft Porn Discs

(The Shady Guy is the mysterious man in the raincoat, Narrator Note)

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH!"

Now Loading...

(The Shady Guy is standing on a battlefield. There are houses around, but have been abandoned.)

Welcome to the Author Warrior's tutorial! I know what your thinking, you want to go out and do your thing... beat the bad guy... play god with your author power... but when your getting your ass whooped, your going to be glad you took this tutorial.

Okay. Lets start. I want you to move Shady Guy to the X in front of him. You can move him using the left analog stick of the D-pad.

Great! It looks like you can at least understand basic commands then. That'll make my job a whole lot easier. Okay. Lets try using a map. You can see that your map has appeared. This is an overhead view of the battlefield. So that you wont get lost, especially you guys with short attention span; you are the big, shiny, glowing arrow on the map. The arrow reacts to your every movement. Where the arrow is pointing is where you looking at. Okay, stop looking at the big, shiny glowing thing. Focus. I want you to move towards the 'X' on the map. It's labeled on the map by the expanding circle. For all those with you with weak memory, we thought of you and added this interesting feature. All your objectives are the big circles. Now move towards the circle.

"I shall smite them with the power of porno!"

To much information dude...

Okay. Now there's one last thing you have to know about the map. I want you to move to the next 'X.' Confused yet? About time. Yeah I know, your standing exactly on it but you cant find it. For this, we added a current situation map. Press the L2 button and the map will change. Go on. It wont hurt you.

There. The map has zoomed in to your current situation. And, oh! I probably should have said before...if you promise not to tell, I wont tell about that thing you did at that time. Yep I know the details. This will be out little secret. Your army is colored blue. The opposing army is colored yellow or red. If there is a red or yellow on either one of the maps, then there are enemies there. As for the zoomed in version, those red spots are the enemy. Although this map only focuses on your current situation, they focus on individual attackers. Now. Lets get to the part I know your waiting for, the fighting! You sadistic bastard. Now. All characters have two main attacks. The first is your standard attack, which you do with your square button. You can link combos by hitting the square button repeatedly. The other one is your charged attack with the triangle button. The charged attack usually has better range, attack and effects than your standard attack. But there is a delay time to using them and your fly is SO open during this time. Also, you can't do combos. Practice your charge attack and combos on that group of zombies up ahead.

Skeleton: Au...thor...

(Shady Guy rushes up to the 4 zombies being led by a skeleton. As he approaches the skeleton leader, he unleashes his swift combo consisting of a horizontal disc slash, a downward vertical slash, a diagonal slash and ends with a punch stab using the disc. The skeleton is propelled and falls to the ground, defeated. The other zombies begin to advance. Shady Guy steps back, charges energy and brings out a second disc with his other hand. As the zombies are about to attack, Shady Guy throws the discs, which revolve around him, creating a circular barrier much like Millia's Tandem Top. The zombies are hit by the discs and are propelled away.)

Felt good doesn't it? But if you do some of your square combos then end with a charge attack, you can do an advanced combo that does a lot more damage. Remember that the delay time and the open fly still applies if you're using the charged attack in a combo. Now, there's a drum over there. Beat on it and a new skeleton will appear. You may want to practice your dueling techniques so we didn't add any zombies this time. When you are done beating the crap out of innocent undead warriors who just want to eat your brains, go to the new location marked on your map. I'm gonna go grab some sushi.

(Shady Guy moves up to the drum and beats it with his disc.

Skeleton: We will kill you!

Shady Guy rushes up to the skeleton and starts his swift combo. But as soon as he does the first horizontal slash, he charges. Staggered, the skeleton is unable to use the vulnerable second Shady Guy has. Fully charges, he unleashes a powerful upward, vertical slash. This move is not only strong enough to kill the skeleton, but he is launched upwards into the air. Shady Guy beats on the drum again.

Skeleton: Viva la companya y kanon! Bueno!

Shady guy wait for the enemy to attack. Before he can even attack, Shady Guy does his swift combo yet again. This time, he does the first tow attacks and charges. Skeleton is still disoriented and is unable to counter or disrupt. Shady Guy stands straight, then puts his disc to his palm and extends it. A wave of energy comes from the disc and pierces through the skeleton. The skeleton is stunned. Shady Guy finishes it off with one last horizontal slash. Shady Guy beats on the drum once more.

Skeleton: What happened to the advance force?

Shady Guy begins his swift combo yet again, this time ending with the third strike. He charges yet again. Shady guy leans back, finishes charging, the all of a sudden, grabs the skeleton and does judo throw, slamming it behind him. The resulting impact was so strong it created a shock wave that could have pierced anyone within the shock wave's radius. Shady beats on the drum one last time.

Skeleton: You beat all those other guys? LETS GET OUT OF HERE!

Shady Guy beats it with his standard combo. He then moves up to the next objective)

Okay (chew chew). You made it. (Bite swallow clear throat) Now, lets talk about defense (Smacks lips). By pressing the L1 button, you can shift into a defensive stance. In the defensive stance, all of the attacks in front of you will be blocked and you won't gain damage. Of course, attacks from the side and back are a different story. Remember that the defense cant block against ranged attacks. Also, when you're knocked down, pressing the L1 button will make you recover. Try it with those advancing soldiers. We disabled your attacks at this point so that you wont be tempted to kill those innocent skeletons, you jerk. (Oooh too much soy sauce).

(Shady Guy shifts into his defensive stance; he crouched down and puts the CD in front of his face. The skeletons try to swing their sword, but they are blocked.)

Shady Guy: You cannot PENETRATE the power of PORNO!

Whoa, too much information there big guy.

Okay. Now its time to counter attack! At the lower left part of the screen, there are two gauges below Shady Guy's portrait. The green one is your hit points and the red one is your Author Musou. Now is a great time to find out that you're colorblind. When your hit point bar is empty, its all over man, game over man, last stop on the soul town express man! I see that your Author Musou is full. Go up to one of the skeletons and unleashes your Author Power by pressing the circle button.

(Shady Guy goes up to the enemy

Shady Guy: BOSS, DIBIDI VCD DVD?

He starts throwing porno discs in a150 degree angle in front of him by swinging his left arm. The discs hit the enemies and push them back. Then he throws more porno discs with his right arm. He throws around three more batches until his Musou runs out. He ends by spinning around once, throwing discs at all o'clock directions.

Shady Guy: BUY ONE TAKE ONE!)

Storong! Too...storong! Okay. Now lets talk about jumping. You can jump using the x button. Some characters can double jump. Not Shady Guy though. We don't want anyone seeing what's up that raincoat. Believe me, I still have nightmares. Now, jump past the barricades to your next objective. If you forgot how to change the map, it's the L2 button. If you can't see the map, I can't help you. Turn the machine off...and walk away.

(Shady Guy then starts jumping to the next objective)

Oh, here's an interesting trick. If you press x then triangle, your character will do a slamming shockwave attack that will knock anyone down within a certain radius, provided you hit the ground. If you press triangle then x, you will explode.

(Shady Guy jumps and does his shockwave attack, which is a butt bounce. Sure enough, it creates a shockwave. He resumes jumping to the next location.)

Okay. Now lets talk about your ranged attacks. By holding the R1 button, you can shift into your first-person, sniping stance. Remember that you can't move while in this stance. You see those skeletons? Try taking them out with your ranged attacks. You can't miss them, they're standing in front of those big bull's-eyes.

(Shady Guy aims at one of the skeletons. He then throws a porno CD at it. It hits the skeleton)

Skeleton: Oh GOD! It crushed the bone! It crushed the bone! Why did you shoot me! Every living moment is agony!

Yeah...you had better get used to that. That pretty much covers everything you need no know in order to survive in the battlefield. If you ever want to review these lessons or just want to see me again, who can blame you? This tutorial is always available on the New Game screen. You can only play it with the Shady Guy though. Okay, that's just about it. Goodbye! (A new objective flashes on the screen) I said...Goodbye. That means...see ya later. That means, there nothing more here, you can go now. That means get out...now. That means get lost!

(Shady Guy moves up to the mysterious objective)

You just couldn't resist could you? Fine, I guess I had better say something. You see that little gauge above the hit point? It fills up periodically. What is its use? That's your alter ego gauge. When it's filled, you can transform to your author's alter ego. The alter ego varies from author to author. When activated, that gauge will slowly drain. When it's empty, you will return to your old form. The alter ego is basically your current author with two times the defense, two times the attack and two times the bitchiness. Remember that the alter ego's attacks are different. You'll have to learn them again. We'll leave you with a couple zombies to practice them with. Finally, to activate the alter ego, wait let me get in the bomb shelter.

(Footsteps, heavy metal door pulling and closing. The narrator speaks through a megaphone)

HIT THE R2 BUTTON!

(Time stops and a great energy surges through Shady Guy. Power fills his body as he jumps

Shady Guy: AUTHOR CHANGE!!!!!!!

His body is glowing as the raincoat flies off and the head starts to mold.

Shady Guy: SHADY GUY AUTHORVOVLES TO....

He lands

Shady Guy: PLAVE!

Kenshiro wearing a fish head mask replaces the man in the raincoat and fedora. He moves up to the enemies and dispatches them with trademark fist of the North Star attack. Finally, before the gauge is empty, he approaches the last skeleton and uses his Author Musou

Plave: YOUR ALREADY DEAD!

He begins pummeling the skeleton with a rapid punch succession.

Plave: WATATATATATATATATATATATA...

Ends with one last crunching blow

Plave: TAAAAAAAAAAA!

Enemy explodes

Plave: Sukibe Shinken (Fist of the Porn Star) has no equal!

Well that's it for the tutorial. Now get out on the battlefield and create your legend!

GAME OVER


	16. P2C2: The Straight Arrow

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the related trademarks mentioned. The characters, moves, and all related trademarks are property of their respective owners. This is just a giant parody using different anime and video game references. Please don't sue me I have no money.

...

The war continues...

Prelude to Chaos 2: The Straight Arrow

...

Many legends and prophecies talk about a dark sword that rises up to pierce the heavens. That from this weapon of darkness, insurmountable horrors would arise and wreck havoc not only on earth, but in heaven as well. Whether he was inspired by this dark prophecy, or he IS the dark prophecy is unknown. For in this malevolent structure, he fulfills the prophecy to the very word. He creates unspeakable abominations. He strikes fear across the land. He challenges heaven without regret, worry or insanity. He is a weapon of darkness. One of the greatest alchemists, defiler of the laws of physics and most tainted mortal on Midgard. Welcome to the tower of Lezard Valeth.

His tower stands tall as the epicenter of a giant swamp. He had rebuilt it after Ragnarok was done. With his newfound power, he was enjoying himself fully. Untouchable by Valhalla, feared by Nifilhiem, he bows to no higher power. Some of the gods and immortals respect him for his vast knowledge and immeasurable power. Others just try to forget about him, treating him like a bad dream. Of course, he doesn't care. Though he may never achieve the woman of his covetous dreams or attain immortality, he has received a very...interesting consolation prize.

But now, the silent peace of the dark marsh is disturbed. A shining light flies across the sky. The luminous, blue, ball parts the darkness and foul smell of the swamp. It flies at its greatest speed, as if to escape the foul swamp. If it dares to tread in this untouchable ground, what does it seek?

It flies to the top of the tower and slows down. The light fades and a human-like figure comes to sight. Even with the few sparks of sunlight that pierces through the poisonous clouds, it reflects across her divine armor and bravely strikes the infinite grime. She acts like a mystical prism. For a while, she stands there, illuminated by her own light. Then she curls up, then jerks to bring out her wings. The searing white flame forming her wings is a testament to whom she is. Then, mysterious wisps fly out of her wings. Hundreds of them fly down to the tower's roof. The white wisps gather to make three human forms. With one last burst of light, the wisps create a human spirit. Valkyrie lands gracefully on her feet and faces her...companions.

"Well, that was an interesting ride." Replied the woman with the white hair and bondage armor.

"Beats trudging through the swamp." Says the blonde woman in the elegant battle garb.

"It a good thing that you know necromancy, Valentine." Remarks Valkyrie.

"Yeah...but...can we please have our bodies now?" requested of the young girl in the military suit. "Being ethereal makes me feel...creepy."

"All right Whip." Ivy begins muttering a chant. Soon, a dark circle appears around them. Somewhat energized by their location, Ivy unleashes more power than she anticipates. She unleashes another blinding light. As it fades, the three 'spirits' return to their human bodies.

"Very well. Let us get this over with." Cried a somewhat annoyed tone of Valkyrie. She strides down towards the black tower. "All of you keep up."

Whip whispers to Helena. "What's with her?"

"Oh, don't you know, in exchange for his services, Lenneth has to go on a date with Lezard!"

"WHAT?!"

...

The Valkyrie descends down the eerily familiar hallways with the other three girls.

"Apparently, he never strived to create a better tower. How typical for a mortal."

The three try to contain their laughter.

"I HEAR YOU!"

They burst into laughter.

"Such insolence! I don't know why I am even doing this!"

Ivy wipes her tears and approaches her offended comrade. "I'm sorry Lenneth. (haha) It's just that...I didn't think you would have to do this in order to employ him! What happened to all the riches Zam left us?"

"Gold is no object to this mortal. He can create them with his 'sciences.'"

"What about Zam's library? He is a magician too right?"

"He is content with the power he has now. He seeks nothing more."

"So...all...he...really...wants...is...you?

"Yes."

"No changing his mind?"

"No."

The three burst into laughter. If Valkyrie wasn't so stiff, a vein would pop out of her head.

"Hahahhahaha. Cheer up Lenneth-kun!" replies Whip. "Remember, it's for Zam."

The four girls remain silent.

"For Zam."

"For Zam."

"For Zam."

"For Zam. Let us go."

...

The three girls exit from an elevator.

"For a Norse alchemist, he sure is advanced." Remarks an impressed Helena.

"Come along." Says Lenneth. "He is beyond that teleporter."

The three come close. Then, they stop. They feel it. An evil power stirs all around them. He is planning something. A zombie dragon warrior materializes in front of them. Helena, Ivy and Whip get ready to fight. Lenneth stands in front, defiant.

"VALETH! WE HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR GAMES!" screams Lenneth.

She unsheathes her sword. In the other hand, her divine energy gathers. It forms her ethereal dragon spear. She hurls it at the mindless minion. The zombie raises its two swords to block. The spear explodes in front of it. The creature stands strong, resisting the force of the cleansing explosion. Just then, Valkyrie appears on above and slashes downward, while the explosion is happening, shattering the thing's swords. Staggering, the zombie is defenseless. Valkyrie gets ready for one, last, decisive strike.

"DEATH KNAVE!"

Valkyrie cuts through the dragon. Before, she would need a sword crafted by mortal to defeat this...conjuration. After inheriting Odin's power, she needs no such trinket. The pitiful creature turns back to the sands from which it was fabricated. She stands and sheathes her blade.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" cries a voice that seems to be echoing throughout the entire castle. "Excellent! You are as beautiful and as powerful as ever...fair Valkyrie...Come then! I eagerly await your arrival!"

Reluctantly, the girls step on the magical circle. Two spears of light emerge. They form co-centric circles, one smaller than the other. The larger one extends while the other one shrinks. They are teleported to a new location. They are in a library. Books are scattered everywhere. The bookshelves are already full. Dozens of paper is scattered everywhere. Dozens of them are already opened. Some are ripped apart. Most are scattered and unused. There is light coming from the next room. They conclude that he is there.

...

They enter the room where the mysterious light is originating. They enter what appears to be a laboratory. Black boards covered in different scientific equations. Beakers containing different liquids of varying colors are displayed on every table. Mystical runes are etched everywhere. At the center of the room was a gigantic aquarium. In it was a creature that very much resembled Valkyrie. Long, luxurious blue hair. Slender, firm body. Fair, delicate skin. And a beautiful face. Standing next to it was he. His glasses reflected the light that the capsule was emitting. His ornamental garbs were neat, pressed and smelled distinctly of lotus. Even from across the room, it could be smelt. His black cape dangled across his shoulders, immobile, like a ravenous beat, stalking its prey. He stood there, smirking, unable to wipe the grin off his face. He was undoubtedly savoring this situation a little too much. It was almost mockery.

"Welcome, fair Valkyrie and her guests. It is a pleasure to have you, as always..." He spoke with a gentleman's tone. You would never suspect that this man was a raving megalomaniac ready to defy the heavens. He slowly approached them.

"I must say, I was quite surprised for the great Valkyrie ask a favor of me. ME! Her humble admirer. To be of service to her is my greatest honor."

Lenneth unsheathes her sword before he even comes near.

"No tricks Lezard!"

"Tricks? Why, I am shocked that you could think that of me, fair Valkyrie."

"We complete the homunculus before your payment."

"Fair enough. But do not call it 'payment.' I consider it more of a...privilege."

"Foul human...I never thought I would need one of the things you wrought..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Indeed, who would have? But here you are. Asking for MY assistance...such folly of fate. Yet still, if this fools enjoy such fortunes of fate..." he extended his hand to touch Valkyrie. "Call me a slave to incompetence..."

Lenneth grabbed his arm before it even came close.

"I call you that even before this twist of fate. We finish the homunculus first. Then, we go." She began tightening her grip. He broke free and caressed his bruised arm.

"Heh. So be it then...Do you have the spirit?"

Ivy produced a blue crystal.

"May I...inspect it?" Lezard muttered as he came close. Just like Valkyrie, the crystal shone brightly and strongly. Lezard fumbled back. Everyone looked at him suspiciously.

"Forgive me..." he could sense an immense power from within that crystal. It was stronger than Valkyrie's power. What manner of being could possibly be stronger than a god? What puzzles him more is on how these being came to acquire such a powerful spirit. Since it was somewhat hostile to him, he can conclude that the spirit didn't go willingly. How could they have overpowered it? Unfortunately, Lezard was sure he wasn't going to get the answers. But the curiosity burns him. He seeks more knowledge. It was almost enough to give up his...soiree with Valkyrie to find out who...or what...is inside that crystal. Almost.

"I will need someone else to help me imbue the spirit into the homunculus." Stated Lezard. "Does anyone of you lovely ladies dabble in...arcane magic?"

"I know necromancy. I can help." Replied Ivy. "But...don't you have any...other homunculus? One that might be more similar to the spirit in this crystal?"

"hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA! Do please forgive. But do please understand. These are my masterpieces, which I have crafted in the likeness of my...goddess." Lezard said with his malevolent smirk. "Without her inspiration, I could not create something so...perfect. Hence, I have no other homunculus that is as perfect as this, nor could I create one."

"So be it...I hope he doesn't mind..." replied Ivy.

Lezard stood on one side of the capsule and Ivy stood in the other, carrying the crystal. The two shut their eyes and raise their hands to face the capsule. A magical circle surrounded the three objects. Intricate runes were etched upon the circle. The crystal began levitating and moved towards the human like being, ever so painfully slow. Almost like a curious puppy. Both magicians knew that they had to be careful. The forbidden union of magic and science can bring forth the greatest results. Good AND bad. The circle intensified as Lezard's cape and Ivy's hair began flying. Great winds began emanating from the circle and creating a gigantic torrent. The remaining women began shielding their eyes to the immense power being displayed. Magical energy began leaking through their palms and surrounding the crystal and the capsule.

Lezard: Body of flesh...

Ivy: Crystalline soul...

Both: FUSE TOGETHER TO FORM A BEING WHOLE!

A flash of light. From the three windows of the lonely room, beams of light burst out of them. They flew fast and streaked across the malevolent swamps to the newly restored cities to the humble pastures. They were testament to a gargantuan power being displayed. There were tow general reactions to the beams of light: awe and fear. The last thing anyone could see in the lab was the crystal phasing through the glass of the capsule.

...

"It is done."

A silence continued to remain dominant. It seems everyone, save Lezard, could not believe what had happened.

"The creature you sealed in my precious homunculus will be ready anytime now. When it is, the machine will know and release it from the capsule. Now...as for my...'payment'?"

"Very well. Let us go...Lezard Valeth." It was in this precise moment she understood why Zam had asked her to wear a chastity belt on this particular day.

...

Energy flowed through the machine, turning the red circuitry blue. Screws began unscrew themselves as a thick mist was expelled from the capsule. The oxidized water began draining itself.

"This is it girls." Muttered Ivy as she eagerly anticipated the homunculius to come out. With a suspicious amount of anticipation though. Whip and Helena also seemed to eagerly await the homunculi release.

The water was fully drained and the glass lowered itself. The homunculus began opening her eyes. Her vision was still blurry and she was half asleep. She was jolted awake by the wires being violently removed from her back. She howls in pain as the wires rip themselves free of her. As the last wire rips itself out, she falls freely to the floor. She braces herself for impact. Her limbs are still numb, but she gets sufficient energy to raise her hands to protect her hands. In those few moments, the world was silent...

"NOW WHIP!"

The military girl unleashes her deadly, leather snake. She uses it to wrap around the homunculus's neck. Before she can fall to the ground, Whip jumps up, and passes through a wooden beam in the ceiling. As Whip lands to the ground, she suspends the girl by the neck in air before she can hit the ground. If she pulls any harder, she can choke the poor homunculus. By the malevolent glint in her eyes, it seems she has a similar intention. But she doesn't. She instead, ties her whip to a nearby hook and joins her companions facing the homunculus. Ivy steps forward to the writhing, suspended girl. She is confused, dumbfounded, disoriented and in a great amount of pain. She attempts to writhe away from the whip to escape. It is apparent to her that these three girls that they were going to hurt her. She knows nothing, except this fact. She would scream if she could. Ivy smirked a malevolent smile. She wishes to help the homunculus to get over her confusion.

"Welcome back...Sheo Darren."

That name instigates a flood of memories in the homunculus. So many memories rush into her. It is almost like torture. She remembers everything. She remembers that fateful 2 am where he wakes up and conceives "The Wedding Night," the fanfiction that started all this. She remembers on how his creation, Yuuki, went rogue and tried to overthrow him. She remembers the face of evil, Sho Tsuzuku. She remembers that glorious power, the will of the word. She remembers the epic battle, where he had to sacrifice himself. She remembers those seemingly endless days stuck in TarAUTHORus, not knowing if she was alive or not. She remembers how a lady in a beautiful blue armor brought him out of the damned place, only after sufficient convincing. She remembers being stuck as a spirit in the domain of his most hated enemy, Shou Town. And she remembers on how these three girls trapped him in one of the many 35-storey buildings and sealed him in a crystal. But most of all, she remembers her three girls...Tessa-chan. Ayanami-chan. And Kirika-san. The thought of these three girls calms her down. She recognizes the three OTHER girls in front of her.

"It seems you remember who you are."

"Ivy. Helena. Whip. What is happening?"

"Zam asked us to secure your body so that you may help in the defense of Shou Town. This was the only way. But now that you are awake..."

The three brought out dominatrix caps and wore them. Whip produced another whip. Helena brought out Lucy Liu's lasher from 'Charlie's Angels.' Ivy brought out some lit candles. The three began laughing maniacally.

"Oro? Whats so funny? You three are starting to scare me..."

"SILENCE SLAVE!" screamed Helena. "We didn't give you permission to speak!"

"It is time for you to pay for your crimes!" cried Whip in the same stern demeanor.

"What crimes?"

"Don't play stupid with us, you cur." Said a very agitated Ivy. "You will pay for plagiarizing Zam!"

"Oro?!"

"In one of your chapters, you copied and pasted one paragraph of Zams. You copied one of his hard worked paragraph, where he sought the innermost depths of his soul."

"But..."

"Where he stayed up late nights seeking the words that were most apt to his great ideas!"

"But..."

"Where he toiled through his computer's many problems with only his cigarettes to give him solace!"

"Demo..."

"You stole from him. You stole his precious sweat. And you will pay!"

"But all I did was copy the paragraph where he was insulting Ky..."

The three girls were taken back and disgusted.

"SO YOU CONFESS TO THE CRIME THEN!"

"But..."

"AND HOW DARE YOU BELITTLE ZAM'S WORK! YOU WILL SUFFER!"

"JUST WAIT A MINUTE! Is this one of Zam's orders as well?!" frankly, Sheo wouldn't be too surprised. Man. He really needs new friends.

"Well..." hesitated Ivy. "He told us to revive you. He didn't say anything after reviving you. So I guess its left to our...discretion." Smirked Ivy.

"NANI!"

"First we'll start with the candles, then the whipping and lashing at the same time. If were still bored, we can move on to the dildos..."

The three girls began laughing maniacally again and began telling him how bad each torture would be. She was terrified to hear what these three would do to her. As Ivy elaborately described each torture, she became desperate and tried to call for help. She was weakening fast, due to the fragrance that was laced around the whip. With her last strength...

"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASKEEETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

From the black skies of Lezard's marsh, a shooting star came out to heed the poor homunculus's cry...at 500 kilometers per second. A raging, blazing meteor came falling at a straight 90 degree angle and smashed the tower from the roof. A gigantic explosion once again disturbed the silence of the swamp.

KABOOM

...

Intermission. Perfect time to insert a shameless corporate plug.

"HI! I'm Lezard Valeth. A 90-degree meteor destroyed my tower but I'm not worried. Its because I have InSHOrance! Yes! With InSHOrance, the Shou Corp will pay for the damages dealt to my precious tower. Its more that enough to cover its reconstruction and replace my charred furniture! There's enough left for a vacation to Ashliana! I may be homeless for a while, but I don't mind. While its being rebuilt, I'll be hobnobbing with Darkness! And all it cost me was a couple of homunculuss for Sho Tsuzuku to use in his many porn films! So get InSHOrance! You can really afford it, especially with their new monthly porn payment! Secure your future! Get InSHOrance now!

InSHOrance covers many aspects. There is tower InSHOrance, home InSHOrance, car InSHOrance, gundam InSHOrance, sacred weapon InSHOrance, education InSHOrance and health InSHOrance. InSHOrance covers everything from earthquakes to tornadoes, missile attacks to being stepped on by a gundam, atomic bombs to dragon slaves. InSHOrance makes sure noting bad happens to your loved ones and prized possessions. So get it now! Are YOU InSHOred? InSHOrance is brought to you by the good people of Shou Corp. Shou Corp., ensuring good living and corporate control.

End Intermission

...

Sheo woke up in a hospital room. He stood up and blinked. His vision was blurry. He reached out to the bedside table and felt his glasses. He wore them, with a hint of confusion. He stared out the window to know where he was. It was an all too familiar site. He knew for a fact that he was in Shou Town. Was that incident in Lezard's tower a dream? No. It wasn't. There were two proofs. First one was when he looked at his hand. It wasn't ghostly and ethereal it was solid. He wasn't a wandering spirit anymore he had gained physical form. The second one was when he felt his chest. He somehow knew this was true as well. There was a vanity mirror in the room. As he stared at it, he couldn't believe his eyes. Where he should have seen himself, a short, curly, black haired boy whose eyes couldn't be seen due to the glare of his glasses, stood a long beautiful woman. Her body was sculpted perfectly and her long blue hair flowed majestically. He stared into her own eyes, still in disbelief. Just then, a man came into the room. He was dressed in a formal business suit carrying a backpack.

"Ah. Your awake Sheo."

She stared at the man who entered. Somehow, Sho has a knack for popping up when the trouble has passed. Stupid power of convenience.

"Sho...would you mind explaining to me what has happened?"

"Very well then. Do you still remember the 'Shou Town exodus'?"

"If you are referring to that flash of light and us ending up in a whole new dimension then yes."

"Yes. Well, after Zam brought you out of TarAUTHORus, he secretly devised a way for you to be able to join the mortal realm once again since you are nothing more but a nuisance as a spirit. So, he collaborated with the alchemist Lezard Valeth to construct a homunculus for you and, using the same sealing soul technique he and Mystina used on Lenneth Valkyrie, fused your soul into the homunculus, giving you a human form."

"That explains why Ivy sealed me into a crystal. But, why am I in a girl's body?"

"Lezard doesn't know how to make male homunculus. So we had to make do with what we had."

"Okay. Now for the more important question...WHY?!"

"Sheo, Sheo, Sheo. Though it pains me to admit it. We need your help. Do you think Plave, Tyr, DD and myself could take on the hexagon? Were already in a handicap due to Zam's flight!"

Sheo stared at her image once more.

"But, without...I still cant use the will and the word outside of my universe...I'm pretty much generic everywhere else. Whether it be yours, Zams or anyone else's universe."

Sho smirked. "I've taken care of that."

Sheo stared at Sho. Sho threw the backpack he was carrying to Sheo.

"I've worked E-patsu to the bone trying to convert your natural energy to create the will and the word. He went into a coma, but was able to produce this instead."

"What is this?"

"That's the Will and the Word backpack or the WWBP. To anyone, that is just an ordinary backpack. But in your arms..." Sho smirked. "Try puling something out."

Sheo reached in and pulled out a mirror?

"Okay, why is there a mirror here?"

Sho's smile grew larger.

"That backpack was empty."

"Huh?" Sheo starred at it once again. It was an empty bag indeed.

"In your hands, it gains the power of the will and the word. You just have to imagine something and it will appear in it."

Skeptical, Sheo tried it.

"I want some chicken!"

He buried his hands in it. Suddenly, several chickens came out of the bag, clucking and panicking until they left the room.

"It just has a couple of limitations when it comes to carbon based life forms. Otherwise, you can pull out any inanimate object."

Sheo wore the backpack. It seemed to match his...homunculi's eyes. Oh dear god. Was he starting to think like a girl now?! Zam, you evil bastard. When you get the nerve to come back, I am so going to will and the word it. Once I figure out this backpack.

"Now, if you'll excuse me..."said Sho, "There are some people here wanting to see you."

Sho opened the door. Sheo couldn't believe his eyes. Tessa, Rei and Kirika came out.

"Sheo-san..." said the soft-spoken Tessa. "Is it really you?"

"TESSA-CHAN! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE YOU AGAIN!"

"It is him!" The three girls rushed and tackled their old master/mistress. The four girls started laughing in joy.

"Wow! I never thought Sheo-san would become a girl!"

"Oh! We have to shopping, your old clothes will be too small for you!"

"Oh wow, Sheo-chan, your really well-endowed!"

"EH?! Oro..."

Sho smirked as he started to leave the door.

"Oh, one last thing Sheo."

The four girls stared at Sho and became silent.

"That backpack is merely your training tool. With enough practice, you will be able to use the will and the word to its full power. You just have to keep the backpack on. Eventually, you can will yourself you old body back. But till that day..." Sho paused.

"You are the SHEO DARRREN APPRENTICE!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"

...

Sheo Darren Apprentice

Six Stars

Attack 2000

Defense 1500

For every 'Sheo Darren' and 'Sho Tsuzuku' in the graveyard, add 300 attack power to 'Sheo Darren Apprentice.' If 'Teletha Tesstarosa', 'Ayanami Rei' and 'Kirika' are in play, you may sacrifice 'Sheo Darren Apprentice' to special summon 'Sheo Darren' in play. You may get the special summoned 'Sheo Darren' from the graveyard or search your deck for it. If you search your deck for 'Sheo Darren', shuffle it afterwards.

"ZAM! YOU EVIL BASTARD! YOU WILL PAY FOR MAKING ME LIKE THIS!"

...

Sheo Darren Apprentice is now unlocked.

Sheo Darren Apprentice

Hit Points: -------

A. Musou: --------------

Attack: ----

Defense: -----

Weapon: WWBP MK 1

...

Sho note: Zam thought of that name when he realized we couldn't bring Sheo back as a boy. You have to admire his foresight."

...

P2C2 fin


End file.
